If you are like many parents, when your defiant or angry child starts throwing a fit or arguing with you, you try to help them deal with their anger while it's happening. Have you found that this usually doesn't work? What if you could teach them the appropriate behavior before the tantrum or negative activity starts? This can be done by teaching your child how to solve the problem that led him to the emotion that he is feeling. You can do this by applying a focus on the thought process that led to him making a poor decision.
My son likes to tell me that "this isn't fair" or "that isn't fair". What I have been able to do since I learned how to help him is to get him to focus instead on what originally made him think it wasn't fair, and the poor decision he used to handle it. My son has to remember, and your child has to remember, that life isn't always fair. And just because this unfairness takes place does not give the child permission to handle it with inappropriate behavior. Learning to process these realities the right way will go a long way towards helping your child learn the behavior necessary to avoid the anger and defiance that has resulted in the past.
Here is a great way to begin putting this into practice. The next time your child begins to act out of anger or defiance, rather than focusing on the emotion, ask him to look at what he does when he gets angry. The idea here is to get the child thinking about the anger and what he does with it. Then ask him how he would handle it differently the next time it happens. From now on, redirect your angry child's focus to his thinking and not his emotions. This will begin to facilitate a change in his behavior, but it takes time and you need to apply it consistently
Are you tired of the chaos in your home from your angry or defiant kid? Would you like a game plan to restore peace and sanity to everyone in the family? For more information on how to deal with an angry child or a defiant child, visit angry child
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