Family Conflict and Divorce: How to Protect Your Kids From the Consequences

If you are considering divorce but still have to live with your spouse for now, you should remember the importance of not arguing in front of your kids. In fact, most kids who have to live with family conflict tend to suffer emotionally in various ways. If you want to avoid hurting your children's chances at success in life, you should learn how to deal with a spouse who insists on arguing. You should also find out how exactly family conflict affects the kids so you know what to watch out for.

How Do Children React to Conflict?

To your kids, you and your spouse are the people who love them most and are supposed to protect them. They feel safe with you, but when they see both their parents arguing, that feeling of security starts to slip away. This is especially true when fights get physical, whether you and your spouse hit each other or throw things.

Children can get stressed out easily when in the presence of arguments, no matter how old they are. Even babies tend to have a higher heart rate and blood pressure when their parents fight within earshot. They feel stressed and emotionally overwhelmed, which can cause a physical reaction, including clenched fists and crying. Slightly older kids who are potty-trained may react by having constant accidents.

School-aged children often react to family conflict by not being able to concentrate on their work. You may not notice at first, but their teachers usually will because test scores may plummet quickly. Kids who do not feel safe at home frequently feel too stressed to complete their homework or focus at all. Teenagers in particular not only do badly in school, but also turn to drugs and alcohol to deal with stress at home.

How to Avoid These Consequences

Of course, these facts do not mean that you can never bicker with your spouse without lasting consequences for your kids. But if you find that every day there is a new argument or even a physical fight with your spouse, it is probably time to consider divorce, or at least separate from each other while you decide what to do. Perhaps you already plan to get divorced, but have to live with your spouse for months or even years so that you have time to get on your feet. In fact, many couples these days have to wait for their home to build up equity before they can sell it and move away from each other.

However, this is no excuse to continue fighting in front of the kids. If you need to communicate with your spouse and know it will end up in an argument, you should either wait until you can both speak with your lawyers present, or wait until the kids are at school to talk. Counseling is another method of working out problems without bringing arguments home.

You need to provide a safe, stable environment for your children, and there is no way to do that with constant arguments. If you need additional ways to cope with communication problems, ask your divorce lawyer for assistance, for the sake of your kids.

Brian D. Perskin & Associates PC is a full service matrimonial law firm that handles family law and divorce cases. When you need help with equitable distribution, which includes pensions, real estate, business evaluations, enhanced earnings, child custody, maintenance, alimony/child support, prenuptial agreements, domestic violence, and other serious legal matters, we can get results. Contact us at so you can benefit from our team of family law professionals.

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS

Sex Education: Its Importance and Need in the Society

Sex Education, as the term clearly indicates, refers to education which is based on human sexual behavior. Parents, schools or caretakers offer it in some parts of the world to educate the children, who are stepping into their adolescence. If formally received, sex education is either taught as a full course at high school or junior high school level or in biology, health, home economics classes. Teaching sex education is rather a controversial issue; debates have been going on for several decades discussing if it should be taught formally in schools or not. Sex education in schools should exist without any doubts and apprehensions as it offers many benefits.

Adolescence is called the "age of storm and stress". The young teenagers, during this phase of life are under deep psychological pressure. Mainly, this psychological pressure is the result of one's growing sexual needs and the biological changes and hormonal effects on the individuals. During this time, most of the children are observed to become easily irritable. They find it difficult in most situations to deal with the family members. They might not want to talk to them about the natural changes taking place in their body and mind. In such circumstances, one highly suitable option is that of the teachers who are able to teach them to control their urges until a proper age. In schools, trained teachers would help the students to know how to deal with their sexual impulses. This role can not be replaced by parents or other entities. A classroom discussion and lesson would make them feel it is natural, and they would also feel that they are being understood by someone. However, taking them individually to psychologists or other trained educators would not help. In such a situation they might consider themselves to be different and misunderstood by family and people around them. Therefore, it becomes crystal clear that the best way to offer sex education is always in school.

It is a psychological phenomenon that children at young age are under an immense peer pressure. Something that they learn in the class with their peer group is what makes a better impression on their minds than otherwise. They are more focused in the lessons that teachers offer and are more eager asking question to clear their ambiguities. They might feel embarrassed and uneasy questioning their parents about it, but it always differs in case of the teacher in the class. This is because everyone in the class is going through the same stage. A class discussion becomes healthy source of learning as it helps in enhancing the knowledge on the subject.

Many people advocate that sex education should only be restricted to families, that is, that parents should personally educate their children. This view is totally illogical and holds complications and questions. The first point is that not all the parents would be willing to do it or would be able to do it. Secondly, this education needs a proper channel through which it should reach its required learners. There could be many possible problems in the families so they might not be able to take the role of a teacher in educating their children regarding sex. The demand of annulment of sex education from the schools is highly conservative.

Most importantly, there are many single parents, how would they take up this challenge of educating their children on their own? Parents can not properly educate their children about sex also because they lack details that qualified sex educators convey in schools. Thus, the stance of abolishing sex education in school is not a favorable thought. In many observed cases where parents or children are embarrassed about talking over sexual matters with each other, it is most likely to be uneasy situation at both the ends. This keeps the children from learning the answers to the questions they might have in their minds. This can be a great flaw of shifting the duty of sexual education from teachers to the parents. It will leave the children only half or less educated about the issue and as they say "Little knowledge is a dangerous thing", this might end up in grave situations.

According to research, most of the parents also feel uneasy because they know that they are not equipped to provide the apt sexual information to their children. They also fail to comprehend what details and information should be concealed and what should be revealed, keeping in mind their children's age. On the other hand, there might also be parents who would feel comfortable talking to their children about sexual matters, but only when the children bring the matter up.

Most parents, around the world, may also lack role models to look up to as they would not have talked over sexual issues with their own parents in their adolescent. This makes them inefficient to trigger their roles of educating their children in an effective way as the assigned teachers are able to do in schools.

Sex education is not limited to only a single branch of knowledge. This education focuses on a number of significant sexual matters that are offered with especially designed courses and programs. Sex education covers the education of relationships, sexual abstinence at a certain level and teaching to practice safe sex to the level of children who are thought to be sexually active. Therefore, its claim for being appropriate and guiding holds strong base.

At a certain age of adolescence, growing children have problems facing relationships and controlling their personal emotions. Conflicts related to such matters persuade many youngsters to commit suicides or take part in other immoral activities. Proper sex education in schools also concentrates in making the youngsters emotionally stronger and in educating ways to cope with relationship problems. This argument strongly shows the immense benefit of sex education in schools.

Sex education is an important health strategy and this cannot be denied. AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases can only be controlled if people are aware of precautions and have a vast knowledge in this case. This knowledge is conveyed through sex education, and if sex education is banned in schools and if parents have to educate their children, then it would not be as beneficial to the individuals and the society on the whole as teaching in school could be.

Sex education does not exist in all parts of the world. Asians are commonly regarded conservative when compared to westerners. It is not a part of their course in schools; this does not in any way mean that their teenage pregnancy rate is any lower if they are not exposed to sexual matters openly. In fact, this is one way how peers can mislead most of the youngsters and persuade them to bask in young age sexual relationships without any attempts for safety. This has resulted in serious problems such as the spread of fatal diseases like AIDS and has also increased rate of illegitimate births.

Researches have shown that the cause for ramification of STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) in the eras of 80s and 90s in the US and the UK is the lack of knowledge and information provided about sex in schools or home. Home and family has never and will never play an integral part in conveying sex education to teenagers, therefore to rely on the option of home, is to deceive your own self from the expected exigency in the future.

Some conservative groups assert that to discuss sexual issues openly is to devalue religion. No religion in the world abstain its followers from spreading the information that is so essential for human lives. Sexual behavior is natural and takes place through biological changes and this cannot be questioned as this is a part of human life. Thus people who take refuge under the religious shelter, to make their arguments strong, are misinterpreting religious ideas and laws.

Modern time is the time of internet and powerful media. Teenagers are exposed to Hollywood, TV and internet. These sources offer demonstration of sex which is highly thoughtless and casual; in this situation it is almost illogical to leave the teenagers on their sexual choices. They are young and fully excited; therefore they can not make a favorable choice. Sex education in school offers the information and knowledge they need to understand to know the responsibility that is accompanied by sexual relationships. The teacher in school helps the students to know the difference between a thoughtless and thoughtful sex. Having an urge for sex is not a problem; it is a natural process showing that the young people are developing to become adults; however the problem is having unsafe sex and hurting people through sexual choices.

