Argue With Your Teenager

When you are a parent of a wild teenager, it can be a challenge very and stressful experience, you will have to face, but many parents have to face. Wild teens are very independent and think that they will always be correct. They are specific risk takers and not realize what will be the consequences of doing something wrong. Now, why teens are wild is the peer pressure. It is in this world and do not stop. Each young person wants to fit in with the crowd of these days and be with the popular group. They want to be seen and known. Thus, generally if they follow the bad crowd they will still do everything just to fit and cool look. Some signs you may face when your teenager could turn wild:

-Cheat
-Fly
-Lie
-Smoking
-A celebration
-Argue with family members

Depression can be a major fall in the wild young person may feel. Depression in adolescents is very common and parents can't see. Type of treatment or counseling is a certain for this type of situation. Suffice it to say the symptoms when they appear. Lack of confidence can really cause a young person. If they think they are not pretty enough or they are weight or simply step intelligent enough to be really are in a bad way. They will also be lots of crying and stress. They must let their emotions some how. And the most frightening, it is suicide. It is very common in wild suicide adolescents. Therefore, when your teen starts you need to discover why as soon as you can. Often, the wild teenagers will end pregnant or with some type of STD. It is a world very afraid there and all do you, is that your teenager happy and safe.

When the adolescents to express they could show signs of sexual behaviour. For example, wearing very short shorts, or shirts show too, wear too much make-up, boys autour when parents are not home, etc.

Now, if you have tried all the advice you think that you can do, the other option that some parents take is boot camp. In boot camp, they learn about authority, discipline and exercises military and many physical training. This would certainly be a life for them change event and later on the road could you thank for it. There are different types of training camps, it is all for what you think would be best for your teen.

This is a situation very fear to face and you need to be bold and standing as a parent and what you need to do to your teen get back on track. It can be done. Are too many people and they make errors such as the rest of us and they also need second chance and and love.

Wendy Pan is an accomplished niche Web site developer and author. To learn more about wild teens [http://teengirlshealth.info/parenting-wild-teens-a-challenging-and-stressful-experience], please visit Teen Girls health [http://teengirlshealth.info] for discussions and current articles.

When did Smacking become a dirty word?

This is the biggest - and unkindest - myth propagated yet on our generation. A quick sharp smack on the hand has worked for generations and still works for people who are brave enough to do it.

I would argue that a quick comparison between previous generations that used the smack and the current generation quickly reveals the fallacy of that argument. Our parents' generation turned out with ethics, morals, manners and a commonsense approach to life whereas this current generation has, by and large, dubious moral values, few manners and a big sense of entitlement. Of course I am generalising. There are modern families out there doing a fabulous job of raising their children to be moral and polite - kudos to them!

But by and large, parents have been failed by all the advice given by modern 'experts'. The smacking myth has done the most harm for several reasons:

(1) It lead to parents not disciplining their children until children were old enough to understand what parents were explaining. In the old days, parents started training their children before they could walk and children already had a basic grounding in manners and obedience by the time they started school!
(2) parents started waffling instead of disciplining. They warn, threaten and reading, instead. The result of this approach was that children started to take their parents less seriously. This led to less respect and awe, vital ingredients in being successful parents of teens.
(3) parents discovered that timeouts and other methods were ineffectual and became very frustrated. The result of this was a lot more anger in the home and thus the potential for explosive situations went right up.

The Arguments Against Smacking

Organizations make big outcries on a regular basis about the need to outlaw physical discipline because of the link to child abuse and violence, but there is very little hard evidence to support their claim. The research they quote never looks at smacking in isolation, but instead groups it with all forms of punitive punishment, including whipping. It is hardly surprising that the results of such studies are negative.

Smacking leads to child abuse and fatalities if parents are dealing with other issues such as poor parenting skills, drugs, alcohol or other deep seated issues. For instance, recent Australian research has found that the typical child murderer is a young man in a de facto relationship with the victim's mother. These are not cases of normal parents losing control.

In fact, I would argue that modern parenting styles actually make it more likely that parents will be driven to anger and frustration and lash out. For instance, in the year after smacking was outlawed in Sweden, child abuse cases rose by nearly 50%. A 2003 UNICEF study report on abuse-related deaths showed that four of the five countries with the lowest child abuse death rates allowed smacking.

Normal well adjusted parents know where to draw the line. They are not trying to hurt their child when they discipline them. If we demystified smacking again and taught parents once again to use smacking as the 'first line of defence' instead of the last resort, they would be able to regain control of their family - and themselves - again. It would be seen again as a training tool instead of a punishment.

The case for smacking

A smack has remained popular for so many generations because it is tried and true. A parent has to react rapidement to successfully correct a child, and using a smack as discipline allows them to do so. No thinking about appropriate consequences, what did I do last time, did I use the same punishment for their sister, how long should it be for? Just a quick, immediate consequence that lets them know 'wrong choice'.

For when you remove smacking as a discipline tool, what are you left with? Talking and weak consequences. The fact that parents are still dealing out 'consequences' well into their children's teen years is proof that this approach doesn't work well.

A child who is disciplined consistently and calmly from an early age should have well and truly learned his boundaries and rules of behaviour by the time he is 12. A well disciplined child would not dream of being disrespectful to his parents because the rules of behaviour are deeply entrenched after 12 years of training.

Parents can't effectively manage teenagers with physical discipline or even consequences. The basis of their control has to come from the awe and respect children hold for their parents. This is a rare thing today because awe and respect comes from seeing parents in control of their emotions, seeing parents as authority figures who always know what to do, seeing parents as all-knowing and all-wise, seeing parents as the source of laughter, fun, care - and consistent discipline. Modern parenting advice has successfully torpedoed a lot of those opportunities for developing awe and respect.

So what is the solution?

If your child is still a toddler, it is very simple.
(1) Resolve to never lose your cool again when correcting your children. Become a good actor if you have to.
(2) Resolve to use smacking as a first resort, not the last. Tell a child to do something once and only once, whether he is 9 months old (obviously have appropriate expectations.) At 9 months, all you are trying to teach is usually ' No, don 't touch', etc.) or 9 years. Then calmly go over, repeat 'no' and smack their hand. The smack should only be strong enough to sting for about 3-5 seconds.
(3) Do not explain, argue or reason with your children. They've either heard it all before, anyway, or are too young to understand.
(4) Be consistent! This is a very important rule as it is fundamental to teaching your children their boundaries. If you decide you are going to warn once and then smack, always do that. If you don't want to use a smack, it is still vital to be consistent.

