Argue With Your Teenager

Kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder are "unconventional," and they need "unconventional" parenting strategies.

How do I know whether or not I have an "unconventional" child who will need to be parented using "unconventional" parenting strategies?

Please review the following statements. Are they true for you rarely, sometimes or frequently?

1. I have a hard time saying "no" to my child.

2. When I say "no' to my child, "no" eventually becomes a "maybe" which eventually becomes a "yes".

3. I have blamed myself for my child's misbehavior.

4. I sometimes feel guilty about my parenting (e.g., "I haven't done enough" or "I haven't done a very good job").

5. I often feel distant from my child.

6. I feel that my child has no appreciation for all I've done for him/her.

7. I try to be my kid's "friend."

8. I sometimes feel sorry for my child.

9. I have 'gone off' on my kid ...then out of feelings of guilt, I let him have his way.

10. My kid uses guilt-trips on me a lot.

11. My kid usually gets his way in the long run.

12. He can be verbally/physically aggressive.

13. She refuses to do any chores.

14. He is very manipulative.

15. I feel guilty because of having to work and not being able to spend enough time with my kid.

16. I feel sorry for the kid because of divorce or an abandoning father/mother.

17. I don't want my kids to have to go through what I went through.

18. My kid is in charge (the tail is wagging the dog).

19. My kid feels entitled to privileges, but not responsible for his actions.

20. She does not get along well with authority figures.

21. He believes the rules do not apply to him.

22. She is resentful about something that happened in the past.

23. He has attention-deficit problems too.

Do these phrases describe your kid's behavior fairly accurately?

1. Often loses temper

2. Often argues with adults

3. Often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules

4. Often deliberately annoys people

5. Often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior

6. Is often touchy or easily annoyed by others

7. Is often angry and resentful

8. Is often spiteful and vindictive

9. Often bullies, threatens, or intimidates others

10. Often initiates physical fights

11. Has used a weapon that can cause serious physical harm to others

12. Physically cruel to animals

13. Physically cruel to people

14. Has stolen other's property

15. Has broken into someone else's house, building or car

16. Often lies to obtain goods or favors or to avoid work

17. Often stays out at night despite parental prohibitions

18. Has run away from home overnight without returning home for a lengthy period

19. Often skips school

If most of these statements are true for you and your child, then you will (a) benefit from using a set of "unconventional" parenting strategies, and (b) make a bad problem worse if you don't.

Most parents who have kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder are therapy-drunk. What I mean is their child has been in anger-management therapy for his violent outbursts, the family has had family therapy in order to develop conflict management skills, mom and dad have had couples therapy (or marital counseling) to resolve communication problems, mom has had individual psychotherapy for her depression. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. You don't need any more therapy!

I find that when parents have a few simple parenting-tools in dealing with the out-of-control teen, they actually do a much better job of influencing him/her to change his behavior than a judge, probation officer, cop, counselor, psychotherapist, etc.

Can I give you an idea real quick? A change agent is someone who influences another person to make some improvements in his behavior. You can learn how to be the change agent -- and you'll do a much better job than others because you're the kid's parent, and you will see him/her nearly every day as long as he/she continues to live at your house. A therapist would only have about 12 hours of "influence time" if he/she were doing "family therapy" with you and your kid ...you will have thousands of hours of influence time.

You managed your child up until he/she reached puberty. Then your kid fired you as the manager and said, "I'll take over from here." The best you can do now is to be re-hired as a consultant.

You can't control your kid, but you can influence him or her. And if the parent fails to influence the child, the world will CONTROL the child -- and the world is not concerned about what is right or fair.

Know that your child WILL resist any parenting changes you implement. For a while, it may seem as though things are getting worse. This is because your child is adjusting to the changes you make. But don't be fooled!!! Your oppositional child will try very hard to make you believe that your parenting changes are not working and that your discipline has no effect.

No Half Measures! --

When parents implement "unconventional" parenting strategies, the change cycle looks something like this:

1. Initially, things get worse (i.e., your kid does not like your new parenting strategies and begins to act-out even more)

2. After a few weeks, problems between parent and child eventually occur less

frequently, but with the same intensity (e.g., instead of five heated arguments a week, there are only two)

3. Problems between parent and child occur less frequently AND with less

intensity (e.g., only one argument a week that is not very heated)

Will problems go away totally -- and stay away forever? No. But problems are likely to occur with less frequency and severity over time. And you will be able to cope better due to a reduction in your stress-level.

You literally have the toughest job in the world, because you are helping with the development of a human being (your child). And humans are the most complex things on earth - more complicated than computers (after all, humans created computers), more complicated than spacecraft (after all, humans created space craft). And humans are especially complicated when they are teenagers with oppositional defiant tendencies. So this week when you begin to doubt yourself or feel discouraged or feel overwhelmed, remind yourself that this is not an easy job for anyone.

For more information on "unconventional" parenting strategies, please visit http://www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Mark Hutten, M.A., is a family therapist and a probation officer who works with teens and pre-teens experiencing emotional/behavioral problems associated with Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Conduct Disorder. He works with these children and their parents ? in their homes. You may visit his website here: http://www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com/sl

Is your child constantly defying you and making you ashamed and failing as a parent? Have you live with a day without a single peaceful moment because your child is simply not listening, arguing, talking back, fighting, throwing tantrums, blaming and the list goes on? Is your marriage turning sour because of constant arguments with your spouse over your defiant child?