People who claim that sex education in schools have more cons than pros, often come up with the statements suggesting that sex education in classroom should be avoided because the most effective tool for offering sex education, according to them is TV, films, magazines and media. Such people fail to understand that trained sex educators under especially designed programs teach sex education to children in schools. They are thus able to handle children's problems and clear their ambiguities in the best possible way, whereas magazines, films, TV and other channels and mediums of providing sex education are be reliable. They are most of the times urging the young people by encouraging their sexual promiscuity rather than effectively teaching and educating them. This wrong approach damages the society and the individuals in disguise of ameliorating them.

People contradicting the notion insist that sex education always makes the learners have sex and experience it personally, once they learn about it in school. The reality is that sexual urge for any human being is a natural occurrence. When children reach to a certain age, whether they find people to educated them about sex or not, they do have natural instincts about it, and therefore if provided a chance they would surely want to satisfy their urge. This natural reaction can not in any way be related to the outcome of sex education in schools. In fact, the best time for letting sex education play its role is when the sexual urge increases and the teenagers want to find a source for its satisfaction. It offers individuals with the required knowledge so that they are careful. It is only then that they understand the consequences of sex leading to child birth as well as sexually transmitted diseases. Thus sex education is basically a warning and a caution for such children who are stepping into the phase of life where they would need to know all this.

Some people who go against the topic also argue that even though sex education exists, it has still not decreased the rate of teenage pregnancies. I would rather not go deep in to the moral issue of the topic, but it is important here to discuss and point out the shortcomings of our society. Social values that insist that being single, pregnant and teenagers is fine, is what has to be changed. Through educating the children and making them aware that it is just not 'cool' to be pregnant when single or teenager, and just because 'others are also doing it' does not in any way justify their actions, this change can be achieved. There are many sexual education programs that teach the learners about the grave consequences that can result in having early sex. This type of sex education in schools is helpful and makes the learners responsible and mature enough to understand the difference between morality and immorality.

People, who are against the notion, repeatedly state the question that why sex education is given so much importance when there are also many other issues connected with juvenile delinquencies such as drugs, drinking and aggressive bullying. No doubt, there are also many other issues to consider important enough to be taught in school for awareness but psychological researches show that behind most of the juvenile behavioral problems, one main reason is always the active sexual urge which drives the young people to indulge themselves in harmful activities like drug abuse and alcoholism. It is also commonly observed that young teenagers who indulge into such activities are unaware of proper sex education. Once they are given a true picture of sex and its consequences their mental status relaxes and they are easily able to cope with other social taboos.

Parents, who believe that sex education pollutes the minds of their children, have in large number taken their children out of schools promoting sex education. In this process of instilling in their minds their religious and family values, they forget that the media, their children are largely exposed to can also lead them astray. Sex education in schools does not in any way offers them an invitation to have open sex by making them aware of the risks; it just educates them about the matter in the best way.

Apart from educating the students about safe sex, sex education in schools is also helpful as it helps students to learn proper terminology for reproductive system, STDs and birth contraceptives rather than the street lingo that is commonly used by laymen. Sex education classes are gender based and that is why the young learners are not embarrassed and are only taught what is related to their gender. Early inclusion of classes also helps the teenagers to either become abstinent for some time or to become responsible if they are already active. Therefore, many sexual problems that occur in adulthood can be controlled if effective and apt sex education is given at the right time.

A proper sex education which is holistic, nonjudgmental and comprehensive never misleads or misguides the teenagers. Such a curriculum should be imposed in all schools around the nation; it is an answer to many social problems and conflicts. Would any parent leave their kindergarten kids to walk alone on the streets without letting them know how to walk safely? No parent would actually do that, in the same way, letting your teenager children socialize with their peers and fellows without any proper sexual education is nothing contrary to the analogy mentioned above. It is hazardous and risky for their lives. Thus, proper sex education in schools should be encouraged so that they learn all the significant facts through trained teachers, who help and supports them in these matters of highly crucial value. Sex education should be taken as a positive aspect which promises healthier and better life for the youngsters. It therefore should be taken as a subject taught in schools to enhance knowledge on the subject matter; something merely as human anatomy or biology class. Sex education should be given in all schools to educate the children for their betterment, avoiding it will only result in emotional, social and health problems.

Read my book here whispers of my heart.

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS

Anemia in Adolescents

Adolescence is the most important phase of mental and physical growth. It is during the teenage years that adolescents will acquire a whole of knowledge and skill set that will help them become independent adults. However, for many young teenage girls and boys this may not be possible because of anemia.

Anemia is caused due to iron deficiency, which in turn can affect learning and development. Although anemia is more common in girls, boys too can develop it. Usually anemia occurs during adolescence when the teenagers experience growth. Usually menstruation is a major cause of anemia among teenage girls and this trend can continue into their adulthood. On the other hand, boys experience anemia and iron deficiency only during their teenage years when they are growing.

One of the major risk factors of anemia due to iron deficiency is experiencing heavy menstrual bleeding. Usually teenage girls do not have sufficient iron intake to compensate for the loss that occurs during menstruation. This is because they are more concerned about how they look and what they eat. In case you realize that your daughter is having heavy menstrual bleeding, it is best to get her tested for iron deficiency anemia.

One way to prevent anemia and iron deficiency is by inculcating good eating habits in teenagers. This means not skipping meals, dieting or only eating certain foods. Rather, teenagers should be taught to eat a lot of iron-rich food like green vegetables. Usually this habit should be taught from early childhood so that when your child becomes a teenager, you are not fighting and arguing over food with him or her.

Remember, iron deficiency can cause your teenager to do poorly at school. He or she can suffer from memory loss, show problems with verbal learning, have attention and alertness problems and end up getting low scores in math.

Pauline Go is an online leading expert in education & parenting. She also offers top quality articles like :
How Smoking Effect Environment,
Drinking & Driving Effects

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS

How to Motivate Teenagers

When it comes to motivating teenagers there are concepts that can be applied to just about all of them. At the same time it is important to account for different personality traits. We are all pretty familiar with the long list of teenage stereotypes. For example you have the bookworm, the nerd, the attention getter, the jock, the cheerleader, the weird one, the rebellious one, the popular one, and on and on.

There are other characteristics which are equally important to consider in terms of the type of person your teenager happens to be. Those characteristics will determine the best approach in how to motivate teenagers displaying them.

The Self-Starter

The self-starter is probably among the most desirable types of individuals. They are responsible and they take their responsibilities very seriously. When you have teenagers with this characteristic, you do not have to tell them the same thing over and over again. They tend to be self disciplined and comfortable working alone.

This is the kind of student that will come home and immediately get to work on homework assignments without being asked to do so. Why? Because he knows he needs to get his studies done before being allowed to do anything else. Your job here is simple: just recognized his accomplishments.

However you know just as much as I do not everyone fits this mold.

The Easily Distracted

This individual often times tries to be very popular. He wants to have lots of friends and knows a lot of people. He may even enjoy being the center of attention. He is likely to have a very active mind, very interested in all kinds of things. That curiosity will take him from one thing to another very easily.

This teenager is the easily distracted. For the parent it means being prepared to constantly remind him of what he needs to be doing. He has not yet learned how to focus his attention on one thing and stay with it until completion. He may start out pretty well but if something catches his attention he may drop the current task completely to chase after the distraction.

This teenager will require a lot of time and patience to help him develop good habits. You may find in working with him his particular interest. It is likely that it is the one thing he can focus on. As you instruct your teenager you may point this out to him. It will give him a concrete visual picture of what you're trying to convey.

The Master of Procrastination

A teenager who puts things off may mean well and sincerely intend to do the work, but just not right now. He tells himself he'll get around to it.

For the parent it means providing a lesson on what happens when you keep putting things off. You might search your memory for a personal experience that you can share. If you don't have one of your own you can share an illustration of what happens in his world.

Point out the outcome of not completing a homework assignment, or studying for a test. Putting those kinds of things off until later can mean that they never get done, or are done poorly.

The Lazy

The lazy teenager is clearly the opposite of the self-starter. It is probable that there is a reason behind the laziness. You as a parent will have to do some detective work to determine what that is.

Lazy teenagers generally don't see the relevance or importance of what they are called upon to do. They may even ask the question "What is the point?" When it comes to how to motivate teenagers with this characteristic you must carefully help them understand the relevance.

A teenager may complain that a particular subject is worthless. He may exclaim "Who cares about chemistry? I won't use that when I get out of school." Rather than argue you might begin pointing out the relevance of things by presenting a small challenge.