If your child is school aged or older:
(1) If your children are school aged or over, it is too late to introduce smacking as a discipline tool. However, many of the same rules apply. Choose a couple of consequences that will cause discomfort and be consistent. It is important to find consequences that will be uncomfortable enough to act as a deterrent; otherwise, the lesson will never be learnt.
(2) Write up a chart and group behaviours which will receive the same consequence. This is as much a reminder for you as your child.
(3) If your teen tries to argue with you or is disrespectful, send them to the toilet for a timeout. Sounds funny, I know, but it is effective because a) it removes them from the scene so neither of you can get upset, and b) it is so boring that they quickly calm down. Don't allow them to come out until they are calm, apologise and get on with the job given.

Whatever form of discipline you choose, remember that children need to perceive that their parents are in control of their own emotions and impulses. That means, self discipline is even more important than what method of discipline you choose to use.

Do you wish parenting wasn't so difficult? It doesn't have to be! There are 5 key principles that you just have to master in order to raise a well adjusted family with a minimum of stress. Read more articles on these principles at 5 Keys Parenting.

I understand that the Acronym for P.D.D. is already taken for Pervasive Developmental Disorders, but I believe it should have stood for Parental Dysfunction Disorder.  What IS Parental Dysfunction Disorder?  It's parenting with dysfunction which creates disobedience disorders in children.  You tell me if you think this is based on theory.

The parent who argues with their children, tells them what to do in angry tones and threatens them without teaching or explaining to the child why it's important, safe, or mature to obey have P.D.D.   This parenting method will bring rebellion into any child's heart and it will become a matter of who has more control in the teen years. 

Parents learn discipline from their parents so behaviors are passed down generationally and these behaviors are usually blind spots.  Those who do not learn better ways to parent will repeat the patterns in similar ways.  

Parents who insist that their child "isn't listening" need to understand one very important point; your child is listening to every word you say but they are not obeying you because your own rebellious spirit hasn't learned to obey.  It's like telling a child not to smoke while you have a cigarette butt hanging out of your mouth.  Teaching your child how to obey and how to make good choices starts by you teaching in a calm loving way what a choice is that leads to obedience.  

Perhaps you are getting spun up by reading this article because you believe kids are to be told what to do and should only be seen not heard.  That's one perspective, then there is the one of choice.  What is right for me may not be right for you, but the question is, what is right for your child?

Below are two examples of choices you can say calmly and lovingly before an argument breaks out and you can use these in any given situation: 

For Toddlers or older:  "You have a choice;  A - either you can obey me and come sit down to eat your food, or B - you can sit in a time out first and then come to the table.  Which would you prefer?"  Give them time to think and respond.  If they chose B, then follow through with the consequence according to their age (a 2-year-old would have a 2 minute time out, where a 10-year-old would have 10 minutes).  Develop a 'time out spot' in your home and keep bringing them back to that spot if they get up over and over.  Every time they get up their time must start all over again. When they finish the time required you ask them if they are sorry for disobeying and give them a hug.  Situation resolved.

For Teenagers:  "You have a choice;  A - You can come in by 11:00 pm tonight and we'll gladly help pay for your car insurance, or B - you can come in at 1 am but your car will remain in the driveway on cylinder blocks until you learn to abide by the 11:00 pm curfiew." Follow through with this if you have said you would do it.  Be a person of integrity so your child can be one also.

In these examples there is no arguing, no unloving yelling, no fearful threats being perpetrated against the child, and a choice was given for them to be accountable and responsible.  If they make the right decision, you acknowledge them with a hug, a pat on the back or verbally saying, "Nice job on making a good decision."  Acknowledge yourself for making the right choice to discipline with love.

Help them learn to think for themselves by giving them a choice so they learn to do the right thing before you go into combat.  Being consistent is key.  This becomes a win-win for everyone in the home.

Would you like to know more about parenting skills to preserve your relationships? Learn from Coaching Expert Kellie Frazier, CEO of Connecting LLC.

Receive free PDF's today by joining the on-line Connecting Community at http://www.kelliefrazier.com You will also have access to free conference calls to help answer your questions about connecting to others in ways you haven't before.

Kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder are "unconventional," and they need "unconventional" parenting strategies.

How do I know whether or not I have an "unconventional" child who will need to be parented using "unconventional" parenting strategies?

Please review the following statements. Are they true for you rarely, sometimes or frequently?

1. I have a hard time saying "no" to my child.

2. When I say "no' to my child, "no" eventually becomes a "maybe" which eventually becomes a "yes".

3. I have blamed myself for my child's misbehavior.

4. I sometimes feel guilty about my parenting (e.g., "I haven't done enough" or "I haven't done a very good job").

5. I often feel distant from my child.

6. I feel that my child has no appreciation for all I've done for him/her.

7. I try to be my kid's "friend."

8. I sometimes feel sorry for my child.

9. I have 'gone off' on my kid ...then out of feelings of guilt, I let him have his way.

10. My kid uses guilt-trips on me a lot.

11. My kid usually gets his way in the long run.

12. He can be verbally/physically aggressive.

13. She refuses to do any chores.

14. He is very manipulative.

15. I feel guilty because of having to work and not being able to spend enough time with my kid.

16. I feel sorry for the kid because of divorce or an abandoning father/mother.

17. I don't want my kids to have to go through what I went through.

18. My kid is in charge (the tail is wagging the dog).

19. My kid feels entitled to privileges, but not responsible for his actions.

20. She does not get along well with authority figures.

21. He believes the rules do not apply to him.

22. She is resentful about something that happened in the past.

23. He has attention-deficit problems too.

Do these phrases describe your kid's behavior fairly accurately?