Oppositional Defiant Disorder Child Robbing Your Life

You should know better than anyone else about your situation at home. Having a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder or commonly known as ODD, is simply no joke and stressful. His teacher wants to talk to you about his behavior, your neighbors shut their doors and shy away from your child and the school bus driver refuses to pick him anymore.

Being a great parent, you had tried your very best to speak to your defiant child to improve his behavior. All the time. Day in day out,weeks and months pass by. It seems that all advise had fallen into deaf ears. Both ears! You don't seem to able to grasp the right parenting method. You get tired and wished to get out of the house to get some fresh air. You had lost your patience. Relatives are passing hurtful remarks. The matter is taking away you from your daily work and chores and you find it harder to concentrate due to poor quality sleep. The adorable baby which you cradle in your arms few years ago had grown into a defiant monster!

Unacceptable Resolutions

You had considered sending your child to psychologist for treatment but accumulated clinic hours are going to be very costly. Some ODD child may have even completed the treatment but shows no improvement. Time, effort and money wasted.

How about resorting to medication which controls behavior? Would usage of medicine cause dangerous side effects? You are not willing to accept.

You felt like GIVING UP your oppositional defiant disorder child! Simply let him outgrow it! Question: Possible? Answer: Highly unlikely. A defiant child is likely to grow into a defiant teenager!

How To Improve Your Child's Behavior?

That's exactly the name of a program you can opt for! Program designed by Anthony Kane, it consist of 14 weeks step-by-step video program to train parents on How to Improve Your Child's Behavior. It isn't complicated to parent. You just need to learn how. At least, it is the last resort you can opt for your ODD child. This program promises you unconditional 110% satisfaction money back guarantee! Find out more about How to Improve Your Child's Behavior. Looks like you have nothing to lose but to look forward to a well-behaved and respectful child soon.

Take crucial action and get How to Improve Your Child's Behavior program children without having to resort to costly clinical therapy or dangerous medications. Effective and long lasting results when you can manage your ODD child all on your own.

Justina Wang is the founder of www.mumsafari.com which offers articles on Parenting Kids and kids related topics along with her wide range of ebooks from getting pregnant to babies, kids and parenting.

The symptoms of ADHD in adolescents result in a number of complications. Consider for a moment the various questions and problems that most adolescents are confronted to of such as:

* Their identity.

* Fitting in with their peers.

* Stress and anxiety about examinations, etc.

* Their physical development and changes

Conflicts with their parents and other figures by authorities

Now take into account the fact that the young person with add/ADHD to experience of these at the same time they try to cope with the disorder. Children with add/ADHD do not react how children without the disorder could these types of questions. For example, they may react more acute. This is because they very often have lower levels of tolerance which means they feel these issues so that they can cause to feel overwhelmed.

In addition, children with add/ADHD also tend to experience more problems when it comes to self-esteem and self image. According to the research and studies for add/ADHD adolescents, there is a higher instance of conflict between them and their parents. Interestingly, the highest rate of conflicts between adolescent ADHD tends to involve their mothers more often than their fathers.

If you have an adolescent ADHD and you have problems, first of all, breathe deeply, and realize that power struggles are not the answer to this problem. Although the symptoms of ADHD in adolescents result in struggles such as these there are better ways to deal with them. For example, if your teenager does not want to take their medication ADHD, it is preferable that you do not argue with them, try to dominate them, force them to take, etc. Instead, ask your teen why they do not want to take their medication. It may be that they simply keep forgetting to do so. If this is the case, you can discuss ways to resolve this issue with them. Invite their comments in the resolution of the issue, instead of directing them to not remember. Teens are very socially and you will find perhaps your ADO is simply ill at ease on their medication. They may not want their friends to know. If this is the case, why not discuss the issue with your baby's doctor. There are formulations extended release available today that will ensure that your child does not have to worry about their medication, while they are at school.

To combat the symptoms of ADHD in adolescents, keep in mind that what works for smaller or more young children may not work so well for the young person. For example, using techniques of behaviour as maps stellar management or reward systems simply do not resonate with them longer. They reached a level of maturity that should be considered. Teens learn to find their way in life, to exercise their authority. Rather than deal with a list of chores that they need to do, or a list of rules which are not negotiable, try being more flexible. Chances are that your ADHD adolescent is more likely to listen to and to hold in your rules if you invite their comments and remain open to negotiation.

If you are confronted with problematic behaviour there are ways to cope. Try to refrain from focus on the negatives. Take account of what they do well and be generous with your praise. Don't be not too serious. A good sense of humour can do miracles provided that the child does not become the butt of the joke. Let your teen to understand that their behavior has consequences but do combat is not with them in each small problem. This is when you should be able to pick your battles. These questions are not really important can be ignored. Forget step that they grow up and everything that will make them feel more as an adult will probably produce positive results. Therefore, you should consider offering them specific choices.

Should also consider the manner in which treat you ADHD in your adolescent. For example, your expectations are too high? Do you tend to make assumptions and conclusions? Discuss the problems that arise in a calm manner and suggest possible solutions to the problems that will work for you and your teen. Be sure to participate in this process. It is essential that you keep the lines of communication open.

You want to learn more about how the manifest symptoms of ADHD in adolescents ? Would you be interested in learning an exciting natural homeopathic remedy that can help you to treat ADHD in your ADO? If so, please take a moment to visit my website at: http://www.adhd-treatment-info.com/, where I will tell you more safe and effective remedy. By V K Rajagopalan, proudly and actively healthy natural life supporting.