Ask your teenager to explain and describe to you what would happen if you suddenly stop doing the things you do? He may respond "Well, I don't know." Then you can point out something that he can immediately relate to: eating.

Tell him that you just decided that you don't understand the importance or the relevance of buying groceries.

Explain to him what life would be like in the household if you were lazy and didn't buy things to eat. Point out how there would be no junk food, no snacks, no dinner, no breakfast - nothing!

Then point out if everyone in the world was lazy nothing would get done. Point out how the garbage would pile up, or how there would not be any video games because everyone is too lazy to make them. Tell him there would not be any electricity or automobiles or anything else that we enjoy if everyone was lazy. Then ask if he now understands what you're trying to say? He is likely to concede he understands.

Reassure him that you love him and that you're not going to stop buying groceries. Then encourage him to see the value of being diligent and not being lazy.

No matter what characteristic your teenagers exhibit, always love, respect and care for them when you interact. Their memory of you as parents will hold that fact years into the future.

About the Author

Are you failing your teenagers? You are if you are not doing this one key thing. Among the "common problems" Lawrence T. Scott has reviewed, reaching our teenagers is among his favorites. Parenting teenagers is a real challenge in today's world and you must do everything you can to prepare them. Find out how you're probably failing your teenagers right now when you Visit =>

(C) Copyright - Lawrence T. Scott All Rights Reserved Worldwide

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS

The Parent's Toolkit - Rapport

There may be nothing more important in communication than rapport. This is especially true between parents and their adolescent children. Of course, rapport is important across the board, but adolescents are in particular need of adults and parents who can actually listen.

Listening is one of the key ingredients in building and maintaining rapport. It's not enough that a parent listens, however; the parent or adult must convey to the adolescent that they are being heard. This is accomplished through what is called "mirroring" and "paraphrasing." Simply stated, these two words mean the listener not only repeats what is heard but also in the tone that it was said while at the same time trying to convey the feelings expressed. For example, let's say a teenager says something like "you never listen to what I have to say, you don't care about me at all." A typical parental response might be "that's not true, I do care about you and I do listen to you." This is actually undermining the relationship by essentially telling the teenager they are lying. A much better response is "I hear you telling me that you think I never listen to you and that I don't care about you." The teenager will then respond by saying "ya, right" or they may adjust their statement. Either way, the parent has been supportive and has demonstrated they have heard what was said. Because the parent has only posed a statement, not a question or demand, there is actually no need for the teenager to respond; but, because of the ping-pong nature of communication, the teenager will respond.

Building rapport requires active listening; the listener needs to be sensitive to hearing words and phrases, tones and moods of the speaker which can then be repeated back to the speaker. This can be somewhat mechanical at first but with practice becomes flexible and fluid. It is an extremely effective method of communicating respect. It does not challenge the speaker, nor does it pose questions. It is merely a way of acknowledging what was said by the speaker. Yet, it paves the way for much more meaningful communication. Everyone wants to be heard. But few people know that they have been heard. By mirroring and paraphrasing, you let the speaker know you heard them.

Another example in the form of a transcript; the speaker is a teenager arguing with her mother about curfew

Teenager: I don't think I should have to be home by 11pm; why can't I come home at midnight?

Parent: I can hear that you are frustrated and that you want curfew to be midnight, not 11pm.

Teenager: right, so can I?

Parent: No, honey, not now; remember our agreement -- we said on your 16th birthday curfew will be midnight on weekends. You only have to wait another few months.

Teenager: That's so unfair! All my friends don't have to come home until midnight!"

Parent: I know you think it's unfair and I'm sorry you feel that way. You know, all your friends are already 16. That's why they have a later curfew.

Teenager: Can't we make an exception this one time?

Parent: I hear that you really want to stay out until midnight and that you'd like an exception this one time. But, that was not our agreement.

Teenager: I don't believe it! You just don't care about how I feel.

Parent: You think I don't care about how you feel

Teenager: you don't!

Parent: I don't

Teenager: No!

Parent: No, you really think I don't care about how you feel, right now. I hear you.

Teenager: Well, do you?

Parent: Care about how you feel? Of course I do

Teenager: Then why can't I stay out till midnight?

Parent: You think that if I care about how you feel, I will let you stay out till midnight?

Teenager: Ya

Parent: I care about how you feel, honey, and you can stay out till midnight on weekends when you turn 16 as we agreed.

Teenager: ohhhh, all......right.

When practicing mirroring and paraphrasing, parents needs to be patient and keep their cool. Adolescents can get emotional, illogical and irrational. But, they're teenagers, they have that prerogative. The parent is an adult and would, hopefully, act as one.

Ken Fields is a nationally certified, licensed mental health counselor. During the past 25 years, he has helped individuals, couples, families and groups address a variety of issues ranging from spiritual malaise to children with autism. He has been a crisis intervention counselor and an administrator at a human service agency. Currently, Mr. Fields provides communication coaching and online parent counseling at

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS

Homeschooling Lies Part 1 - Goodbye Supermom

There are many misconceptions about homeschooling, and parents who have taken on the task of teaching children at home are often confronted by people who have little knowledge on the subject and plenty of opinion. An educated debate on the pros and cons of homeschooling is all well and good and generally welcomed, but a lot of noisy criticism from people who know next to nothing and worse, have no desire to hear the truth, is frustrating. This makes it ever so important for moms and dads who homeschool to embrace their choice and stop believing the lies that are carelessly tossed around.

Staying home and teaching your children requires discipline and patience. This does not mean you will be the most disciplined, ever patient mother on the block. It means you need to work on these character traits the same every other mother. Parenting is a life long journey, one that challenges at every new stage. We are imperfect because we are parents.

3 Things to Let Go Of

A clean house
Having kids home all day means either cleaning all day or turning a blind eye to the sink full of dirty dishes. Dole out chores and make doing them a family requirement.
Perfect children

This won't happen even with the one on one attention and extra parenting they are receiving. They will be likeable with unique charm, but they will still argue, talk back, and complain. Expect better behaviour, teach it, live it and every day you will see more of it-with plenty of annoying and antagonistic antics mixed in.

Balanced Meal Times

Nutrition is good. Healthy meals are good. Making them every day and serving them on a set table as everyone gathers and shares their highs and lows also good. Expecting it to happen every day is a recipe for disappointment and burnout. Cherish the moments you gather as a family around the table understanding how precious that time is.

3 Things to Grab Hold Of

Laughter - Laugh at them, laugh at yourself, and laugh at all the things that come up throughout the day. Children have a unique sense of what is humorous, try to remember what it is like to be tickled so easily and join in the merriment. There are plenty of opportunities for laughter if you are willing to slow down and pay attention to all that is happening around you.

Simple pleasures - Snuggles on the couch in a stream of winter sunshine, quality conversation with your teenager, spontaneous dancing to an old song... there are so many moments to grasp hold of revel in. Take advantage of the extra pleasures being at home with your children affords you.

Milestones - Homeschooling is a gift of time, and intimacy. It is an up close and personal journey side by side with your children as they unlock the mysteries of the world and grow into adulthood. Mark the milestones as they come.

Say goodbye to any notion of being Supermom and enjoy the ups and downs, heartaches and headaches, joys and pleasures of homeschooling.

Karen Pasqualucci is a passionate (and opinionated) homeschooling mom! She has been homeschooling since 2001 and shares her discoveries and thoughts at her blog: where she would love to hear your questions, comments and feedback! Come on over and get the latest news on homeschooling! Come grab the first three chapters of her latest book - Secrets of Homeschool Success - for FREE!

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS

Helping Your Child to Finish Well

It's the beginning of June and only a few weeks until students will be facing a summer of leisure. For some, it will be the end of their formal academic life. Others will be preparing for exams and still others are at the beginning or middle of their rise in the system.

No matter what grade level they are at, the choices and behaviours of June will have consequences or rewards that can affect the rest of your child's life. The differences between passing and failing, average and excellence are not as large as people think.

As a parent, there are some things that you can help your child do so they end the school year well:

1. SLEEP - Tired minds and bodies under-perform. My dad used to say that an hour before midnight was worth two hours after midnight. Warmer weather should not be a reason to extend bed times when there are classes to attend in the morning. Many teenagers have difficulties getting up in the morning because they have spent long hours the night before on social media and internet sites. Help your child to wind down and get into bed at a reasonable hour and everyone will be a lot happier and more productive.

2. HEALTHY DIET - A good breakfast does not consist of Jalapeno chips and a Sprite. And skipping breakfast is never a good option. The brain is just like a gas tank. When there is good fuel, the body and the vehicle can function well. Very few children will refuse to eat healthy food that is prepared for them especially if it is shared with someone who they know cares about them.