1. Often loses temper

2. Often argues with adults

3. Often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules

4. Often deliberately annoys people

5. Often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior

6. Is often touchy or easily annoyed by others

7. Is often angry and resentful

8. Is often spiteful and vindictive

9. Often bullies, threatens, or intimidates others

10. Often initiates physical fights

11. Has used a weapon that can cause serious physical harm to others

12. Physically cruel to animals

13. Physically cruel to people

14. Has stolen other's property

15. Has broken into someone else's house, building or car

16. Often lies to obtain goods or favors or to avoid work

17. Often stays out at night despite parental prohibitions

18. Has run away from home overnight without returning home for a lengthy period

19. Often skips school

If most of these statements are true for you and your child, then you will (a) benefit from using a set of "unconventional" parenting strategies, and (b) make a bad problem worse if you don't.

Most parents who have kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder are therapy-drunk. What I mean is their child has been in anger-management therapy for his violent outbursts, the family has had family therapy in order to develop conflict management skills, mom and dad have had couples therapy (or marital counseling) to resolve communication problems, mom has had individual psychotherapy for her depression. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. You don't need any more therapy!

I find that when parents have a few simple parenting-tools in dealing with the out-of-control teen, they actually do a much better job of influencing him/her to change his behavior than a judge, probation officer, cop, counselor, psychotherapist, etc.

Can I give you an idea real quick? A change agent is someone who influences another person to make some improvements in his behavior. You can learn how to be the change agent -- and you'll do a much better job than others because you're the kid's parent, and you will see him/her nearly every day as long as he/she continues to live at your house. A therapist would only have about 12 hours of "influence time" if he/she were doing "family therapy" with you and your kid ...you will have thousands of hours of influence time.

You managed your child up until he/she reached puberty. Then your kid fired you as the manager and said, "I'll take over from here." The best you can do now is to be re-hired as a consultant.

You can't control your kid, but you can influence him or her. And if the parent fails to influence the child, the world will CONTROL the child -- and the world is not concerned about what is right or fair.

Know that your child WILL resist any parenting changes you implement. For a while, it may seem as though things are getting worse. This is because your child is adjusting to the changes you make. But don't be fooled!!! Your oppositional child will try very hard to make you believe that your parenting changes are not working and that your discipline has no effect.

No Half Measures! --

When parents implement "unconventional" parenting strategies, the change cycle looks something like this:

1. Initially, things get worse (i.e., your kid does not like your new parenting strategies and begins to act-out even more)

2. After a few weeks, problems between parent and child eventually occur less

frequently, but with the same intensity (e.g., instead of five heated arguments a week, there are only two)

3. Problems between parent and child occur less frequently AND with less

intensity (e.g., only one argument a week that is not very heated)

Will problems go away totally -- and stay away forever? No. But problems are likely to occur with less frequency and severity over time. And you will be able to cope better due to a reduction in your stress-level.

You literally have the toughest job in the world, because you are helping with the development of a human being (your child). And humans are the most complex things on earth - more complicated than computers (after all, humans created computers), more complicated than spacecraft (after all, humans created space craft). And humans are especially complicated when they are teenagers with oppositional defiant tendencies. So this week when you begin to doubt yourself or feel discouraged or feel overwhelmed, remind yourself that this is not an easy job for anyone.

For more information on "unconventional" parenting strategies, please visit http://www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Mark Hutten, M.A., is a family therapist and a probation officer who works with teens and pre-teens experiencing emotional/behavioral problems associated with Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Conduct Disorder. He works with these children and their parents ? in their homes. You may visit his website here: http://www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com/sl

If you are the parent of a teenager, I am sure your patience has been tested more than once. In addition, if you are the parent of a rebellious teen, your job is probably even more trying. So what can you do as a parent, to really help a difficult teen? I think the most important quality you can have is to be unrelenting. Do not ever give up on them, on helping them, standing by them, or on parenting them. If you do, who else will they have?
As parents, our job is to love our children unconditionally as we guide them through childhood and into adulthood. No matter how much they test us, fight us, argue with, ignore us or rebel, we must be persistent as parents. There will always be those difficult days...the days when we are exhausted, frustrated, disappointed and overwhelmed, but every day ends and a new one follows. Keep that in mind. Time is not infinite. There is always an end. Be unrelenting.

So how can you be relentless as a parent? A few things that come to mind are to stay active and involved in their life, pursue them and show attentiveness in what interests them. Attend any events they may have, or accept and participate in any of their leisurely activities that you can. For instance, if you have a child who likes to ride skateboards, go and watch them at the skate park, get to know their friends, maybe attend a professional event with them, like the Dew Tour. Whatever it is they are currently passionate about, get interested in too. Also, be sure to let your teen know that you will always be there for them and that you are always available to listen.
Another part of being relentless is choosing to never give up. No matter how hard a situation gets, be willing to learn more, to seek answers, to find the help you need. Nobody is born knowing all there is to being a parent. Therefore, learning is going to be a part of the process. It is imperative that you remain willing to continue reaching out, to keep trying, and to keep learning. It is then, that you will remain close to your child, even through those rebellious teenage years.



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The process of learning parenting is rough on the first born. Inexperienced parents can have the best intentions and still make mistakes that have long range negative impact on their children. Child-Compassionate Parenting adheres to developmental stages and provides for the healthy personality to develop while maintaining parental control and reason. Here are ten parenting pitfalls to avoid.

1. ARGUING IN FRONT OF THE CHILD

Irritation and exhaustion make parents more volatile. Complaining and bickering may relieve some built up pressure but these anger embers can explode into a yelling fight. Young toddlers can be so alarmed that they may have accidents or get ill when their parents become angry. Screaming and anger were part of a survival reaction when the mother deemed an intruder was life threatening. There is no excuse for putting this much stress on a child. Discuss adult issues and disagreements in civil and polite tones. The person who is yelling is trying to win an argument by acting violent and that is unfair fighting.

2. SENSORY OVERLOAD

The body can handle millions of bits of information intake but then it needs a break. The noise level of children, their television programs, appliances, pets and phones can leave a parent confused and stressed. A fifteen minute walk, with only the sound of the birds, can do wonders for your psyche. When the child is safely in his or her stroller and you are away from unimportant urgency, telephones and chaos, then you can process and relax. A slow stroll without any other purpose than to "Listen to the song of life," as Katherine Hepburn often said. At home, if your child is clearly in sight, make a cup of hot green tea and sip it slowly wearing earplugs. The combination of antioxidants and silence is healing. Sound is a necessary warning signal, so mini breaks only.

