How to motivate your unmotivated teenager - a crucial Intervention

Do not operate punish its conferences, supporting, pleading, rewarding and shout - you tried. Rather than trying to find the right positive or negative intervention, consider a solution in a completely different context. Rather than attempting to apply outside motivation, try it elicit Interior. The best way to do so is by exploring and developing the divergence of your youth, the difference between their goals and their actual performance.

For non-motivated children, it is quite common for them to say one thing ("I want to get good grades to") and another (do not complete duties). It is this discrepancy that you want to explore. Parents in general it by becoming upset, screeching comments such as "How can you expect to do the same when you do any work at home?" How you never expect succeed? You'll never experiment for good grades being so lazy. "Although each of these statements may be true and clearly identify inconsistencies in their teens, they are not useful or motivating. Here are a few guidelines to effectively develop this divergence.

Be curious. Ask questions, but do not question. Your questions should indicate a fresh curiosity. Like most parents, your typical examination indicates that there is only one acceptable answer for you. Instead, you can be bewildered or confused by the difference rather than upset by it. For example, I am curious, you said that you wanted to do really well in school this semester, but I see that you made few duties. Is there something that I do not understand? "I am a little confused". Or "there appears to be a difference between what you say you want and what you're doing." "Is it a problem that blocks your progress?

Be gentle. Do not take a one - up, authoritarian, approach book. Rather, approach the conversation as if you know nothing and simply want to understand view of your adolescent. Keep your quiet voice. Do not impose your point of view on them.

Listen. Teens are very used to be spoken to but unused to be listened to. Just listen, the judgment of restraint and as clearly as you do your best understand are vital to the process of motivation. You may not agree with them; Keep your judgments to yourself. They are already well aware of your good advice and know what you want that they would be; to simply repeat is not useful.

Remember, acceptance facilitates change. Keep in mind that the motivation is more a question of relations, as a personal quality of your adolescent. The steps listed above are essential aspects of this relationship of motivation.

Dennis Bumgarner, ACSW, LCSW is a family adviser who consulted with their parents for more than 35 years. He is the creator of the video training "get the behavior you want your child" and the DVD "Kindness, courtesy and Respect" of parents for children. In addition, he is the author of "Motivate your Intelligent but unmotivated adolescent." He is in demand as a trainer for parents, schools and social service organizations and has provided hundreds of presentations of training across the country.

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