3. POSITIVE ENVIRONMENT - Research has indicated that conflict is very detrimental for children. Yelling, arguing and friction in the family can be very negative and lead to depression in children. Silence with underlying tension can be just as bad. Children need peace and encouragement so that they can focus on the things that they need to do and be able to do them well.

4. ATTENDANCE - Much of the learning in schools is verbal. When a child is on time and pays attention during class, s/he can earn good marks. Absenteeism is a threat to success and children should therefore never miss school unless they are seriously ill.

5. KNOWING WHAT IS EXPECTED - The reason that children are in a school setting is so that they can learn things that they don't already know. If they don't understand directions, think a deadline is not important or believe that their performance doesn't matter, they will likely face disappointment and embarrassment when reality sets in. When children are ignorant about what needs to be done or confused you can contact the teacher or see if the needed information is on the school website.

6. STUDY - It only takes a few minutes to review a spelling list or memorize important dates in history. In fact, it is amazing how much a person can learn in only a few days. But year-end study is not about learning new material. It is just reinforcing the learning that has been going on all year. Even a few minutes of focussed study a day can increase a grade by several marks. If you, as a parent, do not feel that you are strong in a subject, find someone who can help your child. Perhaps you have a friend who excels in math, a sister who can review science notes or a grandma who would explain a health or social studies unit.

As a parent you are not completely responsible for the grades that your child earns but I'm sure that you would like your child to do well. Follow the tips in this article and I'm sure that you, your child and the school will be very pleased with the results!

And now I would like to invite you to claim your Free Instant Access to a complimentary list of 10 Steps to Making Your Life an Adventure when you visit

From Dr. Linda Hancock, Registered Psychologist and Registered Social Worker

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS

Things to Bring Your Ex-Boyfriend Back, Even If He Is Not Willing To Contact You

How will I be able to be with my ex-boyfriend again? This is a question, which most of the teenagers and young adults have in their mind. Even though, several "how to" techniques are being advised, many of them may be irrelevant. By the time, you employ these techniques; you would have lost him completely, to someone else. What happens with the majority of youngsters is that, they are emotionally instable, and are unable to tackle such an emotional dilemma. Apart from that, most of the tips and advises on this topic follow the rule of "no contact" with your ex- boyfriend. By doing so, girls with a broken heart are trying to patch up things, by giving time and space for their ex-boyfriends to get adjusted with the resultant modifications in life. However, sometimes, this results in disasters.

While ample time and space are being provided to him, it is not an assurance they will come back to you. Girls keep waiting; but the truth is, the no contact rule makes him start a new life, where you are not a part. On the contrary, if you are not willing to follow the "no contact" rule enforced upon you, this may create an irritability nature in him towards you. So, you are forced to being in no contact with him, until he is ready for it. The worst thing about this is the uncertainty in waiting for his decision for a patch up.

Below are some techniques that will of great help:-

Technique 1: Do not argue

Do listen to him carefully, when he speaks. Take care not to argue with him when he decides to stay away from you, as arguing may raise his temperament. Calm down! Think twice prior to taking the final step.

Technique 2: Follow his no contact rule

Perhaps, the reason why he got separated from you may be due to the closed-in feeling that he got in your relationship. So, grant him his freedom. Once he realizes that, he has committed a mistake, he will surely come back to you, as he may start missing you and your thoughts. Meanwhile, you are getting a chance to enjoy your life as well.

Technique 3: Try not to acknowledge him

Since, you are obeying his no contact rule, doesn't mean that you should avoid visiting places that he may consider visiting. You have freedom of choice. However, in case, you meet up with him at a common social function, try not to acknowledge him. Even though, it sounds harsh, this will make him realize that he should reconsider your relationship. In due course time, try reminding him of the things that he is missing by avoiding you. Once realized, you can be as natural as before.

Technique 4: Act casual and sensible

Once he realizes that you are not emotionally weak, and being separated from him doesn't make any difference to you, he will surely come back to you. When, such a moment arises, he will take initiative to talk to you; you should act casual and sensible. It's evident that you are dying to talk to him; but you should conceal it from him. Finally, you can allot him a chance to relive your lost relationship. Hence, the spark in the lost relationship strikes again.

These four techniques will assist you in getting constructive ideas on getting your ex-boyfriend back, rather than destructive ideas, which may permanently ruin your love life. It might happen that; in no time, the temporary no contact rule may become a permanent no contact rule.

Author is writing about Get Ex Boyfriend Back. For more information please visit their website:

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS

Is Sunday School Relevant For Children?

The way we gather and scatter as a Church (in North America, specifically), what we emphasize and what we lean into, is all changing. This isn't the first time; this isn't the last time, and I would argue that this process is normal and it is what we should expect to happen. People who gather and become a local church, bring history, biases, expectations, and uncertainties. People bring their gifts and their needs; they bring their strengths and weaknesses and all of this comes together to build a local church community. Communities can build a system of doing community after a while; it's not that this is always a negative thing, but it can be. Good things left on the counter too long become stale and unpalatable.

Human nature, being what it is, always seems to seek the comfortable leveling point; and that can level a church; it happens all the time. That's why "reformers" sound the call again and again: Church, discover again your Mission.

I am involved as a volunteer leader in working with children in a local church gathering; but I have my eye on what is going on in the larger picture of the Church these days and I am asking myself, what does this mean for children's programs? In the bigger picture of the Church we are re-evaluating all kinds of ideologies and methodologies, is Sunday School on a Sunday morning still relevant? What do I need to be thinking about?

Here are 5 observations about Sunday School in my own context:

1. Sunday School on a church campus is relevant because it still "works."

When it comes to reaching children who don't know Jesus, I think Sunday School on a Sunday morning still "works" because it is still known. Many adults are familiar with Sunday School because they have had some kind of contact with it in the past. As children, they may be been dropped off for a time by a parent; they may have gone once or twice with a friend; churches have always had programs for children and people in the community are usually aware that they do. When children begin to have questions about God, parents who feel these questions are important and don't object to a child learning about God, often turn to the outside source of a Sunday School to help them with answering questions that they might not be able to answer.

If this is true, then I need to keep waving the flag: this is important. The 40 or so Sundays (not counting summer) we have with an often-rotating group of children really matter. Their experience in a Sunday School setting may be their first impression and their last impression (for some time at least) of what Jesus "looks like."


Are we counting on people finding us or are we as individuals a light in our community, such that people are curious about who and what is relevant to us? Sunday School may be held in a location, but we should not be held to a location. It isn't all about setting a table and hoping children will come. It's about knowing first and inviting them to be a part of something bigger.

2. Sunday School is still relevant because it helps parents.

I don't mean that Sunday School helps parents because they can drop their kids off and get a break from parenting; that is exactly opposite to what I mean. Sunday School partners with parents in translating the truths of the Bible for their children. We don't live in a time when we can assume people know quite a bit about Jesus. We live in a time when people hardly know anything about Jesus. Putting our arms around families and helping them figure out what faith means and what it looks like to walk "the narrow road" is part of the vital mission of Sunday School.

There are other ways to do this through cross-generational ministries, but in the end, quite a bit of it ends up looking a lot like Sunday School.


Are we actually helping parents? We can if we make that a priority. Sunday School can't just be about feeding kids and sending them home; it has to be, somewhere in there, about helping one another, help one another. Instead of teaching children how to read their Bibles and reflect on it personally, for example, why not have parents join you and learn it all together?

3. Sunday School on a church campus is more relevant than ever because it may feel more like home to children than home.

When are you at home these days? I think there is something in all of us that longs for the ideal of "home" but this ideal is quickly becoming, or maybe it is already, an illusion. I am not sure who is walking through your Sunday School doors, but I am quite certain there are some little broken hearts already.

This struck me quite profoundly one day when a little girl, began to be a part of our Sunday School community. She is 6 and she has never known "home." She has been shifted from one environment to another. She loves coming on Sunday; you would never know she had a care in the world with the smile that is a fixture on her face all morning. She is the first one to come, and the last to leave. Something just whispered to me one day that it's because this feels like home to her.

As representatives of Christ in our neighborhoods, we already need to be an open door for children to see Jesus in action. Sunday School gives children a sense of a wider community of like-minded individuals; an extended family.

Sunday School can't fix everything that is going wrong in a child's world, but we can be something wholesome, loving, consistent, accepting...well, we can be Jesus to a group of kids, once a week.