3. NO NO'S

As a child ages they can learn from other peoples mistakes, but toddlers want to experience everything for themselves. Eliminate the possibilities for disaster rather than spend the precious time you have with your child saying, "No" so many times that the child becomes immune to the word. Save "No!' for dangerous moments that could be life threatening. You want that word to stop them in their tracks so do not over use it on meaningless control issues. If the child is drawn to Grandma's colorful vase, put the vase away and replace it with a plastic object or stuffed animal. Let the child explore, touch and occasionally taste the room's objects until they have learned what they need to learn. Usually, the child only makes one pass across everything. Follow the child patiently helping them to explore the breakable items, explaining that this will break so we leave it alone. Then, put the vase up where there is no chance of a mistake. The vase is nothing compared to your child.

4. SWIM

Teach your child to swim. "Drowning is the second leading cause of accidental injury-related death among children ages 1 to 14 and the leading cause of accidental injury-related death among children ages 1 to 4." (usa.safekids). Even if you are afraid of the water yourself or hate the amount of chlorine your child is exposed to in public pools, teach your child to swim. Drowning is preventable unlike a car accident or many other accidents. Chlorine is as hard on your lungs as your eyes so insist on better ventilation at swimming pools especially an indoor pool with low ceilings. Non-chlorinated disinfectants are available and used in many European pools. But if all you have is the local pool reeking of chlorine, you owe your child a fighting chance to swim to safety. Teach your child to swim now.

5. VEGANS

Good idea but the human body is complicated and requires B12 and Vitamin D and fish or nut oil good fats that can not be supplied in many limited diets. Feed your child a variety of healthy organic foods as often as possible but do not be too restrictive. We only know a fraction of the intricacies of the chemical reactions in the body and many facts become fiction as science discovers new evidence. Waiting for water in plastic bottles when often municipality water is superior can lead to dehydration and serious complications. Letting a young child feel painful hunger pangs because the food is not perfectly nutritious is counterproductive to good parenting. Sometimes it is O.K. to help the child deal with difficult situations with a full belly of just O.K. food.

6. ASSUME THEY ARE GOOD

See that mischievous glint in your child's eyes that alerts you to impending trouble? Remember it well so that you recognize it when as teenagers they get that same look when they have an exciting idea. Even as you absolutely know for certain that they are doing something wrong, discipline means teaching. Remind them of the consequence of disobeying you and wait to see what they do. They will weigh the potential pleasure reward of doing what they are thinking versus the severity of your consequence. Typically, they will choose pleasure. Calmly, shake your head and say I asked you to do that and instead you did the other. The consequence will now be this. If you are really clever you will have already pasted the crime and punishment on the refrigerator before it happens so you can say, "See." Start with very tiny logical consequences, like a minute of time out that matches their age and loss of gadgets and privileges when they are older. Save the big punishment for drug and alcohol use, stealing or not using a condom, much later. Never use big threats or joke with threats. When it is really important they will not know whether you are serious or joking.

7. YOU ARE ON

After a long day of work, a couple just wants to eat, shower and sit down. But who is watching the baby? Never leave a child unattended. You must get a response from the other parent acknowledging that they are on duty before you run to the bathroom or step outside even for a moment. When you are on, you must prioritize your job of protecting your child from harm over a television game, surfing the internet or making dinner. Make a section of a visible room a safe play area that is baby gated and away from obvious danger. Toddlers can stack toys together to make an escape faster than you can get back to your computer chair. Never leave a child in front of a television while you go back to sleep. They can open a door and be in the street so quickly. You use to love to play. Perhaps, you could play with your child joyfully for a while. Some day they will not want you anymore. So relax and enjoy running in the park, puppets and card games again. When they leave for college, you can repaint the house and get new flooring. Tolerate messy toys, spills and other accidents.

8. TRUST BUILDING

Realities of life are extremely harsh. As humans we must suspend the truths of our short existence. Our vulnerable body can die in a few minutes from a cut or a few inches of water. Knowing how to balance protective parenting and fear inducing anxiety is tricky. Teaching the kindness and beauty of the world is more important than teaching the horrific things people do to each other. If you want your child to know Jesus, teach the wisdom of Jesus, not the sadistic brutality of Roman gladiators nailing a man's hands. If you want your child to love animals visit a zoo, or adopt a pet rather than watching the television footage of a lioness eating the belly of a living deer. You need to stay informed, but the news is also on at ten after the child is asleep. Can you really explain to them why other parents allow their adult children's bodies to be contaminated and destroyed in wars? Can they believe it won't happen to them? Protect your children's hearts and minds at every opportunity until they are in school where they will learn the history of man soon enough.

9. NIGHTY NIGHT

Never use bedtime as a punishment. A child abruptly left in a dark room to sob is abhorrent to experienced parents and anyone who has a heart. Such selfish parental quick fixes will result in long term damage to trust and self esteem. If you must punish a worn out tired child, use time out instead. Then, begin a pleasant nighttime ritual of bath, brushing teeth, p.j.'s, a book, a favorite bear and blanket, a kiss and good night. This ritual will cut down on phobias, nightmares, guilt, anxiety and hysterically crying rejected little children. Bedtime is one of the most loving experiences of parenting that when done correctly results in strong bonding.

10. BUDGET BABYSITTERS

Funds are tight and so many purchases seem important, however, spend money on a babysitter at least once a week. Time alone with your spouse in dating mode will help keep your love alive. Like a delicate flower you must water, feed and care for you living and changing love. Men need attention from their wives and wives need nurturing from their men. Hire a babysitter, grandparent or older teen to play with your child while you spend time with each other as a couple. Go play miniature golf, or bowl or dance, feel young again, carefree and unencumbered for a little while. The best gift you can give your child is a stable, happy home life, not an abundance of things or fancy schools.

Forgive in your heart the struggles of childhood and parent with a compassionate, not critical code of behavior. Parenting is the hardest job you will ever do. Your reward will not be your child thanking you for your sacrifices. Your reward will be the realization that your parenting skills advanced forward as you watch your grown child parent your grandchild with Child-Compassionate Parenting.

