Argue With Your Teenager

Separation and divorce affects the whole family, including children and teenagers. They can uncertain as to what the future of living with one parent at the time will mean to their lives. They don't know any different as having both parents present and with the uncertainty of the future might act out more than usual. The following article will look at some possible reactions of children and teenagers and how you can support them through this period.

The age of the child

The reactions vary depending on the child's age. Very young children, below the age of three, will most likely not understand the situation to its full extent. They will go along with what is happening but will be strongly affected by disharmony or verbal aggression being displayed when they are around.

Self-blame and guilt

Children between three and five can grasp what a separation means. They are often fearful of not having the other parent around and will ask continuous questions like: 'Where is daddy?' or 'Why is mummy no longer living with us?' These children, as well as older ones, often unconsciously feel guilty and put the blame onto themselves for their parent's disagreements, arguing or separation.

Acting out to draw attention

It is common knowledge that children act out to get attention. Children older than six and younger than twelve can react very strongly as they are trying to figure out what this means to them. They can become moody or aggressive towards siblings or be overly fearful and clingy themselves. Sometimes even before the parents have spoken to the children, they will ask them questions about the topic of separation, unconsciously letting their parents know that they are ready to know something is going on.

Effect on school and social surrounding

Older children and teenagers can display unusual behaviour or start experiencing academic difficulties at school. The shock of their parents changed relationship status will affect their ability to concentrate, their belief in what relationship means and for some totally dispel the myth of what they thought their parents symbolized on various levels.

Taking sides

Depending on the way the separation is communicated to the children, they might take sides. It is of utmost importance that parents maintain a common front and explain that 'we have come to this decision together'. It is tempting to blame to other person when you are feeling hurt. Asking your child to choose between your partner and yourself is not doing any favors to your growing children.

Remember: Make sure that you adapt the suggestions above to your child's temperament and nature. Always keep your child's best interest as your highest priority and trust your own heart in choosing the right way.

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Nathalie Himmelrich is the founder of 'Reach for the Sky Therapy' on Sydney's Northern Beaches and specialises in 'relationship related issues'. She is working with individuals and couples using techniques ranging from Counselling, Neuro Linguistic Programming to Journey Therapy. She supports clients in their personal growth in a supportive and professional environment.

Visit my website: http://www.reachforthesky.com.au or visit my blog: http://reachforthesky.wordpress.com and sign up for our newsletter today.

Like any concerned parent's worst nightmare, my teenage son wanted to get a tattoo for his birthday. I thought he lost his mind and nearly got into a huge argument with him. Why couldn't he be just like all the other kids and ask for a video gaming console instead?

After a heated exchange of words, followed by a cool-down period with lots of contemplation, I slowly saw the error of my ways. All my son wanted was a tiny tattoo for a birthday present. It does not equal to the end of the world just yet.

In Canada, there is no age regulation for getting a tattoo, although most parlours require parental consent for anybody under the age of eighteen. I was thankful that my son respected me enough to ask for permission first. I'd much rather argue with him over getting a tattoo, rather than him going to an untrustworthy tattoo parlour behind my back. If my son wanted to get a tattoo, then it is my responsibility as a parent to fully support him however I can.

My first concern is the quality of the tattoo supplies. I have heard many horror stories about skin infection through unsterilized needles and equipment. To avoid this, I did hours of research online until I came up with a very reputable tattoo parlour with great reviews and references.

Another concern is the design and visibility of the tattoo. My son is still young and a bit naive, so he wanted the tattoo to be placed on a body part with as much exposure as possible. He did not take into consideration that very few employers would appreciate hiring somebody with a bright vibrant tattoo on the side of his neck. I definitely vetoed that suggestion, although I did recommend that he place it on the back of his shoulder - a common place for tattoos.

Since the tattoo gun came into origin during the late 1800s, getting body art has been made a much easier process. Previously, the traditional method was to literally hammer the ink into the human skin, which is not only painful but also prone to sloppiness and errors. The new tattoo machines can avoid these problems. There will still be some pain to getting a tattoo, but the amount is definitely more tolerable.

The tattoo machine operates with two needles. The first one involves tracing the outline of the tattoo. This is typically drawn in black or any other colour as the user desires. The second needle is used for the actual colouring process, as in filling out the colours within the outlines. The needles are designed so that the bottom base is wider.

It took a lot of effort and hard work to give my son the tattoo that he wanted, but I also learned a lot from the tattooing experience. And believe it or not, I believe getting the tattoo was a great bonding experience between parent and child. I would definitely feel prepared now if my daughter wants a tattoo as well...

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