Are we thinking enough about the children who walk through our doors, or is it a sea of faces? The child who is continually disruptive; are we wondering what is going on in his head and heart? A home is a place where individuals matter. When one is hurting or wayward, the rest of the family gathers around to help that little lost or hurting one. Are we thinking enough about making children feel at "home"?

4. Sunday School is very relevant today because it is a place where we get to talk about what's important.

Parents and friends who bring children to Sunday School, and the children who come, all know why they are there. We need no disclaimers; we are there to talk about the most important thing we ever can: the redeeming Grace Gift of Jesus Christ; the unquenchable love of our God; the value He has placed on every head and the purpose He has for every life.

Setting aside a time for "Sunday School," resourcing it, supporting it is absolutely still important because it is a support platform for conversations that are already happening during the week. If a child has permission to come, we have permission to teach what is pure, right, lovely, truthful, and noble.


Time is of the essence! What are we teaching the children we have for one hour? Not everything needs to be taught; think about it. If you have 40 Sundays (that's not counting the summer), how many times will that child actually be at Sunday School? Of those times, what does he/she absolutely need to know? I know there is a whole Bible, but we can't possibly teach everything in it with 40 hours (in an ideal world) a year. So what is it? What do they need to carry with them into the next phase of their life?

Also, while pouring all our best ideas into our lessons, employing all sorts of great creativity, are we losing the actual lesson? Some curriculum being offered is confusing to me. Why are we reading that verse? What does that activity have to do with this? As adults, we may think thematically, but kids aren't always great with symbols. They need to be told and told again, clearly, memorably, the "thing" we believe they need to know.

5. Sunday school is relevant because it is an opportunity to shape the Church to come.

If we can help children understand that they are not takers but givers in God's plan; if we can plant seeds that they all have gifts that are meant to be used for a greater purpose; if we can show them that "yes, people will disappoint you sometimes, because we all sin. So be a forgiver, and keep your eyes on Jesus," then maybe they will grow into teens and adults who will be less about consuming and more about finding what they were meant to do on this planet, and doing it.


For children, learning to serve at an early age sets them up for a healthier mindset in the days to come. Children who think it is perfectly normal to give of their "time, treasure, and talents" grow up to be generous teenagers and more generous adults. Why aren't we placing more emphasis on this. When we have self-serving adults in our church, haven't we created them by putting a spoon to their mouth all along? Children have gifts also; are we tapping into those gifts or do children think they need to wait in order to use them?

I don't think enough attention has been given to this fifth point. Even in our leadership structures, we create schedules for volunteers to plug into and once those are full, it's a free ride for everyone else. The picture we paint is, "It has all been taken care of." We don't work hard enough to foster an environment of participation and responsibility. We quickly fill in holes when there are some, rather than letting the need become an opportunity.

There is a place for hiring staff to help equip volunteer leaders and cover areas that a volunteer, with limited hours to give, can cover. But when it appears that everything is just running smoothly, we again become a service package for people to purchase.

I believe Jesus calls us as adults to clear the way for children to have unhindered access to Him. I believe Sunday Schools still play an important role in this; but we, like the rest of the Church, must ask ourselves if we are actually on Mission, or not. We must make the effort to work "in team" and ask each other good questions about what we are doing week to week.

There may be things we need to stop doing. There may be things we need to start doing. We may be afraid of change; we may think we don't have the people to bring change; we may wonder if we have the gifts and the ability to do a good job of a good Sunday School program; and, given our budget, we may wonder what we can even pull off. If these are the things running through our minds, we are probably on the right track, because in the middle of those questions, that is where God seems to do His best work.

-- Teresa Klassen.

Teresa Klassen is a volunteer children's ministry leader working with a volunteer team in Kelowna, British Columbia. If you are looking for free Sunday school lessons and ideas free Sunday school lessons and ideas, please visit

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS

Problems of alcoholism among adolescents - when a Centre of alcoholism can help

Dependence and alcohol abuse is only a problem for adults. In today's society, the age at which children begin to experiment with alcohol is much lower when our parents grew up.

Adolescents from the age of 12 and sometimes more young are to be drunk regularly. He need only look at nightclubs around your town to see the teenagers regularly drinking large quantities of alcohol and spend their time while intoxicated.

Adolescents, teens and young adults may be admitted to alcoholism centres and clinics for the treatment of alcoholism, if their alcohol problem is severe enough.

It is generally estimated alcohol is a disease. It is a disease that is incurable, progressive and fatal if not arrested. The development of alcoholism is heavily discussed: some believe that alcoholics are born with the disease and this external influence is not relevant in the progression of the disease.

Others believe that alcoholics are the result of a traumatic childhood, while others believe that the disease is caused by a combination of the two. However, it is difficult to argue that case is correct, the disease is progressive. It is rare that one tries to drink alcohol for the first time and immediately becomes a full blown alcoholic. The progression of the disease takes time.

However, the diagnosis of a young person as an alcoholic can be difficult. Teenagers usually undergo hormone changes and physical, as well as development and psychological development in place of their identities and their belief systems.

This means that during adolescence, a teenager is under significant stress, and it may be normal for them to test the limits and try out different behaviour, language and dress codes to try to find what works for them.

The difficulty is to diagnose healthy experimentation and what is addictive behaviors. Any alcohol in adolescence is considered abuse, as it is illegal for adolescents to be drunk.

Most teenagers feel a need for acceptance of their peers, but they begin to develop a sense of identity, so they start to "follow the herd" in terms of behaviour and opinion.

This means that young people can engage in addictive behaviors such as excessive alcohol intake, but may not necessarily be the alcoholics. Problem behaviours can be due to impulsivity, the search for thrills and defiance.

However, it is likely that if a young person is engaging drinking at inappropriate times and frequently, there is a serious problem, especially if the young person starts drinking at a very young age.

What are the teenage drinking effects on adolescents?

It seems that the main dangers of alcohol among adolescents are accidents. In the United States, almost 2000 minors (under 21) die each year in car crashes involving alcohol. He is also a factor of nearly half of all teens who die in violent circumstances. Alcohol regularly led to suicide attempts, unprotected sex and promiscuity and experimentation with drugs.

Teenage drinking may also go hand in hand with the other dependencies such as eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia and self mutilation (cut).

I you look at...

Many parents keep alert to any sign of problems with their teenagers, but when symptoms appear, they insist that their child is admitted to a centre of alcoholism. Sending of a young person who has drunk a few times in a centre of alcohol for treatment may do more harm than good.

Our society is one that is very tolerant of alcohol, and it is likely that an adolescent tried an alcoholic beverage or has friends who have. This is what only in severe cases of adolescent alcohol use should be considered potentially curable in rehabilitation of alcohol.

It is always advisable to contact a professional therapist, addictions Counsellor or psychiatrist for their opinion, and if they believe that the matter might merit treatment in a centre of alcoholism, then an evaluation with the adolescent therapy session can be organised.

A professional will be able to establish whether there is a dependence that is sufficiently serious for the rehabilitation of alcohol. Rehabilitation in a centre of alcoholism can be excellent help for alcoholics among teenagers who truly have the compulsion to drink excessively on a regular basis.

Do us recover provide expert and independent treatment advice to people struggling with alcoholism, including adolescents and their families. WeDoRecover sees alcoholism as a treatable disease, not a defect of character, working with the best practitioners of the alcohol in the United Kingdom, South Africa and Thailand to support customers in the achievement of the happy sobriety, satisfied and live a normal life again.

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS

Parents and adolescents - recover confidence and repair damaged relations

Your troubled teen is running with the wrong crowd and became alarming provocative and rebellious... once again. Messy hair, the dismal clothing and body piercings continue to be the standard. Given that your teen has "experienced" drugs and alcohol in the past, you are sure that he or she is to the same old tricks, even if he or she swear now things are different.

Some parents assume that their children continue to abuse of drugs or alcohol and finished to treat them as if they did something wrong then these assumptions could not be further from the truth. These erroneous assumptions eventually Stoke resentments instead of giving children the means to prove their reliability.

Your teen wants your trust and you want to give. Unfortunately, none of you knows how to do what the other wants.

When it comes to substance abuse, there is a relatively new way to separate the facts from fiction, and it becomes more and more popular that most people think. One of the reasons why you have perhaps heard it is because of its private and confidential. It provides the Foundation to restore confidence based on the truth. If a child wants to prove that he or she is free of drugs and relative need for the rather strong evidence that verbal assurances, a home drug testing program can be the answer.

