I know what you're going through and I know how you feel. You have defiant teenagers and you are trying to get them under control, but it feels like all of your efforts are useless and you are losing hope. You try being forceful and they push you away; you try to let them learn their own mistakes and they just fall into a deeper hole. You don't know what to do anymore and you want some kind of hope.
Well you're not alone. There are other parents just like you who are in the same situation. We all have problems every once in a while with our kids, it just depends on how we handle the situations. All defiant teenagers have their own reason for being rebellious, and we have to figure out what it is and go from there.
But for any parent, here are some techniques that you can apply right now:
1. Don't be afraid to discipline your defiant teenagers. You need to give them consequences for their negative action. If you don't, they start to think that they can get away with it, and that is the exact opposite of what we're trying to accomplish. They need to realize that they cannot get away with bad behavior, so consequences such as: No TV, no cell phone, no dance classes, or something that is a loss of privilege. Remember: You're defiant teenagers do not have rights, they have privileges and they can be taken from them at any time. You also want to make sure you give your reason as to why your disciplining your defiant teenagers. Let them know why they got in trouble.
2. Always remember to reward your defiant teenagers when they do something right. Consequences for negative actions; rewards for positive actions. If your kids know what is good and what is bad by the responses to those actions, then they will naturally go for the good things so they can receive an award. I know it sounds like they are relying on the rewards instead of the actual behavior, but you can eventually lean off the rewards and their actions will still be positive.
3. Stay calm. No matter what your defiant teenagers do, you must stay perfectly calm. If you show any sign of feeling out of control, then your children will think they have won. You have to stand up and (without yelling) show your authority. If they continue arguing and yelling at you, calmly take away a privilege for a day or two. If they can drive, take their car. You can take them to work if they really need it.
4. The phrase "Monkey See, Monkey Do" has a bigger meaning than we think. You have to be the example that you want your defiant teenagers to be. If they do not have something to look at and become, then they do not know how to change. You want change, but you have to show them what to change into as a person.
I hope you enjoyed my article and I hope everything goes well with you and your defiant teenager.
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