Dr. Molly Barrow, Ph.D. Clinical Psychology, http://www.drmollybarrow.com, American Psychological Association, is host of The Dr. Molly Barrow Show on Progressive Radio Network, author of Matchlines for Singles, Matchlines Relationship Quiz, Malia & Teacup Awesome African Adventure and Malia & Teacup Out on a Limb, http://www.maliaandteacup.com and quoted in O, The Oprah Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, New York Times, CNN.com, Match.com and has appeared in films and television news.

Over the last 25 years or so being a single parent has become more usual and acceptable to society. It is no longer frowned upon, in fact now days it is quite the opposite. Many people are inspired by how they are able to look after their children alone. Over this period of time more support structures have been put in place that have help the single parent to raise their family.

Often the results of being a single parent are due to 3 main factors which are death of a spouse, divorce or a teenage pregnancy

When a child is born out of wedlock it does not in anyway affect the parental status as proven by the statistics.

Over the past 20 years surveys have shown the number of single parent family households has nearly doubled. A census in America shown that 59% of children are at one stage live with a single parent. These stats are only an estimate. Recent figures shown that there are close to 12 million single parents who are raising their family alone in the US. Adding to that figure is that children under the age of 18 will live with either their mom or dad. Just over 80% of children who live with a single mother.

The families that are headed by a single women are more vulnerable, this is because of a number of reasons. The main one being that the women's social position in society is still weaker than that of the men. Not only do single mothers have to deal with the gender based limitations of gaining employment but also have to cope with a demanding family. This can cause a lot of pressure if she is provided with no support from external sources.

There had been policy proposals that were put in place for single parents to receive social benefits but these have been controversial. According to liberal individualist, if people choose to have children, they are responsible to look after them.

The collectivist position which dominates continental Europe holds that children are other people's business as well. This position also believes that the interest of the children is far greater than any concerns about the morality of the parents.

With people always looking for ways to cut money they often forget about the child's needs. And I'm not talking about the parent here. Being a single parent more financial support should be provided. Making sure a child grows up with the most care should always come first.

Aside from these economic realities, single parents also have to face the reality that children who live with single parents or even with a parent and step-parent, experience disadvantages in terms of psychological functioning, behavioral problems, education, and health.

Children with single parents are one and a half times likely to drop out of school and work in their early teens and twenties than children who grew up with two parents. Children with single parents are also twice as likely to have a child before the age of 20 as those raised in two-parent family.

Many psychologists and child development workers argue however that these studies are oversimplified and outdated. Many factors are involved in the psychological development of a child raised in a single parent home. Cooperation between divorced parents and quality of attention given to the child are examples.

No child in a single parent family is by default doomed for a maladjusted life. Single parents must model self-respect and self-nurturing to the children and establish a support system for the family.

Single parent surveys seem to suggest that children who live with a single parent will tend to not perform as will in their academic studies and will also receive less mental stimulation than those who live in two parent households. Personally I think the survey is false.

The best single parent advice on dealing with bringing your kids up alone would be not to be scared of asking for help from family and friends. Whether it be for babysitting or a hand in grocery shopping. I can understand that some single parents may not have this but do not let the pressure of parenthood get to you to much. There are lots of people and information out there that will help in providing advice on what you need. Single parents deserve our respect for being able to raise their child without a partner and should receive help in any form that they need.

If you are a single parent who would like to get more involved in the dating again then visit single parent personals [http://www.singleparentcenter.net/freesingleparentonlinedatingpersonals.html]. Another good resource we recommend for single parent dating is single parent dating services [http://www.singleparentcenter.net/freesingleparentonlinedatingservices.html].

Are you at a complete loss about how to parent your troubled teen? Do you argue with your teen and feel you can't get through to him or her? Are you aware of what's going on in your teen's personal life? Are you afraid to answer the phone because you know your teen is in trouble again?

Once your kids become teens, it's as if they become strangers. Teenage years bring pressures that mount with each passing year. Kids struggle with the age-old problems of peer pressure, grades, family and self-image. But now there are many more unique influences in your kid's life than ever before.

Think about it. Cyber-bullying didn't exist a few years ago. Neither did sexting. Kids are connected to each other 24 hours a day, 7 days a week technologically and that means socially, as well. They are interconnected through social networks like Facebook and MySpace. And that means that what one knows, all know. Rumors spread like wildfire and a kid's image and reputation can be ruined by a few cruel keystrokes.

And, unfortunately the internet provides troubled teens with outlets they might not otherwise have found. They can find supportive groups and fuel for destructive tendencies. It is all laid out for them with step-by-step instruction and encouragement.

Most teens have boundary issues and many can be labeled as disrespectful. But, some kids become depressed, withdrawn, angry or engage in destructive behavior. Others are obviously deeply troubled. It's hard to know how to parent a troubled teen when you aren't even sure if you contributed to your teen's behavior.

Troubled teens are engaging in destructive behaviors and are headed down a path that will destroy any chance at a positive future. They not only hurt themselves, they can destroy your family. But you are not alone. Most parents need help dealing with their troubled teens and seeking help is much smarter than going it alone.

What can you do as a parent of a troubled teen? There are options for you and there is help. Read on to find some help at http://www.squidoo.com/parenting-your-troubled-teen.

The single most effective parenting tip I can give you is setting limits for teenagers, followed up with consequences.

It's simple, your teenager needs and wants limits in his life. Oh sure, he'll constantly be pushing on those boundaries, but they give structure to his life. Like how late he can stay out. Or not to curse at his parents. Or even not to drink alcohol.

Limits have been part of his life as he was growing up. Like sharing with others, putting away his toys and washing his hands before eating. As he grows, his limits become different and more serious, but just as important.

He sees limits all around him. At school, on the bus and even at the store. He can't do just anything that he wants. He has to follow the rules to get along. He knows the rules are in place, just as he knows that some kids don't respect them at all.

It's your job to make sure that your child respects society's limits as well as your own limits that you set for him. You need to be his goal post that says how far he can push things. And he will try to push past your goal post, have no doubt. But when he does, make sure that you are ready with a consequence.

Consequences are simply the reactions that occur when he steps over the line. If he argues with his siblings, he spends time in his room. If he comes home late, he comes in earlier the next night. If he doesn't do his homework, he doesn't go out on the weekend.