Critics of this new tendency of screening drug House argue that the Act of testing teens for drugs is an irresponsible abuse of confidence and drives only a wedge between parents and their young children, who already have a tense relationship. However, who can argue against the relations based on facts from fiction, especially when the relationship of trust has already been destroyed?

Mason Duchatschek interviewed thousands of parents, adolescents, members of the School Council, Councillors, principals and directors. He is the President of the ( based in Fenton, Missouri.

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS

Parents wild teens - a difficult and stressful experience

When you are a parent of a wild teenager, it can be a challenge very and stressful experience, you will have to face, but many parents have to face. Wild teens are very independent and think that they will always be correct. They are specific risk takers and not realize what will be the consequences of doing something wrong. Now, why teens are wild is the peer pressure. It is in this world and do not stop. Each young person wants to fit in with the crowd of these days and be with the popular group. They want to be seen and known. Thus, generally if they follow the bad crowd they will still do everything just to fit and cool look. Some signs you may face when your teenager could turn wild:

-A celebration
-Argue with family members

Depression can be a major fall in the wild young person may feel. Depression in adolescents is very common and parents can't see. Type of treatment or counseling is a certain for this type of situation. Suffice it to say the symptoms when they appear. Lack of confidence can really cause a young person. If they think they are not pretty enough or they are weight or simply step intelligent enough to be really are in a bad way. They will also be lots of crying and stress. They must let their emotions some how. And the most frightening, it is suicide. It is very common in wild suicide adolescents. Therefore, when your teen starts you need to discover why as soon as you can. Often, the wild teenagers will end pregnant or with some type of STD. It is a world very afraid there and all do you, is that your teenager happy and safe.

When the adolescents to express they could show signs of sexual behaviour. For example, wearing very short shorts, or shirts show too, wear too much make-up, boys autour when parents are not home, etc.

Now, if you have tried all the advice you think that you can do, the other option that some parents take is boot camp. In boot camp, they learn about authority, discipline and exercises military and many physical training. This would certainly be a life for them change event and later on the road could you thank for it. There are different types of training camps, it is all for what you think would be best for your teen.

This is a situation very fear to face and you need to be bold and standing as a parent and what you need to do to your teen get back on track. It can be done. Are too many people and they make errors such as the rest of us and they also need second chance and and love.

Wendy Pan is an accomplished niche Web site developer and author. To learn more about wild teens [], please visit Teen Girls health [] for discussions and current articles.

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS

Why the family reunion

Do you want to see the best behavior in your children?

You want to understand more clearly?

You want everyone to "get all along.

Try the family reunion!

When the use of this valuable tool to strengthen family relationships, it is important to establish a clear vision of what you want to enjoy your meetings of families. Meetings are the structure, but not be so rigid that enjoyment is impossible. Family meetings can become chaotic, so be prepared for some rough debut. However, with perseverance, you will soon be on a course of great discovery.

As a foster parent, we had lots of fun with the meetings of families. We also had some blow ups, as children to fight and disagree, and we have all lost our patience sometimes. Remember, the meetings are a place of learning. The family meeting is a step, full of entertainment, emotions and debate. Hidden talents and sometimes negative personal issues may surface as children learn to listen, to communicate, to organize and to carry out. This tool to give a chance to work. As you all see grow and mature, you will enjoy meetings and might even ask how you never existed without them.

The measure of success

Success is measured in inches. First, expect a few sighs and moans, making it still plu fun to hear your children say things like "I am bringing up this family meeting.". or "can we talk about this at the next meeting" "." Can I be the "facilitator"? and even "may my friend Susie (Bill, Bob, Debra...)". Come to our family reunion? "Although this issue shows much interest your child in the process of... most often said" no! " "to the company. Family meetings are watered down when you have frequently invited. Keep the staff, private, special and mysterious meetings outside the family.

How to start the family reunion

Here are some basic principles of thinking that you develop your own style of family reunion:

Hold short meetings.

Have an agenda. Let children contribute to the items on the agenda of the day during the week prior to the date of the meeting.

Develop rules to place the issues of the day.

Too personal topics (rule of parents on this subject) are kept for private conversations.

Have a procedure of departure and end. Example: Start with a family singing, reciting a prayer, reciting the pledge, etc.. End with a similar approach and perhaps a brief summary and an overview of the next meeting.

Begin by activity type positive round-robin where everyone says something positive about the person on their left (for example) - keep one or two sentences. This can be an activity carried out in a variety of ways, be creative! The purpose is just to begin on a positive note. In addition, it is difficult to criticise someone when you said just something positive in their regard.

A fun interactive game in the meeting.

Let the children announcing them, narration, and as much of the direction of the meeting as possible. Let the little Joey 10 age say something like: "I will turn the time dad and MOM will speak Saturday picnic". The person ordering the meeting should have an overview to go in before the start of the meeting. Keep the flexible structure, but present.

Serve light refreshments.


Meeting of family "no".

NO SUITOR. Table of this subject, talking to individuals, then did you the situation when calm prevails.

No interrupting other comments. Wait your turn.

No appeal of telephone, or answering the door. Respect the meeting by putting the "world" waiting for an hour.

No extension on the meetings Beaver unless that everyone is in agreement.

Expect these life lessons:

Filing of certain issues teaches patience and that everything can be resolved in 30 minutes.

Respect for differences of opinion.

The search for positive results.

Resolution of problems.

Power of Persuasion.

Learning to say "no" to interruptions.

Establishment of priorities.


To communicate.

To listen.

Participation in a group.


Compliance, compliance, compliance.



Be creative, coherent and positive. Seek information on the meetings of family and always be ready to change and improve. On the reverse, follow the routine of things that gives a sense of security and predictability for the others. To help with the differences in attention span, families can find useful to have 2 separate meetings – starting together, separate to the benefits of the age and the stage and consolidation and then at the end. Enjoy.

Note author: family gatherings can be particularly useful for adolescents. Even if initially, they may respond with the opposition, meetings of appeal to their desire to self-management and control. Read my other posts about the meeting of family and other parental situations

Marisue Alsobrook is a veteran of Foster parent and Adoption more of 17 years. As a trainer in the field of foster care and adoption, its staff of more than 250 children experience and adopt two, gave its workshops special insight that she has trained parents and social workers. Now retired from foster parents, she enjoys spending time with her husband of 30 years and 3 grown sons. It lies in the southwest of Florida and is currently working on a book called "Hearts in part" for more information, go to

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS

If you have teenagers, try to find a work at home job

Many parents, when their children are young, found a job to work at home. But as soon as children are all at school or old enough to fend for themselves, try to find work outside the home.

This may be an error. Family many experts believe parents must be home even more when the children are older, simply because they can get difficult. Sixteen years is much too old for child care and no doubt rechigneront to have something that resembles a baby sitter. But a year sixteen old can also do things when they are on their own that they would never consider if a parent at home.

Of course, you have rules. Is not friends at home after school. No friends or friends or drink or drugs or cruise of the things on the Internet made you rather not see. You may think you have the best kid on the block and never go against the rules. Think again. If the monitoring of each child made the parents of each rule, no there is no unwanted pregnancy or drug experimentation. Leaving only your home in adolescence, it is a huge concern for working parents. This is why working from home over the years can be the best thing you can do for your family. While the home and dads often consider the early years as the most important to be at home, more vehement will argue that it's really the home years young when parents should try to be. Because of the Internet, parents have more options then ever if they do not want to work from home. Many jobs will allow the parents of part-time telework, other jobs, allow parents to work from home full time. Lsie consulting, or starting a business at home is all options, parents may use when they want to be home when their children are.

Studies have shown that adolescents engage in behavior more risky between the hours of 3 and 6 h feel? Which is when teenagers are home alone, unattended and free to do some really bad choices. Non-supervised teenagers are almost three times more likely to skip classes, use of drugs and alcohol, smoke and engage in sexual activity. As parents more acknowledging the consequences to the House of youth, more are choosing to work from home at least part of the time. Small will be safe in the care of day or with the rulers. But adolescents are safer when Mommy or Daddy is home.

Theresa Wilkins is a specialist of the House. She is also an author who contributed to [] and []

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS

Teen issues - peer pressure and sex

"All the world he" seems to be the popular excuse among teenagers since the night of times. Parents argue often counter with something like "if everyone did this dangerous act, do you want to?" Unfortunately, this is a losing battle in advance. Teens are commonly of peer pressure when the parents are not around. It is one of the reasons why many adolescents are engaging in sexual activity. They believe that it is necessary to follow the crowd to adapt or be accepted.