You've got to be ready with consequences for your child, whether he breaks your boundaries, the rules set out at school's rules or just regular norms of society. Knowing that you are there with a consequence actually acts as a deterrent for most teenagers and keeps them in line. But you've got to be ready to carry out the consequence if he crosses the line.

A lot of people have trouble confusing consequences with punishment and oftentimes get it wrong. I've created a video that points out the number one mistake parents make when applying consequences.

Do you really want your teenager to respect you and your limits? If you are really interested in effective parenting, check out my video. You'll learn that setting limits for teenagers that are supported by consequences will set you on the right path.

Anthony Kane, MD is a physician and international lecturer who has been helping parents of children with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder online since 2003. Get help with Oppositional Defiant Disorder child behavior help with defiant teens ADHD treatment and ADHD. Check out our Free video if you are really interested in effective parenting

Many of us think that children are very easy to manoeuvre and we do not need to explain everything to them. It is therefore every easy to say a "No" or avoid a discussion that requires answering a lot of questions. Last week a friend of mine called me and told me that she had real trouble dealing with her 13 year old. He would just not accept any answer from her and he would argue about everything. I asked her a simple question - "What sort of interaction do you have with him?"

She did not understand the question and replied, "What do you mean?"

Then I asked her, "If I ask you to go through your day and think of all the interactions you have had with your son - which interactions do you remember and what sort of interactions were they?"

She recited some of the interactions and as I had expected - most of the interactions were simple daily chores, small admonishments and arguments, advice given while preparing food or doing household work, orders given and taken, yes-no conversations etc. In short there was not a single one-to-one, face-to-face conversation she had with her son. It was very obvious here that she had no meaningful relationship with her son and dealing with him was like getting a job done at home. She had avoided all difficult discussions either by a simply ignoring the problem or reproaching him or through superficial advising. Following are the five tips I gave her to improve the relationship with her son:

Give time:
Like every relationship, especially when your kid enters their teens, you need to give time to develop it to next phase. Teenage is a very critical and delicate stage of your child's life and you need to understand their requirements and mental state. Many teenagers are confused - they want to be treated like adults, but at the same time they are not sure how to take the responsibility of an adult. They are not sure what behaviours would give confidence to their elders and parents about their renewed sense of responsibility. Hence it is crucial to give time to redefine their identity for themselves.

Listen:
Listen not just to what they are saying but what they want to say. It is very crucial to understand the undercurrents and their feelings. They want to be treated like adults and not kids and the best we can do as parents is to treat them like one by giving them more responsibility/respect and not constantly chiding. Listening especially to what your child is meaning to say can give you a lot of cues on what you can do, how their mind is working, what are their fears and where they can go wrong.

Have face-to-face discussions:
Have at one face-to-face discussion with you kid - where the time belongs to them and you are not multi-tasking. Try and select a topic - "What did you do today?"; "How can we change the room set-up?"; "How are his/her friends doing?"; etc. Be genuine about topics and show interest in what they are saying. It might be a bit tough in the beginning, if you are not used to having these free flow conversations - but once you develop a rapport topics will crop up from no where. In these discussions, ask as many open ended questions - but allow you kid to do most of the speaking. Again this is the best way to understand undercurrents and hidden feelings.

Coach rather than direct:
Get out of the constant ordering mode and coach them as much as possible. Coaching is a technique where you play a role as a friend, philosopher and guide and not a pacesetter or commander. It takes a lot to step back and allow your kid to find the way, as most of the time you know the right answer. But, only when you loosen the reins a bit will you allow your child to grow. Coaching cultivates creativity, forces your child to think and most importantly generates confidence.

Give Space:
Finally, give space - don't keep on breathing down their neck. Allow them the latitude and show trust in their capabilities. You will be surprised; they will never let you down as they know that you have put a lot of trust in them. I have found that kids are most conscientious - much more than any of us. Most of us are rather protective of our children - hence they have not been touched by the grueling truths of the world, which makes most of us shrewd or crafty. If we can allow them to experience trust and honesty in the safe environment at home they will become stronger human beings in the future, when they have to face the world.

Teenage is like a tectonic shift in life of your child. For them, it is a sudden realization of their identity and their worth; they start understanding things lot more and start relating to events. It is also a time of emotional upheaval, where they are constantly searching their self, about what they stand for and what they want to do. As they move into teenage - our kids form early images of what they want to do in their lives, have their heroes and idols and change their habits to live up to the image they form about themselves. All you can do is positively reinforce right behaviours, make them see the pitfalls of certain behaviours and most importantly become their friends rather than parents. Only then will you be able to develop trust in the relationship.

The author is a successful marketing executive in a large consumer goods company and a mother of two boys. She has had a rough ride in the past two years and has successfully saved her family from the brink of disaster by working on her parenting techniques. She specialises in parenting tips. You can access her free report "New Parenting Style" or buy her book "Solving Teenage Problems" on http://www.teenageproblems.newparentingstyle.com or check your "Parent Stress Intensity Quotient" on http://www.stressmanagement.newparentingstyle.com.

Teenage rebellion: one of the certainties on adolescent parents. The scene when the children begin to become adults is one where their full frame of reference on the world changes. There are new rules for them to follow, of new sources of power and influence in their lives, and they must learn to place in the world. An essential part of successful teenage parenthood is helping your child learn their limits.

One thing that should occur when parents adolescents, it is that you must ask your first reactions to what your teen. If your daughter dyed blue hair or your son starts wearing make up, you want may face in the future, but don't forget that they are not hurting anyone. They will be stopped once they feel foolish, or changes of mode. In addition, it is important what your teen looks outside if they are a good person inside? It is an essential thing for a souvenir for young parents.

Key tactics to know when parents adolescents, once you have done that the actions of your ADO are step harm to someone, is to avoid confrontation. Your teen will probably argue back, worse things for you all and test how far they can push. Try and remain calm and patient in all aspects of teenage parenthood. Have a discussion on a particular behavior, try and have a general discussion and ask questions which will be lead them to think things through by themselves.

Forgive your adolescent. Often, this is something difficult to do when parents adolescents, but remember that they are just learning. Be fair but firm. If they do or say something that you can not find acceptable adult, tell them. They may not know that their behavior is unacceptable. Give them the opportunity to apologize and change their behavior before taking action. This is something key to adolescent parents remember. If they once again, and then ignore, if possible and take appropriate measures if it affects other people in a negative way.

Teenage parenting can be stressful, but can also be so much fun. You have a new adult in your life who can do things that that could not your children. They are required to verify the limits and see what they can and cannot do, and it is something that almost all teens parents must deal with. If you are seriously concerned about the behaviour of your much ADO and there are indications that they could be harming themselves or others, then please do not be worried about seeking professional help.

The author is an executive marketing successfully in the business of large consumer goods and of a mother of two boys. She has had a rough ride over the past two years and recorded his family on the disaster while working on his techniques successfully in parenting. It is specialized in the Councils of the parents. You can access free report "New Style" parental or buy his book "The Teenage problems resolution" on http://www.teenageproblems.newparentingstyle.com or check your "Parent Stress intensity Quotient"on http://www.stressmanagement.newparentingstyle.com. "."

Often times it's hard for parents to know if their teen has a behavioural problem because many of the teen's behaviours can be attributed to rebellious teenage behaviour. To know if your teen has behavioural issues, consider if your teen's behaviours are a normal, everyday occurrence. If your teen is frequently defiant and disobedient and continuously violates rules, your teen may have a behavioural problem. Signs to look for include:

- Not following rules

- Arguing with adults and peers

- Not taking responsibility for his or her own actions

- Regularly loses his or her temper

- Easily annoyed or angered

- Purposely annoys other people

To make matters worse, teens with behavioural problems often use such behaviours as using drugs and alcohol, sex or violence to deal with their emotions. So while you may be dealing with a teen who has a behavioural problem, you may also be trying to overcome a drug or alcohol addiction.

How to Deal With a Teen Who Has Behavioural Issues

Remember that your teen's behavioural issues do not have to be a permanent problem. You must overcome this as a family and the first step is to determine what is causing your teen to have these behavioural issues. Perhaps it's conflict within the family or problems at school that are causing your teen to act out. It's possible that even your teen may not know what's really bothering her.

That is why family and individual counselling is the first step in dealing with your teen's behaviours. Through counselling, your teen can work out his inner feelings, while taking the time to explore what it is that's causing him to act out. Family therapy also allows for the family to reconnect and work through some of their problems as a group.

It is also important to bond with your teen by being an active listener; remember to ask questions, meet her circle of friends and know what's going on in her day-to-day world. Listening is not sharing your own experiences or advice, instead it is sitting down with your teen and giving your full attention and support.

Even if you disagree with some of your teen's beliefs, you need to learn to accept your teen for the person he is becoming. Arguing over a disagreement will only add to the stress and tension of the relationship, causing your teen to further his behavioural issues. If there is a problem at hand, wait until you and your teen have taken some time away from each other and then readdress the topic under neutral grounds.

Also keep in mind that although you want to share your support and love with your teen, it's important that you stand firm and set boundaries. You need to show your teen what is expected from her and that following rules is a valuable step in becoming an adult.

What if My Teen Continues to Break the Rules?

For most teens with behavioural issues, a combination of group and individual counselling, as well as taking an active part in their life, proves to be successful tools in reducing and eliminating behavioural problems. However, there are still many teens that struggle with behavioural issues long after counselling and ongoing parent interaction.

If your teen continues to be defiant and break the rules without having regard for others, you will have to encourage others to form the same structured and firm environment that you are providing at home. Speak with your teen's teachers or coaches to ensure that they hold the same expectations for your teen as you do. Be sure that you are consistent in your rules and hold consequences in place for when the rules are disregarded.

Also consider empowering yourself as a parent by taking parenting classes or joining a parenting support group. You will learn effective parenting strategies and techniques when dealing with your defiant teen, as well as gain the confidence to stand your ground when making and executing rules. Keep positive and offer your teen love, without giving in to your teen's demands.

Most importantly, try to find something enjoyable that you and your teen can do together. Perhaps a pottery class or seeing a movie once a week will give the two of you time to reconnect and take pleasure in being with each other. The goal is to get your teen to see that disregarding rules only leads to a series of unnecessary and negative consequences.

This article is provided by Maame Sarpong who runs http://Kiddyriffic.com.

Visit http://www.kiddyriffic.com for a unique range of high quality children's furniture, indoor and outdoor toys, luxurious eco friendly gifts and many more.

There is a parenting community available with a wide range of useful resources to help in the day to day decision making as parents, including parenting articles, a discussion forum, local activities for the family to enjoy and recipe sharing.

If you are currently parenting a teenager you know how frustrating and even scary it can be.

Let's face it, parenting a teenager can be confusing, too. Sometimes learning what NOT to do is easier than trying to figure out what new idea to add into your parenting style.

I have been parenting for over two decades and am currently parenting my third teenager. Based on my own experience, here are the top three worst things you can do while parenting a teenager. Just avoiding these can go a long ways towards building a successful relationship with your teenager and thereby improving the harmony of your home.

Mistake #1. Ignoring your teenager

Teenagers are intense social animals. The stage of development they're moving through is complex and confusing to them. Their days are often anything but calm and stable. As their parent, you can sense this just by being in the same room with them or listening to their conversations with their friends.

If you are uncertain as to how to guide them, in your genuine frustration you may have fallen into the trap of ignoring your teen. If you simply don't know what to say to your teen's rude facade or embarrassing questions or painful silences then you may have decided to hunker down and just try to get through these difficult years in one piece.

Mom or dad, if that description sounds familiar, please take heart. There are better and easier ways of parenting your teenager. In fact, if you are ignoring your teenager, you are choosing the most difficult path available to you, from a long-term perspective.

Let's get something straight. It's okay if you don't know what to say to your teen. What your teen needs most from you is to be *heard*. Instead of walking away when an uncomfortable conversation begins, take a deep breath, look into your teen's eyes and intensely listen. If you have been ignoring your teen for awhile, it will take some time for your teen to believe that you are really interested in them. Be persistent. You teenager will be unable to resist your offer to listen unconditionally.

Mistake #2. Avoiding problems

This is different from ignoring your teenager. As teens are maturing into young adults, they naturally explore more and more adult-type issues. Sometimes a teenager gets in over his or her head and desperately wants your help but doesn't know how to ask.

Sometimes a teen will taunt you, as their parent, with a forbidden behavior, challenging you to stand up and BE the parent.