Everyone the fact is a myth

Fewer than half of teenagers are having sex. Those who are, everyone knows that they are and others say that they are in. The truth is that teachers and parents speak and many adolescents are listening. Adolescents are against the stereotype that they are irresponsible and reckless and choosing to wait and build a relationship with someone while establishing respect for themselves and for others. Regardless of whether each person you meet is that of sex, a young person, it is your job to decide if you are ready to accept the consequences that having sex can cause. An individual is preferable from the crowd.

Standing for what you believe

One of the blessings of living in a free country is that you have the right to think and believe as you want. When everyone tells you that you must do something, don't forget that you actually have the right to say no choice to go against the tide is one of the things that made many famous musicians, actresses and multi-milliardaires succeeded in their lives. If you have religious belief against sex or simply the impression that you are not ready, stand up for believe you in and set the example to other people.

Dealing with peer pressure

There are two solutions base to deal with peer pressure. The first is to build a hard skin and be known as the boy or the girl who does not follow the crowd. Maybe you will be called names and maybe people will be offensive because you choose to make better decisions. The good news is the middle school and high school is not forever and the real world will provide much bigger fish to fry. The second option is of course to find new friends. A real friend would not harass or try your do not yield to peer pressure. While sex is a big problem for them, there not to be for you. If you give a temptation because of the peer pressure it only a matter of time before you give to others.

Robert Mccormack has written articles online for nearly 2 years now. Not only this author specialize in Teen issues: peer pressure and sex, you can also check the latest website on: search for Duns number - used snow plows

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS

Is Discipline a word ugly when it comes to teenagers?

Making Teen Discipline Work For You

Many of us may find ourselves triggered into old patterns of arguing and conflict when faced with a teen who is in full flight of giving you the cold shoulder or what I call ' chucking has 'wobbly'. We may even find ourselves saying things to them that our parents said and which we hated hearing when we were teens.

Disciplining teens - sounds like a potential battle of control of wills and at times a yell fest. If you are feeling exhausted by the constant push you feel in your relationship with your daughter - consider focusing on the following in order to turn things around: a) building an environment of respect, b) negotiation around reasonable behaviour and, c) praise when good behaviour is demonstrated in your daughter's journey into adulthood.

Research has found that there are 4 types of parenting using dimensions of affection and control (or love and authority) which produce different outcomes for teenagers. What has been most productive have been parents who have consistently stood strongly in their love as well as in their authority. This can be a fine balance and can challenge our ability to find the right degrees of each and at the appropriate times. How to have the fierceness of a lioness, the cool detachment of a yogi and the humour of Bob Hope. It's not going to be one thing but choosing different ways of being at different times in order to keep an engaged relationship and keep your cool.

The two fundamental principles in teen discipline:

1 Being are - this is a principle that is true right through out child rearing and is particularly true with teens who will be testing the boundaries every inch of the way. They get frustrated when a behaviour is acceptable one day and not acceptable the next.
o Are you clear in yourself around the boundaries in your home?
o Have you made these transparent with your daughter? Is she aware of what would happen if a boundary was crossed?
o Do they need updating? Rules and boundaries will need to change as your daughter gets older.
It is a good idea to involve her in the rules and ask her to consider consequences if they're broken. She will feel heard by you and it gets away from a 'lecturing' style of parenting.
o Realistic and consistent consequences are part of her school and community
o Creating rules and boundaries at home with consequences, then responding appropriately in a consistent way creates an environment of security and management for your teen girl.

2 Listening - the prefrontal cortex at the front of the brain is about compassion, reasoning and empathy. It is still developing in teens and develops through experience. Through learnt behaviour from modelling and role models. Stand for being listened to and model respect through listening to your teen. Even when disagreeing, it is important to allow your daughter time to express her feelings and thoughts. Modelling 'clean arguing' and developing guidelines around appropriate behaviours around conflict is important for her in all her relationships. Again consistency is important here and you leading by example.

What To Look Out For When Setting A Punishment.

3 Pick up and respond to inappropriate behaviour early. Try not punish in anger - when we punish in anger or frustration it's probably a sign that we may have worn out our patience or have let things go on for far too long. A burst of sudden anger can have a dramatic effect but will ultimately create blocks in communication. Teens will often shut down around parents revert to who always getting angry and yelling. You can lose respect and may simply create a teen that mimics your behaviour to siblings or back at you. Consistency is important here so that your teen ideally starts to manage and monitor her own behaviour. If you feel your heat rising try stepping away from the situation to cool down and recover emotionally.

4 Make your punishment under - It should be reflective of the wrongdoing. For example, if your daughter arrived late from an agreed time limiting her night's out temporarily would be appropriate. A social event may be missed if school work hasn can't been completed in order to complete the work. Most teens respond to punishments that are covered as fair.

5 Hold an expectation for good behaviour - Whilst you are trying to understand that your teen daughter may be on a hormonal roller coaster with major emotional and psychological changes it doesn't mean she can behave in a mean or nasty way. Include behavioural expectations need be related to what is right and a foundation created around shared values.

6 Reasoning is a powerful tool with your daughter given that there is a very big part of her that wants to be taken seriously, valued and heard. Reasoning may not always seem to sink in immediately or have an immediate visible effect but the long-term effects will be more evident and positive.

7. Try and remember that you are the parent, yes, a loving parent. But NOT a friend (of course, a friendly parent), but, not her friend. Your daughter will usually have plenty of her own friends. She will need the safety and security of boundaries and guidance you offer her as a parent. This may include at times supporting her around saying 'no' to her friends and at times being the 'bad guy' simply because at times the answer will be 'no.' This is important as it's modeling how to say 'no' when she will inevitably have to be in that position herself. Teens who view their parents as authority figures and providers are more likely to be close to them in adulthood. We know you were once a teen and relating some of your experiences can be a really valuable way of working through some challenges. Standing in your authority creates a safe container for her to occasionally push against, feel her own boundaries and grow in.

8 Address the behaviour not the girl - You might be feeling like your teen is testing your boundaries all the time. It's really important to have the capacity to hang in there, be the bigger person (the adult), put aside your hurt and frustration at times and make sure she knows you love her despite what she does. Importantly, that you love her enough not to let her develop behaviours that may be harmful to herself or anyone else. Direct your complaints and comments at the behaviour, not the girl. Try to keep your complaints short and to the point, it will ensure you have an engaged teen. (this tip applies to spouses and family and friends in general)

With problematic behaviour try and avoid name calling, and put downy language like: "you're lazy" or "that was stupid." Focus on the behaviour that created the problem such as not studying or not asking for needed help. Make sure she gets some positive strokes. E.g. let her know that you're confident she can change things around and are going to work with her to make sure the behaviour improves.

11 Give your daughter space to fail or mess up. This is part of her psychological growth and development in real life skills for the future. Often failures are wonderful opportunities for learning and deepening strength of character. Again, avoid the lecturing purpose help her reflect on what she might do differently.

Please do write to me if you have any questions about this.
and good luck
May the force be with you

Shushann Movsessian MAppSc.(Soc Ecol), Dip.Teach, clinical member CAPA
Counsellor, Coach, Trainer
P.O. Box 83 Waverley NSW 2024
Mobile: 0410 324 134

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS

Should Teens Carry Phones To School?

If you're like me, you put off getting your child a cell phone for as long as you could. Especially if you have teenage daughters and know how much time they spend on the phone. You can see yourself taking out a second mortgage just to pay the cell phone bill.

Of course, when they start going out and hanging out with friends, not to mention dating, there arise numerous scenarios wherein a cell phone might come in very handy. Thinking back to my own younger days and some of the situations I found myself in, having instant access to my parents would have been a very good thing.

One of the more recent debates concerning cell phone usage is whether or not teens should be allowed to carry their phones or iPads or whatever the latest incarnation is to school with them. There are certainly pros and cons to the subject.

Obviously the most beneficial use of a cell phone is for instant access to a parent in the event of an emergency. If a child becomes sick or needs to leave school for some other reason, it eliminates several steps that were previously needed to get in touch with the responsible parties.

Likewise if a child misses their bus home or if they become stranded somewhere. Some newer phones come equipped with GPS devices making it easy for parents to locate their children at any time.

In more extreme cases, such as recent events involving school shootings and other violence, cell phones were instrumental in helping police and other rescuers locate students hiding out in classrooms and closets.

Of course any technology can be used for nefarious purposes. Students have been known to take advantage of cell phone internet access to find test answers and use texting to communicate those answers to their friends. Such devices can also be used to facilitate the newer problem known as cyber bullying, where hurtful and offensive comments are sent to or posted about certain students. There have been documented cases of students committing suicide or other drastic acts based on problems with messages or texts sent through cell phone usage.