As their parent, the best thing you can do is to face the problem head on, even if you have feelings of uncertainty yourself (and you probably will). If necessary, get professional help. Let your teenager see you are taking his or her problems seriously. Talk to them and then listen, listen, and listen.

If you find that there is a great deal of arguing going on in your household, then that needs to be the first problem you stop avoiding.

Show your teen how an adult behaves in such a situation.

* You can show your teen how to stay calm and in the moment.

* You can model quality listening.

* You can let them know that you are developing a plan of action.

* You can show them how to get help when help is needed.

Whether it's failing grades, suspected drug use, promiscuity, or speaking disrespectfully, avoiding the problem will only make it worse. That's not what you want. (If you would like more parenting teenager strategies, please see the resource box following this article.)

Mistake #3. Letting your teenager call all the shots.

If you are unsure of how to guide your teenager, you may have fallen into the habit of simply letting them do whatever they want, whenever they want.

Of course, this is a recipe for disaster.

There is a reason we adults are called to parent our children right up until the late teens.

Because they NEED parenting. Desperately.

Ideally, as a child grows he or she is slowly given more freedom and responsibility until, as a young adult, he or she is ready to take care of themselves completely.

However, since parenting is definitely an on-the-job training gig and hindsight is 20/20, many of us parents arrive at the teen years with a sense that we'd have done things differently had we known better.

That's okay. Start from where you are and move forward. Be honest with your teen and tell him you can see where changes need to be made that will benefit everyone involved.

Parenting a teenager means setting boundaries with your teenager that reflect your family's values. Enforce those boundaries consistently. Get help if you need it. Listen to and hug your teenager everyday. Don't ever give up.

In other words, be the parent. One day at a time.

Colleen Langenfeld has been parenting for over 25 years and helps other moms enjoy mothering more at http://www.paintedgold.com Visit her website and grab more parenting teenager strategies today.

If you constantly find yourself in disagreement with your teenager because of the generation gap, parenting will be a frustrating experience. You must Learn Smart Parenting to have a harmonious relationship with your teenagers, and so you must learn to understand your teenagers.

The Following are 10 tips on dealing with your teenagers and understanding their way of thinking.

Your Role As A Parent And A Friend Must Be Clearly Defined.

You are father or mother to your child, and you should also be a friend to them. You need to make a distinction between being a parent and the same time a friend to your child. You cannot judge your child whenever they confide their problems to you, as friends often do. As parents, you cannot do this because of your care for the child.

Be Involved In Their Life, And Show It.

To be involved means you must find the time to be with them whenever you have any spare time, especially if you rarely have the time to be with your children because of your work commitments. They will find it easier to come to you when they are in trouble if you make a point of learning about their life, their thoughts and their feelings.

Teach Them To Be Accountable.

Provide them with an allowance but don't pay them if they are not doing their chores, as agreed, for their allowance. Prepare your child for adult life and teach them that if they want something, they must work in some way in order to achieve it. The important thing is not the money, it is being responsible and independent which matters. By doing this you will train them to survive in this world.

Be There When They Need You.

Always let them know that you are there for them and can and will provide support for them. This is your essential and should never be overlooked by any parent.

Tune In To Their World.

You should always be aware of their leisure time activities, know what type of music they like (and actually listen to it) and remember the names of their friends.

Listen To What They Are Saying.

Always listen to them so that you will get the message that they are trying to convey and try to understand what they want These messages often means they need your help.

Explain The Reasons For Your Decisions.

Your children will learn better decision making skills if you explain the reason that you made a certain decision. They may not always agree with your decision but they will see the reasons behind your thinking.

Sometimes You Should Be Ready To Bend The Rules.

You must have a set of rules but there are always exceptions to these rules and there are times when you should be flexible.

Share Your Interest And Find Out About Theirs.

You may never ever have common interests but by sharing interests you will learn together and will understand your children better.

Always Keep Talking Even If You Think Your Teen Is Not Listening.

Teenagers do listen to their parents. This is something you may not know because it seems they only want to argue with you. You may think they are not listening to what you are saying, but this is only for now. Never stop giving advise, the advise always sticks

Follow these tips on understanding your child and you will Learn Smart Parenting.

Check out [http://learnsmartparenting.com] to learn how to become a Smart Parent and prepare your children for their life the 21st century.

Helen Cadd

When talking about a good parenting teenager model, one example which pops up to me is Tiger Woods and his parents, Earl and Kultida Woods. These parents had invested a lot to make Tiger Woods a great and inspiring golf legend.

When Earl passed away at 74 on May 3, 2006, Tiger said, "My dad was my best friend and greatest role model, and I will miss him deeply. I'm overwhelmed when I think of all the great things he accomplished in his life. He was an amazing dad, coach, mentor, soldier, husband and friend. I wouldn't be where I am today without him, and I'm honoured to continue his legacy of sharing and caring.'" Don't you want to hear your teen says like that one day?

I am sure parents are willing to make sacrifice to hear such comments from their children. This excellent parenting teenagers model should become an inspiration for all parents of teenagers.

You can enhance your role in parenting teenagers by investing in quality time, fund, love and appreciation to improve your relations with your teenagers:

· Be their coach and mentor. Recognize their strengths and weaknesses and help them to overcome the weaknesses.

· Help them believe in themselves. Show them that you have confidence in them and that they can make the right choices.

· Acknowledge their efforts. Encourage them that they possess the attributes you want for them. In some cases, stimulate them to improve and do better.

· Teach them the value of respect by showing your respect to them.

Parenting teenagers implies managing the conflicts with your teenagers wisely:

· Reflect on what you will say, how you will say it, and resolve to control your emotion.

· Concentrate on their behaviour, not on the persons.

· Convey your messages clearly and briefly.

· Address only one subject at a time.

· Make them feel that in spite of everything, you still love them.

· Do not argue with their points of view. Rather, express your own convictions and stand points.

· Do not belittle them. Talking down to them will annoy them.

· Do not preach. Preaching them will incite hostile attitude.

· Do not set boundaries you cannot force.

Parenting teenagers is about sharing, caring and daring.

Discover 150 Proven Strategies Of Parenting Teenagers

[http://www.ResourcefulParentingSkills.com]