In addition, texting or net surfing can become a distraction from what is being done in class.

The newest and more disturbing trend in texting is known as sexting, where students send suggestive or even sexually explicit pictures of themselves to boyfriends or girlfriends. The problem is obvious enough, but amplified to the extreme once these pictures get out and are distributed (which they always inevitably will be). Teens need to be told several times over, that they should not put anything online that they are not prepared for the entire world to see. Once it is online, consider it gone. You will never get it back and it will always be on somebody's hard drive somewhere.

Cell phones may also inadvertently make children the targets of violent attacks, especially if their phone is one of the more expensive models. Being assaulted and robbed of such items is nothing new, and parents should think twice about sending their kids to school with the Cadillac phone when the Chevy version might be a better choice.

Of course some schools and states take the decision out of the parents' hands by banning cell phones altogether. This may seem like an extreme reaction to many, but this author would argue that previous generations grew up just fine without the benefit of cell phones in the classroom. In fact, it could be argued that as a result we had a healthier level of social interaction as a result of not being tied to Facebook and actually having to converse face to face.

On the other hand, as a parent with a child who has suffered from serious medical issues, I can also see the added benefit of the child having the ability to instantly communicate, especially at times where going through school channels to get access to a phone would prove problematic.

So which point of view is the right one? That is up to you to decide, based on your knowledge of your child, their behavior, and their level of responsibility. Handled the right way, technology is our friend. Handled the wrong way, it can become a serious problem. Make the determination that is right for you and your family.

For more on the subject, check out the following online debate.

Billy D. Ritchie
Director Of Content
Leadsbyfone, LLC
Billy is a freelance writer and Director of Content for Leadsbyfone LLC. Visit him online at his blog.

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS

Motivating the unmotivated child

Getting into the back-to-school routine can be hard for everyone in the house. In the morning, parents are faced with groggy kids who won't get out of bed and get ready for school no matter how much you nag, bribe and scold. Homework time can be even worse, with nightly fights and accusations echoing off the walls of your home. So how can you get your child to be more motivated? The important thing to remember is this: your child is motivated-they're just motivated to resist you. Keep reading to find out how you can turn this negative motivation into a positive one.

Q: When a child becomes unmotivated and won't get out of bed, do homework or participate in activities, what is he trying to tell the parent through this behavior?

When we're talking about kids not getting out of bed, not doing their homework or school assignments or not wanting to get involved in family activities, it's important for parents to realize that there is motivation in the child. But the motivation is to resist. The motivation is to do things their way, not yours, and to retain power.

When people feel powerless, they try to feel powerful by withholding. A child or teenager who feels very powerless will stay in bed, not go to school, avoid homework, sit on the couch and withhold overall involvement because it gives them a sense of being in control. To the parent, the behavior looks completely out of control. But the child sees it as the only way to have power over what's going on around him.

The child who uses resistance to control lacks both social skills and problem solving skills. It's important to define the difference between the two. Social skills are how to talk to other people, how to be friendly, how to feel comfortable inside your own skin and how to deal with people's kindness. Problem solving skills are the skills that help kids figure out what people want from them, how to give it, how to deal with other people's behavior, expectations and demands. Problem solving skills are needed to help a child handle being criticized in class. Many times the real reason kids don't want to do their homework is because they're simply lazy about the work or they don't want to be criticized in class and held accountable for their work.

I want to be clear about this point: everyone is motivated. The question is, motivated to do what? If a child looks like he's not motivated, you have to look at what he's accomplishing and assume that this is what he's motivated to do. So part of the solution is getting him to be motivated to do something else. To assume that the child is unmotivated is an ineffective way of looking at it. He is motivated. He's simply motivated to do nothing. In this case, doing nothing means resisting and holding back to exercise control over you.

You'll see it when you ask your child a question and he doesn't answer, but you know he heard you. What's that all about? That's a child withholding an answer to feel powerful. When he says, "I don't have to answer you if I don't want to," you see it as a lack of motivation. He sees it as a way to win control over you.

Q: As parents, we tend to respond to this unmotivated behavior by coaxing, arguing and screaming at the child. Or you just give up and do the child's tasks for him because you don't see another way. It doesn't work, but it's all you can do, it seems.

Very often these kids are motivated by a power struggle. They find different ways to have that struggle with their parents. The job of the parents in this case is to find other ways for the child to solve the problem that's inherent in the power struggle. But if parents don't have those other ways, then they just get locked into the power struggle.

If you're fighting day after day with a kid who won't get out of bed, you're never going to solve that problem. Because even if he gets out of bed, then he won't brush his teeth. And even if he brushes his teeth he won't comb his hair. Or he won't wear clean clothes or he won't do his homework. If continually resisting is how a child tries to solve the problem of authority, then parents will have a hard time until they teach the child how to solve that problem appropriately.

The first step in teaching kids the problem solving skills they need is to understand how they think and realize that these kids are not helpless victims. They're simply trying to solve problems, but the way they're solving them is ineffective, inefficient and distorted. You have to deal with this distorted attempt for control in a systemic way. To give a simplistic solution like taking away his phone or taking away his TV does not deal with the problem. It won't work. You have to look at the whole comprehensive picture.

Q: So how can parents deal with this behavior more effectively, without screaming, arguing or "overdoing" for the child?

I think parents should avoid giving the behavior power. When you yell at your child for lack of motivation, you're giving the resisting behavior power. I understand that parents get frustrated and yell. The point I want to make here is that it won't solve the problem. If you're yelling or arguing with this child over these issues, you're giving him more power in the struggle, and you don't want to do that. Leave the choices really clear for the child. Use "I" words. "I want you to get up out of bed and get ready for school." "I want you to do your homework now." Then leave the bedroom. If the kid doesn't do it, then there should be consequences. There should be accountability. If the kid says, "I don't care about the consequences," ignore it. Telling you he doesn't care gives him a sense of being in control and a sense of power.

I would give consequences, and I don't care if the kid doesn't like it. If you don't get out of bed, you shouldn't be doing anything else. You shouldn't get to play video games. You shouldn't spend four hours in front of the TV. If you're too sick to go to school, you shouldn't be going out of the house. Those limits should be set and followed through.

I would always tell parents in my office that you have to have the courage to let him experience the natural consequences of his behavior. It takes a lot of courage to step back and say, "Okay, you're not going to do your homework, and you're going to get the grades that reflect that." But in these cases, it can help to let the child experience the natural consequences of resistance. You don't let the kid watch TV. You say, "Homework time is from six to eight. And if you don't want do your homework in that time, that's fine. But you can't go on the computer, you can't play games and you can't watch TV. If you choose in that time period not to do your homework, that'll be your choice. And if you fail, that'll be your choice."

Along with the plan to let him experience the natural consequences of his decision, build in rewards for success, if he does make the right decision. If my son failed a test, there was no punishment. But if he passed, there was a reward. It was very simple. We rewarded A's and B's. We didn't take anything away for C; we just didn't reward it. So my son strived to have A's all the time. So with kids who resist, it's important to have a rewards system as well as a consequence system.

Remember, natural consequences are an important part of life. That's why we have speeding tickets. A speeding ticket is a natural consequence. If you go too fast, the policeman stops you and gives you a ticket. He doesn't follow you home to make sure you don't speed anymore. He lets you go. It's your job to stop and take responsibility. If you don't, you're going to get another ticket fifteen minutes later. Natural consequences help people take responsibility, and they can be used to help kids take responsibility for things like going to school, participating in class and doing homework.

So when you're interacting with a kid who appears unmotivated, remember that screaming, bargaining and doing things for him will not work. When you're looking at this child, you have to remember, he is motivated. He's just motivated to do something different than what you want him to do. He's motivated to resist you. So the more power you put into it, the stronger his resistance gets. We don't argue with kids because when we argue with them, we give them power. Focus on making that behavior powerless and give the consequences that you can give so that there's accountability.

For three decades, behavioral therapist James Lehman, MSW, has worked with troubled teens and children with behavior problems. He has developed a practical, real-life approach to managing children and adolescents that teaches them how to solve social problems without hiding behind a facade of defiant, disrespectful, or obnoxious behavior. He has taught his approach to parents, teachers, state agencies and treatment centers in private practice and now through The Total Transformation® Program.

The Total Transformation Program® is a comprehensive step-by-step, multi-media, child behavior modification program for child behavior problems like oppositional defiant disorder and children anger issues.

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS