Effective Parenting - Setting Limits For Teenagers

The single most effective parenting tip I can give you is setting limits for teenagers, followed up with consequences.

It's simple, your teenager needs and wants limits in his life. Oh sure, he'll constantly be pushing on those boundaries, but they give structure to his life. Like how late he can stay out. Or not to curse at his parents. Or even not to drink alcohol.

Limits have been part of his life as he was growing up. Like sharing with others, putting away his toys and washing his hands before eating. As he grows, his limits become different and more serious, but just as important.

He sees limits all around him. At school, on the bus and even at the store. He can't do just anything that he wants. He has to follow the rules to get along. He knows the rules are in place, just as he knows that some kids don't respect them at all.

It's your job to make sure that your child respects society's limits as well as your own limits that you set for him. You need to be his goal post that says how far he can push things. And he will try to push past your goal post, have no doubt. But when he does, make sure that you are ready with a consequence.

Consequences are simply the reactions that occur when he steps over the line. If he argues with his siblings, he spends time in his room. If he comes home late, he comes in earlier the next night. If he doesn't do his homework, he doesn't go out on the weekend.

You've got to be ready with consequences for your child, whether he breaks your boundaries, the rules set out at school's rules or just regular norms of society. Knowing that you are there with a consequence actually acts as a deterrent for most teenagers and keeps them in line. But you've got to be ready to carry out the consequence if he crosses the line.

A lot of people have trouble confusing consequences with punishment and oftentimes get it wrong. I've created a video that points out the number one mistake parents make when applying consequences.

Do you really want your teenager to respect you and your limits? If you are really interested in effective parenting, check out my video. You'll learn that setting limits for teenagers that are supported by consequences will set you on the right path.

Anthony Kane, MD is a physician and international lecturer who has been helping parents of children with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder online since 2003. Get help with Oppositional Defiant Disorder child behavior help with defiant teens ADHD treatment and ADHD. Check out our Free video if you are really interested in effective parenting

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Are Teenagers Obsessed With Texting?

You only have to drive 20 yards down the road before you come across a teenager either talking on their mobile or texting and downloading information from another world onto their latest mobile gadget. There's an app for this and there's an app for that. You will struggle to find a teenager who will leave home without their mobile or cell phone, whatever you wish to call it, and you will struggle even further to find a teenager who does not own a mobile phone.

Texting has become a frightening obsession for many young people and has seemingly become their primary means of communication with their friends and even family. They live in a world where everything has to be relayed instantly and without the need to raise a voice or look someone in the eye.

Two teenagers in the same room, the same class, the same train will think nothing of sending one another a text to let each other know how they are feeling, where to meet or what they did the night before - not giving a it a second thought that they could just as easily greet one another with a friendly smile and speak to each other.

It has become socially unacceptable for teenagers not to own a mobile phone. They communicate with one another on a level that has created a sub culture and a language which can only be understood by them. Having said that, twenty or so years ago, teenagers had their own sub language in the spoken form anyway because teenagers need to set themselves apart from their elders and exist in a world which is exclusive to them.

Now, even text language has evolved and divided into sub languages over the last ten years. What was once 'cool' to type on text or email is now just 'so last year' and it has moved on. There are levels of texting within texting and it has developed into its own language with its own etiquette.

Levels of literacy and numeracy are reportedly poor in teens. You don't need statistics to point out these facts - you need only spend a few hours with a group of teenagers to realise that they place importance on other things. Whilst able to design a perfect power point presentation with spectacular graphics, using a pre-packaged suite on a well-known platform, teens seem unable to find the time to check their work for such things as spelling, grammar and so on. The basics are most definitely dead. With so many people arguing that there is no longer a need for a person to be able to spell for themselves because of spell checkers and predictive text, it seems that teenagers continue in ignorant bliss as to the detrimental effects that texting is having on them and the long term effects of society. We are even breeding a generation of teachers who aren't able to correct their pupils' work because they often don't know any different either.

Using text language means that teenagers are losing their ability to communicate effectively and articulately with others of all age groups and retain information for any length of time because they are no longer required to. Why retain something that is at your predisposal on a saved artificial memory? Learning the basic skills of life in the forms of literacy, numeracy, communication and the art of social interaction seem to be less and less fashionable and worryingly considered less and less important. What a shame that it is only like to become worse before it becomes any better.

Pete Moore is a UK based author and co-founder of, an award winning website builder that enables anyone to create a professional looking website, for whatever purpose, in literally a few minutes. Why not create yours today?

Copyright Peter Moore 2009

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Do You Have an Angry Child? - How to Deal With an Angry Child

If you are like many parents, when your defiant or angry child starts throwing a fit or arguing with you, you try to help them deal with their anger while it's happening. Have you found that this usually doesn't work? What if you could teach them the appropriate behavior before the tantrum or negative activity starts? This can be done by teaching your child how to solve the problem that led him to the emotion that he is feeling. You can do this by applying a focus on the thought process that led to him making a poor decision.

My son likes to tell me that "this isn't fair" or "that isn't fair". What I have been able to do since I learned how to help him is to get him to focus instead on what originally made him think it wasn't fair, and the poor decision he used to handle it. My son has to remember, and your child has to remember, that life isn't always fair. And just because this unfairness takes place does not give the child permission to handle it with inappropriate behavior. Learning to process these realities the right way will go a long way towards helping your child learn the behavior necessary to avoid the anger and defiance that has resulted in the past.

Here is a great way to begin putting this into practice. The next time your child begins to act out of anger or defiance, rather than focusing on the emotion, ask him to look at what he does when he gets angry. The idea here is to get the child thinking about the anger and what he does with it. Then ask him how he would handle it differently the next time it happens. From now on, redirect your angry child's focus to his thinking and not his emotions. This will begin to facilitate a change in his behavior, but it takes time and you need to apply it consistently

Are you tired of the chaos in your home from your angry or defiant kid? Would you like a game plan to restore peace and sanity to everyone in the family? For more information on how to deal with an angry child or a defiant child, visit angry child

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Eating Disorders: Why Logic Doesn't Work When Talking To Your Anorexic Child

When you talk to your anorexic child you may try to use logic. The problem is she is not able to think logically right now. She is under the influence of the eating disorder and it impacts her ability to think clearly.

How often do you find yourself in this kind of circular argument with your anorexic daughter?

Mom - "You need to put butter on your potato."

Daughter - "I am not putting butter on it, it will make me fat."

Mom -"A little butter is not going to make you fat."

Daughter - "How do you know? You don't know as much about Trans fat as I do."

Mom - "It would take a pound of butter for you to even come close to gaining weight!"

Daughter - "Do you know how many calories are in butter?"

And the circle goes around and around. It is a no win and I'm sure you already know that. When we know this, why do we continue trying to talk rationally with someone who is anorexic?

I think it is because we don't know what else to do. We want her to think the same way we do and she just doesn't. She can't. She does not have enough nutrition in her to think clearly.

The reality is the only thing you can do is re-feed her until she gains enough weight to think logically again. The only way to do that is to sit with her until she eats more than she wants to eat. No arguing, negotiating, pleading.

You use a very limited repertoire of responses. You might say, "Food is your medicine. You have to eat to get better." "I know this is difficult but we have to do it. Take 3 more bites. We won't move on until you finish." As much as you can don't use logic; be firm and compassionate and support her in eating one bite at a time.

Do you want to learn more about eating disorders?

If so, download my free e-book "Eating Disorder Basics for Parents" here

Lynn Moore educates, coaches, and consults parents on how to help their adolescent with eating disorder behavior. She will help you figure out what kind of help you need and what you can do to help your child.

This information is not a substitute for consultation with health care professionals. Each child's health issues should be evaluated by a qualified professional. Never read one article and try to implement what you read without more research and help; either from a coach or therapist.

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Guilty, Your Honor - The Burden of Guilt After a Suicide

Guilty, Your Honor, I whisper.

Have you ever done anything so horrible that you would prefer to hide in a dark closet for the rest of your life than have someone find out you did it? Have you ever done something so bad that even remembering what you did causes you to hyperventilate and shake?

I have. I've made too many mistakes in my life. I should have done better.

Sometimes I envision myself standing before a judge who wears a long black robe, with my head hanging low in shame. I am holding tightly to a large bulging sack. The judge with the long black robe says, "Hold your head up to answer me. Who are you?" I answer him quietly. "I am a mother, a wife, and a teacher." "Were you a good mother?" the judge asks. I notice his eyes are staring impatiently into mine. "No, Your Honor," I reply, shaking my head sadly. "I was not a good mother."

The judge says nothing, so I continue.

"I tried my best, but I made too many mistakes. I brought them to show you. They are all in this sack," I explain, straining to push the sack closer to him so he can see it better. The judge looks at my sack and mumbles to himself, "Looks like this woman's got a ton of bricks here." Then, he sighs and says, "Hmmmm - How do you plead?" "Guilty, Your Honor," I whisper. "Guilty."

The reality is, however, I carried that huge sack of guilt with me from the moment the officer told me that my teenage daughter, Arlyn, took her life. I found the largest sack I could and opened it. Then, I threw bricks of guilt into it, one by one.

In the sack, I placed bricks for each memory I had of the times I had raised my voice to my children. I placed more bricks in for times I punished them for making childish mistakes.

If only I had been more patient, -

In the sack, I stuffed bricks for each time I was too busy grading papers or washing clothes or talking on the telephone to give my children, the most precious people in my life, my undivided attention.

If only I had kept my priorities straight, -

In this sack also, I added bricks for memories of many times when I had failed to listen to my children with my heart.

If only I had been wiser, -

After Arlyn died, I walked around carrying my sack of guilt; it was a painful reminder that some of my actions could have contributed to the depression that led to her death. I did not pull the trigger that hot August day, but I felt as if I did. To me, Arlyn's suicide provided tangible evidence that I had failed in the most important mission of my life - mothering. I deserved to have to spend the rest of my life lugging a heavy sack of bricks around. This was almost a complete turn-around from the attitude I had before Arlyn's death. Prior to August 7, 1996, I had confidence in myself; I had achieved the goals I set, so I thought I knew it all. If there'd been a Miss Arrogance pageant, I would have won the crown.

But I was knocked to my knees when Arlyn died, and I would never stand tall again. Any crown on my head was shattered. After Arlyn died, the world no longer made sense. I doubted every thing I had ever learned, my beliefs, and my values. Most of all, I saw myself as a huge failure in life. So here I was, trying to muddle through each day, attached to this huge burdensome sack of guilt that I could not and would not put down.

Ughhh! My sack of bricks was so heavy: the bricks representing all the mistakes of my life were so heavy that I'd need the help of a bulldozer to move it, at least. Most of the bricks in the sack had to do with Arlyn: sins of commission and sins of omission. Arlyn had killed herself, and the guilt I felt was consuming me. Every day after I woke up, I'd stand at the foot of the huge ugly load and looked up at it. As much as I hated it, I felt connected to it. I sometimes reached out and stroked the bag up and down with one hand, never letting go with the other. It was MINE.

Day after day, I stood there, holding on to my sack full of bricks of guilt. Friends would walk by and shake their heads at me. "Let go of your guilt, Karyl. It's not your fault!" they'd say, often shaking their heads in disgust. "You're wasting your life," others would say. "Arlyn would not want you to lug that sack around forever." I tuned them out. What Arlyn would want or would not want did not matter. She was not here to speak out.

Sometimes, I'd try to explain how much I needed to hold on to the guilt, but they'd argue louder. So then, I closed my ears and turned away. They could not understand. And so it was. Life went on for those around me, and I was alone. Except that I had my sack of guilt to keep me company.

But then one day, for no particular reason, I reached into the sack and pulled out one of the bricks. It was dated July 5, 1996. It said: I went to Germany, so I was not here to take care of Arlyn during her last month of life.

I thought about it. If I had been here, would I have noticed that something was wrong with Arlyn? It's possible I would have. At the same time, it's more probable that I wouldn't have noticed anything.

Arlyn was a master at deception, it seems; She'd been hiding her pain for years. So what makes me believe that she'd suddenly have changed and become transparent?

My tears began to fall then. I felt warm tears streaming down my cheeks. They were for Arlyn: Arlyn, my gentle little girl who was trapped in her own dark world by something beyond her ability to comprehend.

It hurt so badly to remember. So so badly.

But then, the tears began to fall faster, and they felt even hotter against my face. These tears were different; they for me.

I, too, was trapped in my own dark, lonely world, lugging this heavy load of guilt around. I, too, was trapped by something too complex for me to understand.

Did I really deserve the additional weight of the brick dated July 5, 1996, just because I went to Germany? Was I a terrible mother because I took a vacation that I had dreamed of for years?

In my heart, I knew that I had not neglected Arlyn by going on a vacation. In my heart, I knew that I did not need that extra brick adding weight to the overloaded sack.

But could I bear to toss it out? Would the world fall apart if I removed it from the sack? I thought a while as I ran my hands over the brick. It felt rough, hard and cold. Yes, I needed it. No I did not. Yes, I needed it. No I did not. Yes, I needed it. No I did not.

Finally, I placed the brick on the ground beside me, and waited. I heard no loud crashes of thunder; the earth beneath me did not tremble. I looked up at the sack I?d been lugging. It really didn't look any different. I tried to push it; it didn't feel any lighter, but I knew it was. I had lightened the load just a little bit. I took a step forward, and I felt a gentle breeze brush my cheek. A butterfly flitted by.

Quote for the day:

Guilt is the source of sorrow; 'tis the field, th' avenging field, that follows us behind with whips and stings. ~ Nicholas Rowe

Karyl Chastain Beal at
Mother of Arlyn & Ron
Humble student of life's lessons lifted up by the wind beneath my wings, Arlyn. January 25, 1978 - August 7, 1996 Writer, teacher, reluctant_traveler

Aryn's memorial

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Help With Teenager Problems When You're Ready to Quit

Do you need help with teenager problems but you're about ready to give up trying? Have you had more than enough of the angry cursing by your child, enough of the hollering at each other; which does no good, enough of receiving just total disrespect from your teen?

Don't quit. There is professional help available at an extremely affordable cost. I'm talking less than you would spend for dinner at a restaurant for two people. I'd like to share with you information about an ebook and an ongoing program we've discovered that can really help the relationship between you and your child improve quickly. I mean days, not weeks and months.

Let me tell you a bit about myself. My wife and I raised 5 children, 4 boys and 1 girl. Yes, we experienced some very significant problems when they were going through their teen years. I'm talking about disrespect, substance abuse, alcohol abuse, even jail time. I wish we had the program that I want to tell you about, then. Our family is all grown up now and everything is fine.

Now let me get to the program we've discovered. Here's a quote from Mark, the creator of this program, "The problem is that most parents of strong-willed, out of control teenagers have tried very hard to regain control -- but with little or no success. And it seems the harder the parent tries, the more the teenager "acts-out." Mark has spent the majority of his adult life preparing to help and actually helping build, or re-build, understanding and respect between parents or guardians and troubled teenagers.

Mark has a Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology and has been employed in the field for almost 20 years. He calls the program, "Online Parent Support" (OPS). It's based on his personal experience in helping teens and parents everywhere.

Here is a list of some of the problems that Mark addresses in his material:

Does your child often:

· lose his temper

· argue with adults

· refuse to comply with rules and requests

· deliberately annoy people

· blame others for his mistakes and misbehavior

Is your child often:

· touchy and easily annoyed by others

· angry and resentful

· spiteful and vindictive

All of the above problems and hundreds more are covered in the OPS program. You'll not only receive Mark's ebook, "My Out-of-Control Teen" (Help for Parents With Strong-Willed, Out-of-Control Kids), you'll also receive live audio recordings, Power Point Presentations, and Videos.

Now here's an additional unexpected feature of the OPS program. You'll also receive Mark's toll free phone number and his cell phone number. You'll be able to get answers and help to solve your specific questions and circumstances.

Needless to say, Mark is very serious about providing this help to you as a caring parent. You owe it to yourself and your child to find out more about the OPS program.

Please don't wait. Everyday that goes by without the knowledge and guidance that is available to you will be harder on both your and your child. Mark also offers a guarantee on his OPS program. Here's what he says in his own words, "If for any reason you aren't thrilled and satisfied with your purchase, just contact me within 365 days (that's right - one year!) and I'll give you a 100% prompt and courteous refund - no questions asked!"

I know you know how important it is to educate yourself on how to be most helpful in guiding your troubled teen in the best direction. There is more information at the website of a friend of mine. Please learn more by checking it out. I believe you'll be glad you did. Take action now.

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How Parents Can Discuss Any Subject Matter With Their Young Children or Teenagers

Dealing with difficult subject matters and having sensitive discussions is a part of life. However, when it comes to children broaching such topics can be challenging. Yet, if you know how to approach and explain these difficult topics so they can understand them in a thoughtful and age-appropriate way, the discussions will be less stressful and the resulting better for all involved.

If you are a parent take the time to review this set of general guidelines, as well as more specific suggestions for handling certain topics in order to arm yourself for those challenging discussions that are sure to come.

General Guidelines for Explaining Difficult Topics

No matter what the subject, there are certain principles that can be applied. Knowing what they are will give you a good base for your talk with your young children or teenagers.

Don't overwhelm them with details. Let your child be the guide and follow their lead as to how much information to give.

Remember to be age-appropriate with the amount and type of information you share. Details a teenager might be able to handle would not be assimilated the same way by a younger child.

Break down data in a way would benefit or address the concerns of the child in question.

Allow children to ask their own questions and respond honestly. Encourage openness.

Incorporate your family values into difficult discussions. If you are not sure how you feel about a certain topic or conversation your child what's to have, be honest, share your ambiguous feelings to your children. It is okay to let them know that you do not have all the answers, but that you can and will research the topic and try to find the answers they need.

If you want to have a discussion with your child plan an activity together, and have the necessary discussion while you are both busy at work or play.

While some topics may arise out of the blue, some are predictable. Therefore, plan to talk to your child earlier than necessary about subjects that are bound to come up. That way you will beat their peers to the subject!

Listen carefully to what your child to say about whatever topic is being discussed. You will gain clues on how much you should tell them or what they really want and needs to hear-what their concerns really are. Be patient with yourself and your child, talk as long as your child needs to.

Talking About Divorce

If a child is concerned that his parents may divorce but their relationship is healthy, he or she needs to be reassured of that. They also need to know that some arguing amongst adults is normal. The child simply needs reassurance that his family unit is stable and intact.

But if divorce is looming on the horizon, the conversation will be very different. However, it should always begin and end with reassurance. Tell them that they will always be loved and that will never change. Children need to be reminded that no part of the decision to divorce is a reflection on them.

Always addressed the general topic of divorce in a factually manner with an explanation that it is a reality for many families.

Talking About The Concept Of Being Gay

Whether the topic comes up as a generality or if a child asks about the same-sex parent of a friend or neighbor, the subject matter of being gay is another discussion that some parents are unease about or not prepared to have. This is an area where your values may come into play so you might want to tackle it form a factually point of view.

You can explanation to your child that some people happen to love another person who just happens to be of the same-sex. For a young child, this should be sufficient. For a teenager, the discussion regarding sexual orientation may be more complicated and fraught with legal and moral issues. No matter how you choose to handle this be open, and encourage your children to treat everyone as he would want to be treated. Remind them that whether or not a person is gay has no impact on their humanity.

Talking About The Death Of A Parent Or Loved One

Death is one of the most difficult subjects to bring up with children or teenagers. Nevertheless, when faced with it, there is no shying away from it. Communicating effectively about the topic can greatly help young people deal with loss.

Discuss the physical aspects of death, such as illness that couldn't be cured; injury that could not be fixed; and how bodies simply stop working at one point. In regards to the spiritual realm of death, values and religion reign. Share what your family believes. Comfort your children with the idea that death does not change love. Allow your child to openly express their feelings, be sure to provide a safe and judgment free environment for them to do so.

Talking About Strip Clubs

When your child notices the strip club on the highway on the way to school or church, you will most likely face another uncomfortable conversation. Luckily, this discussion does not touch close to home, so it can be dealt with in generalities as you discuss the choices some people make. Be sure to make it a life lesson. You can also explain that just like children have play area, such as amusement parks which are just for them, so does adults. Simply tell children that a strip club is place where some grown-ups chose to go to have fun.

Talking About Sex, Pregnancy And Where Babies Come From

Talking to your children about sex, pregnancy and where babies come from is one of those inevitable discussions that every parent has to have. One of the most important things to remember is to be timely with that discussion. If possible talk about the subject before your child hears about it from friends or classmates. So, you would want to start early on this topic. Simply as questions arise, answer them honestly, with small children being brief and simplistic is very important, don't divulge more information than is absolutely necessity.

Keep in mind that before deciding to introduce any difficult subject with your young children or teenager, have a game plan. Know how much information you want to share. Plan to be responsive to their input. And when subjects come up unexpectedly staying calm and being honest will save the day. Share appropriately to create a well-balanced child who know they can also came or look to they family for help in understanding the tough things in life.

Learn more at:

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How To Deal With Teenagers' Attitudes And Rollin' Eyes

If you are a parent of teens or preteens, you undoubtedly have already had the opportunity to deal with teenager issues like poor attitudes and eye rolling.

In fact, some kids are masters at pushing a nasty attitude from a very young age. If you're looking for them to spontaneously grow out of it, I've got some bad news for you.

They've just spent years perfecting their craft. Why would they give it up now?

After parenting for nearly 30 years with 4 very different kids, I can tell you there are 2 important ideas to keep in mind when dealing with teenagers and their pesky attitudes. Keep these 2 concepts strong and healthy and most other problems will usually remain small and insignificant.

1. Travel down memory lane.

Remember when you were a teen? I'm serious. Spend some quality time thinking about how you felt when you were the same age your teenager is now. Take out a piece of paper and write down what you can remember of how you felt on a daily basis. Things like what worried you and what excited you. What your thoughts were concerning your own parents. What you wished for and why.

There are a couple of useful reasons for doing this. One is to help you empathize with your teen. It is an advantage as a parent to have already experienced the stage of life the child is going through. You need to use that advantage.

Don't be swayed by the "things were different then" argument. Yes, some things were different. And some things were the same. Neither matters. What does matter is that human beings themselves have not changed in several thousand years. Growing up - maturing - still requires learning to develop and trust oneself and effectively work with others.

The other reason recalling how you felt at your teenager's age is helpful, is so you will remember to listen - intently - to your teenager at least as often as you speak. When your teenager starts to get the message that you are actually hearing her on a daily basis, a lot of attitude issues will disappear by themselves.

Let me be clear here. I am not talking about being your teen's best friend, I'm talking about being their ally. Their guide, their mentor. Their coach. Which brings us to the next important concept you'll need to master to deal with teenagers with attitude.

2. The buck stops...with you.

If you are being your teen's guide, ally, mentor and coach, then you won't be needing to be drawn into pointless arguments with your teen. Leaders lead; they don't get lost in pursuing countless points of a debate.

Remember, when a human doesn't have the power he wants, he looks for ways to increase at least the appearance of power and control in his life.

Attitudes and eye rolling do that quite effectively for teens. Those behaviors are designed to make you, the parent, think your teen has more power than he really has. And if you play along by arguing, yelling, or otherwise overreacting, then your teen knows the truth.

You don't feel like you do have control of this relationship. You're waffling. And your teen knows it.

Not a good moment. How can you coach or guide if you are not leading? So, Mom or Dad, the next time you need to know how to deal with teenagers' attitudes because you have one staring you in the face, reach around to your back, straighten your spine, find your calm, secure, in-charge voice and say something to the effect of "excuse me, young man (or woman). We don't speak like that in this family. You may apologize now or after you (insert consequences)."

And mean it. Completely. Look your teenager in the eye when you say it and don't waver for a second.

If you have not been handling your teen's attitude issues in this manner, you can expect to get challenged for a while. That's only natural. Your teen needs to find out if you mean what you say.

Don't disappoint her. Be the leader you are meant to be in your home.

How to deal with teenagers and their attitudes? First of all, invest yourself into seriously listening to your son or daughter. Secondly, be the strong parent they need you to be when the moment of attitude arrives.

With this straightforward one, two parenting punch, you can effectively earn the respect of your teen.

And respect makes all the difference.

Is your teen dishing up too much drama? Let Colleen Langenfeld show you proven tips on parenting you can use right now at Get a free behavior log plus more key strategies of how to deal with teenagers ' attitudes starting today.

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How to Cope With a Rude Teenager

It seems sometimes like your child goes to bed one night as your precious little angel and wakes up the next morning as an alien being. It's the only explanation for the rude behavior of a teenager, right? An alien invaded your child's body when you weren't looking.

In a way, it's true...but it's not aliens, it's hormones. When puberty strikes, your teen's rude behavior does too. There are so many different emotions and conflicts going on inside your teen that it can be difficult to cope. There are strategies you can use to help curtail your teen's rude behavior and keep your sanity at the same time.

Whether your teen's rude behavior comes in the form of abusive words and rude language or the sometimes more frustrating behavior of ignoring you, arguing, or talking back the first step to cutting the behavior short is to immediately address it - and not by being rude back or raising your voice or getting frustrated.

The best way to chill teen behavior is to remain calm and speak in an almost business-like manner. Tell your teen that the words or behavior they are using is unacceptable, that choosing to behave that way will result in consequences, and then follow through.

The follow through is the most important thing. If your teen's rude behavior comes from something like using the cell phone at the table when it's time for family dinner, take the phone. If your teen tries to keep you from getting the phone, don't get physical; simply call the cell phone company and suspend the service for a day or two. Most teens will get the point rather quickly that the way they choose to behave will have direct and immediate consequences.

It's important that you understand that even well behaved teens will have a bad day, say something smart, or talk back occasionally. You have to be willing to have balance. Let your teen grow and stretch his or her wings, finding his or her voice, but keep your teen from crossing the line.

As with a lot of parenting tips, the best place to begin is with the parents serving as role models for the behavior that they would like to see in children. In and out of the home, if your teen sees you using rude behavior, he or she will most likely repeat it. When you have made it clear what you consider as rude behavior then you can set the consequence that makes the most sense, either taking away the cell phone, the computer, nights out with friends, or video games.

Rude behavior and teenager sometimes seem synonymous, but they don't have to be. You can make it clear to your teen that their own behavior dictates what privileges they will have and what level of trust you will have in them. Teenagers don't have to be rude; set the right tone, tolerate the occasional emotional outburst, and teach them coping tools to get through one of the most tumultuous times of their lives.

For more valuable information by parenting expert, Norbert Georget, go to PARENTING TEENAGERS TODAY. You will find all the answers you'll need to Parenting A Teenager.

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How to De-Escalate Oppositional and Defiant Teenagers

Every teenager will become oppositional from time to time. It's normal; and particularly when they feel upset or stressed. Oppositional behaviors can become a matter of concern if they start interfering with their social, academic or family life.

Oppositional/Defiant behaviors are characterized by the Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry as:

Frequent temper tantrums
Excessive arguing with adults
Often questioning rules
Active defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rules
Deliberate attempts to annoy or upset people
Blaming others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
Often being touchy or easily annoyed by others
Frequent anger and resentment
Mean and hateful talking when upset

In this article I'm not going to focus just on ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), the pathological form, but also on its usual (normal) manifestations. I'll focus on the ones that you are going to most likely find in every day life and how to defuse them. If you are specifically looking for ODD you can refer to the Academy's page. It's a good source.

When a teenager becomes oppositional the first thing you need to know is that you are going to need patience. Lots of it. Usually, to de-escalate him or her it would take you as long as a usual discussion with your girl/boyfriend or partner. That would be between an hour and a half and two hours. It follows the normal curve (AKA Gaussian function or Bell curve). An initial moment of increasing tension. A peak, usually followed by a plateau where you may feel that you are getting nowhere and a decline (the de-escalation).

The second thing you need to take into account is that it's going to be a chess game. You are the authority figure and that's the main problem. Oppositional and defiant behaviors are tightly bonded to authority. In my experience, when dealing with neurotypical people, time-outs are only going to give them time to stay on that negative trend of thought and is not going to help the situation get any better. You need to talk him or her out of it. Don't expect time itself to work magic. And if it does, there are gonna be hurt feelings. In other words, as a parent, your intervention is needed.

There are basically two actions that you need to take. The first one is active listening. Let him vent and be aware that you will hear things that you won't like; but don't get into an argument. That won't help either. The me vs. him approach won't work. Instead, listen and wait for the right moment to make your interventions, pointing out the weak points of his or her argument and redirecting the conversation continually. Timing is paramount here. The de-escalation rate will be directly tied to how timely and on the spot your interventions are.

You will also need to have a clear goal. This means, you need to know where you want to get, since your interventions should be directed to this goal. Don't try to directly go for your point because this will only trigger another escalation. You need to be subtle and "hide" your goal because if it becomes visible during the initial phase it will backfire. You have to slowly leak it at the end of the second phase (peak and/or plateau). Think of it as a chess game. If you start making random moves to see what happens the other player (who has a plan or idea) will beat you in the blink of an eye. Also, since you are the authority figure you will have some sort of leverage. Use it, but never as a threat or coercion. Use that differential of power wisely.

Yesterday I spent an hour and a half de-escalating a 15 year old boy. During that hour an and a half he refused to talk to me, followed by a half hour cathartic period. He then calmed down a bit and while talking to me he starting packing and dressing up to leave. I let him do it, but I kept talking to him. At one point I noticed that his bag was already full so he started taking stuff out and putting other stuff in. He tied his shoes twice, groomed himself for a bit and paced around the room aimlessly. At that point I knew that he knew he wasn't gonna go anywhere but the job hadn't been finished yet. He was still upset but open to talk. At that point I asked him to sit by me on his bed. Apparently he was ready for it since he did. That was the first moment where he was actually compliant. Score! Asking him to sit by me wasn't just for the sake of it.

Our "conversation" started with him sitting on the floor throwing things and breaking furniture. I was standing when I entered his room. Here you need to think about primal interactions and body language. He had to look up to talk to me or even to make eye contact. I was "on top", which doesn't help solve authority disputes. Next thing I did was to sit and start talking to him. He stood up and started to walk and talk. From an eye-to-eye perspective he was above me. You need to work with that illusion. When I asked him to sit by me we were both at the same level, and that was the beginning of the end of the argument. From there I could finally reason with him, joked a little bit while still talking and finally made my point firmly.He went to bed giggling and in an excellent mood.

In conclusion, it all goes down to a power struggle. The key is not to get engaged in it, since you'll be playing the teenager's game. You need to make that struggle as subtle as you can during most of the conversation, or at least until you consider the person is ready to acknowledge the fact that there is a "chain of command" and his way is not a viable option. In the process you will gain respect, a sense that what you want is not a whim and last but not least, you'll look as someone approachable in his eyes, which will help in future occurrences.

Fernando Tarnogol is an Argentinean psychologist, currently working as Program Coordinator at the Devereux Foundation in West Chester, Pennsylvania.

He has studied Psychology at the University of Buenos Aires and Human Resources Management at UADE (Argentinean University of the Enterprise). His professional experience includes work in HR for HSBC Bank Argentina and in two mental health facilities performing psychological evaluations and other clinical work.

Visit his blog at

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How to Get Your Teen to Clean His Room

Parents complain about the mess found in their teen's room, curfew rules and what their teens wear. They are constantly nagging and fighting with their teens. There are better ways to get our kids to do what we ask.

To get our Teens to listen we have to understand where they are coming from.

Teens are in a stage where they are trying to individuate. A teenager needs to separate from his/her parents and become their own independent person. It seems as if they live by the principle of "You can't tell me what to do!" This is a natural result of their struggle to find themselves. They relay this message to their parents and teachers in their words, their actions, their physical stance and their attitude.

In my classes I advise parents not to engage their children in conflict during this sensitive phase of their lives. Teens get defensive easily and will not hesitate to argue with their parents. Faber and Mazlish, encourage parents to gain cooperation by using indirect language and effective communication techniques.

Two skills that can ease the tension between parents and their teens and get teens to listen are:

Giving Information and Describing the Problem.

Instead of Commands:

"This room is a pigsty. You better clean it up now!"

Give Information: "Banana peels belong in the garbage"

Describe the Problem: "Banana peels get germy, moldy and smelly when left out"

Instead of Accusing:

"Are you crazy, its pouring outside, you can't wear those shoes"

Give Information: "Rain boots work better than sneakers for rainy days"

Describe the Problem: "Your class trip is a walking tour. It is supposed to rain the whole day. Being wet can't get pretty uncomfortable."

Instead of Warning:

"You better be home by curfew tonight!"

Give Information: "Just a reminder, curfew is at 10pm on school nights."

Describe the Problem: "When you come in late, I get real worried and concerned about your whereabouts."

When we give information we use a neutral and non-confrontational tone. Giving information reduces conflict.

Similarly, when we describe the problem, we avoid giving orders. What needs to be done becomes obvious in the context. It is the child's conclusion, not the adult's command. When decisions are self- inferred children are less likely to resist and more likely to cooperate.

To learn more skills like these come and visit and register for one of our parenting workshops.

See You There!

Adina Soclof, a certified Speech Pathologist, received her masters degree from Hunter College in New York in Communication Sciences. Adina worked as a Speech Pathologist in preschools for the developmentally disabled in the New York area before staying home full time with her family. She reentered the workforce as a Parent Educator for Bellefaire Jewish Children's Bureau facilitating "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk" workshops as well as workshops based on "Siblings Without Rivalry" and "Raising a Spirited Child". She has been featured at numerous non profit organizations and private schools in Cleveland. Adina developed TEAM Communication Ventures and conducts parenting, teacher and clinician workshops via telephone nationwide. You can visit her website at Adina lives with her husband and four lively children in Cleveland, Ohio.

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How to motivate your unmotivated teenager - a crucial Intervention

Do not operate punish its conferences, supporting, pleading, rewarding and shout - you tried. Rather than trying to find the right positive or negative intervention, consider a solution in a completely different context. Rather than attempting to apply outside motivation, try it elicit Interior. The best way to do so is by exploring and developing the divergence of your youth, the difference between their goals and their actual performance.

For non-motivated children, it is quite common for them to say one thing ("I want to get good grades to") and another (do not complete duties). It is this discrepancy that you want to explore. Parents in general it by becoming upset, screeching comments such as "How can you expect to do the same when you do any work at home?" How you never expect succeed? You'll never experiment for good grades being so lazy. "Although each of these statements may be true and clearly identify inconsistencies in their teens, they are not useful or motivating. Here are a few guidelines to effectively develop this divergence.

Be curious. Ask questions, but do not question. Your questions should indicate a fresh curiosity. Like most parents, your typical examination indicates that there is only one acceptable answer for you. Instead, you can be bewildered or confused by the difference rather than upset by it. For example, I am curious, you said that you wanted to do really well in school this semester, but I see that you made few duties. Is there something that I do not understand? "I am a little confused". Or "there appears to be a difference between what you say you want and what you're doing." "Is it a problem that blocks your progress?

Be gentle. Do not take a one - up, authoritarian, approach book. Rather, approach the conversation as if you know nothing and simply want to understand view of your adolescent. Keep your quiet voice. Do not impose your point of view on them.

Listen. Teens are very used to be spoken to but unused to be listened to. Just listen, the judgment of restraint and as clearly as you do your best understand are vital to the process of motivation. You may not agree with them; Keep your judgments to yourself. They are already well aware of your good advice and know what you want that they would be; to simply repeat is not useful.

Remember, acceptance facilitates change. Keep in mind that the motivation is more a question of relations, as a personal quality of your adolescent. The steps listed above are essential aspects of this relationship of motivation.

Dennis Bumgarner, ACSW, LCSW is a family adviser who consulted with their parents for more than 35 years. He is the creator of the video training "get the behavior you want your child" and the DVD "Kindness, courtesy and Respect" of parents for children. In addition, he is the author of "Motivate your Intelligent but unmotivated adolescent." He is in demand as a trainer for parents, schools and social service organizations and has provided hundreds of presentations of training across the country.

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How to Punish Teenagers

If you have teens, then one of the biggest quandaries is how you should punish them. They're basically too old to be sent to a time out chair or their room. Here are some effective things that you can deprive your teen of:

1. Phone

This can involve either a landline or cell phone. There are a few options. You could totally bar your son or daughter from using the phone (except for those that are absolutely necessary), or you could limit the number of minutes that he or she daily uses the phone. In this Information Age, limiting the amount of communication that your son or daughter can have with the outside world, is certainly an effective method for disciplining him or her.

2. Computer

For many of us, living a day without a computer is like living a day without food or water. That's why this is definitely an effective method for providing an effective punishment for your son or daughter. The easiest way to prevent his or her use of the computer is to change the computer's password. If your youngster can't log onto the computer, then he or she can't check e-mail, play games, or surf the Net.

3. Socializing

There are several possible options. You could disallow your son or daughter to go anywhere outside the house, except to work or school. Also, you could prohibit any friends from visiting your teen at the house. Restricting a teen's ability to socialize is devastating, since teenagers are constantly seeking approval from their friends. That objective can be extremely difficult when the amount of socializing that they can do becomes limited.

4. Vehicle

When a teen gets his or her license, it opens up a whole new world for him or her. Your son or daughter then has more mobility and independence. But it's crucial that your teen understands that driving is a privilege, rather than a right. Once they break your rules, it's reasonable for them to lose their driving privileges. In fact, you could point out that adults also can lose their license if they drive irresponsibility. This will help your son or daughter to understand the importance of obeying your rules.

5. Allowance

You have more than one option. You could eliminate your son's or daughter's allowance until he or she meets certain requirements that you've set. Another option is to add some extra chores to your teen's weekly "to do" list, while not increasing his or her allowance. Both of these punishments can be particularly tough for those teens who have no outside source of income besides their allowance.

Finally, it's crucial that you're consistent in setting and implementing your child's punishment. While your teen might argue that a certain punishment isn't fair, his or her argument might be valid if the punishment isn't consistent.

While teens probably wouldn't respond well to a time-out chair, they'll respond well to being temporarily banned from the driver's seat. Although disciplining your teen is difficult, it will make him or her a stronger human being.

Graeme has been writing articles for nearly 3 years. He enjoys keeping fit and music but his current passion is cooking using a barbecue. Take a look at his selection of Bbq Grill Accessories and the range of Bbq Grill Covers he uses for protection.

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How to teach the management of money adolescents in a way that actually works!

Your teen needs you to be a Mentor: Soon the parents of teens learn that conferences or "a stern talking to" little significant effect. The restrictive application can also lead to the distance between the parents and adolescents. Is life experience (guided by you, his mentor) which can have a profound effect on his maturity, and your relationship! You can allow to make mistakes and suffer the consequences, but to set limits on the level of risk to ensure nothing serious or long term.  We know that the classic struggle between a parent who cannot stand by while their child suffers at all and the other parent who wants to see their children to live the consequences of their actions. The "unconditional love" vs "tough love" is another way to say. Pull far as tug-a-war and see yourself as a mentor who gives your child enough freedom to learn by experience, even if it hurts, but never as much to enter into a murky period. A mentor trusts that its students will learn what is taught later. It may take several failures before the student is ready, but the mentor never loses faith in latent potential student. This reflection will be added to your patience, because you have just drudgery as a supplier, but a mentorship with more noble goal.

"Money is like manure; It is not worth a thing unless it is spread around encouraging to grow young things. "Thornton Wilder

The practice.

Want it? Can he win: beyond the special occasions such as birthdays, awarded degrees etc., if your teenager wants an item, such as a cell phone or a video game, it must be earned, either working for compensation or a part-time job. For larger purchases such as a vehicle or a computer, the parents can show encouragement by paying half after their adolescent demonstrates the responsibility of raising the first half.  If your son or daughter is unable to collect enough money for their own articles that they would simply get it. If your teen is wasting their money, you must resist the urge to bail out them. Instead of debating or arguing about it, talk to a few comforting, your fact. The only thing that you need for your child in this instance is the good guidance and compassion. To save would do them them a disservice. This is how the world works and you are responsible for ensuring that they learn this hard lesson now, and not when they are 30 years and challenging pay-off a mortgage.

The 10% rule: Many adolescents will not be able to save 10% of their earnings on their own, but with the help of your share, they will come to really appreciate the power of sacrifice for something greater. If possible, retain 10% of the earnings of your teen for her. To do so for a period of time until she is able to buy something of significant value. The purpose here is not necessarily teach investing, but the power of moderation!  This delayed gratification will print memorable and him well in the future.

Let go of expectations: How long did take learn you some lessons than your own parents strives to teach you? In my case, it took years!  When I was ready, I used what my mother taught me and still do today. Some children feel like they will be only be valued by their parents, when they do what their parents want, rather than having an intrinsic value in and of themselves. Young of this age will probably not share their feelings about it, so do what you can be aware of your own expectations. It can take years for your son/daughter to learn good money management.  Let go of any time-table pré-conçue.

The Tao of Papa


The top 3 ways to be a Mentor for your adolescent


The place to entertain, but helpful parenting advice for when you feel over-whelmed and advice to help you parent in ways that you can be proud of long term.

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How to Parent Your Defiant Teenagers

I know what you're going through and I know how you feel. You have defiant teenagers and you are trying to get them under control, but it feels like all of your efforts are useless and you are losing hope. You try being forceful and they push you away; you try to let them learn their own mistakes and they just fall into a deeper hole. You don't know what to do anymore and you want some kind of hope.

Well you're not alone. There are other parents just like you who are in the same situation. We all have problems every once in a while with our kids, it just depends on how we handle the situations. All defiant teenagers have their own reason for being rebellious, and we have to figure out what it is and go from there.

But for any parent, here are some techniques that you can apply right now:

1. Don't be afraid to discipline your defiant teenagers. You need to give them consequences for their negative action. If you don't, they start to think that they can get away with it, and that is the exact opposite of what we're trying to accomplish. They need to realize that they cannot get away with bad behavior, so consequences such as: No TV, no cell phone, no dance classes, or something that is a loss of privilege. Remember: You're defiant teenagers do not have rights, they have privileges and they can be taken from them at any time. You also want to make sure you give your reason as to why your disciplining your defiant teenagers. Let them know why they got in trouble.

2. Always remember to reward your defiant teenagers when they do something right. Consequences for negative actions; rewards for positive actions. If your kids know what is good and what is bad by the responses to those actions, then they will naturally go for the good things so they can receive an award. I know it sounds like they are relying on the rewards instead of the actual behavior, but you can eventually lean off the rewards and their actions will still be positive.

3. Stay calm. No matter what your defiant teenagers do, you must stay perfectly calm. If you show any sign of feeling out of control, then your children will think they have won. You have to stand up and (without yelling) show your authority. If they continue arguing and yelling at you, calmly take away a privilege for a day or two. If they can drive, take their car. You can take them to work if they really need it.

4. The phrase "Monkey See, Monkey Do" has a bigger meaning than we think. You have to be the example that you want your defiant teenagers to be. If they do not have something to look at and become, then they do not know how to change. You want change, but you have to show them what to change into as a person.

I hope you enjoyed my article and I hope everything goes well with you and your defiant teenager.

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Let Your Best Self Carry the Relationship Day!

You're going along hunky-dory through your day. You've had the occasional work-challenge: a co-worker who was late with their side of things, so you had to scramble. Your boss laid an unexpected deadline on you - yikes! - but you rose to the occasion and handled the situation with a good attitude.

And you were quite forgiving when the dry-cleaners mixed up your clothes with someone else's batch, and had to wait, twiddling your thumbs (cell battery dead, phooey), while they sorted it out. You even managed to keep your cool when your teenager reacted to your "No, you're not staying out past ten o'clock on a school night" by doing the "Oh Mom! You're sooooo unfair!" routine and slamming her door.

But when your spouse, beloved though he be, complains about having chicken for dinner yet another night, you lose it. You smack your dishtowel against the sink counter, and snap "With all I do for this family, you dare!! Make your own dinner, dammit!" and stalk out of the room, slamming your door.

Oh dear. He got the best of you. Literally! For the best of you is what you'd been all day: compassionate, kind, positive, patient, forgiving - forging ahead with a smile. With one little sentence, your mate defeated, overcame, trounced that which is your best self.

And you let him. Sorry. But that's the truth. Rather than pull yourself up by your mental bootstraps and put into context your husband's comment, you blindly reacted. You felt attacked, you kicked. Instead of doing what you'd done all day long: take a pause between whatever was in the way of your happy day before knee-jerk reacting to it.

That's really all it takes. A willingness to pause. When you feel stung by a complaint, an unfair request, whatever your spouse may say (usually not meaning any harm by it), take a moment to breathe. Just breathe, which will settle you down emotionally a little. Then think. Where is this comment coming from? Is it worth a full scale Terminator reaction?

He's bored of chicken. Maybe you are too. Maybe responding to his comment with humor would allow you to stay in your best self.

Maybe your husband longs for a good old-fashioned steak dinner - which you can't afford, so you get defensive. After all, you're doing your best to keep the family budget in line. Maybe agreeing with him (it won't kill you) that steak would be lovely would allow you to be your best self, even as you then brainstorm together solutions that would make the occasional steak possible.

It doesn't matter whether we're talking menu items or comments about your spending habits, child-rearing or sex life. Whatever it is, stay in your best self. Don't let anything or anyone beat that best self down.

Take a pause, a breath, step back from the immediacy of the sting, and respond from the compassionate, kind, positive, patient, forgiving, forging ahead with a smile, person that you really are. Your best self.

Noelle C. Nelson, Ph.D., is a relationship expert, popular speaker in the U.S. and abroad, and author of nine best-selling books, including her most recent, Your Man is Wonderful and Dangerous Relationships. Dr. Nelson focuses on how we can all enjoy happy, fulfilling lives while accomplishing great things in love, at home and at work, as we appreciate ourselves, our world and all others. Visit,

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Never Tell Your Children Anything That Limits Them

It is unlikely that by the end of the decade every teenager on this planet can get in touch with their magnificence and begin a process of shedding all the limitations they were marinated in throughout their early years, but the opportunity does exist. Now this isn't to take the responsibility away from the teenager, as he or she has chosen their own exploration of life. We do it for ourselves for the more joy we put out the more joyful life can be. On the other hand we see an environment in which our young are absorbing, the good and bad, the joyful and fearful. We add to it and improve it or allow it to be as it is. Children are left to interpret and form beliefs for themselves about everything from their health and intelligence to their security and freedom to the possibilities for their dreams or not. Lucky for us all, children are smarter than ever before and they are opening a new world without limits.

The expansion continues and the variety of possible choices is without end. You can enter from a position of royalty and be a brutal criminal or you can be born in a war torn society in abject poverty and find yourself on top of the world as a most loved and admired elegant entrepreneur. You can be born with life threatening diseases only to live a gold medalist dream. There are no limits on the variations of possibilities. We each can think greater than we did the day before. There are no ideas too big. Though the unfolding of human awareness is happening 'on schedule' we are now living in an era ripe for unimaginable jubilation and love and prosperous expansion.

Never before has there been such clarity of what is possible for the individual and the world at large. I heard it said 50 is the new 30 and that's an exciting idea born of the growing awareness that seeking greater happiness and joy produces greater life. Within the next 10-20 years there will be as much advancement in human self discovery and technological know-how to equal all previous discoveries made in all of recorded history. These advances will be staggering.

It is my contention that the root of this new growth period will be grounded in the understanding that children are only limited by the conditions and circumstances we place upon them and our relatively new understanding of the relationship between emotions and self esteem. Children begin their discoveries into a world far more advanced than their parents and they do it with less restrictive minds. Their ability to recognize the laws of the universe enables them to reach for greater possibilities. Few would argue that as people have gotten older their limiting beliefs have taken a toll. You would need to ask a million adults before you could find one who thought teleportation was a possibility. Teenagers on the other hand have far greater latitude.

The future is bright for everyone really, the best of all that is possible on earth is cause for great joy and it is in this condition we all can play a part in the nurturing of our children. As low as a teenager may experience life at times, he or she has the capacity to provide and grow a seed of joy. It is in this environment that happiness and joy manifest the opportunities, the situations, the circumstances and occurrences of the fulfillment of their desires.

There will be a day when the educational institutions will recognize their limiting effects on their students and transform so as to deliver on their promise to provide an environment in which all children can discover their true nature and live a full life of joy and satisfaction.

Leon Michael Cautillo, Author/Instructor

Come visit In Our Time and read 'A Global Vision'. If you enjoy the poster please consider purchasing it for display. You are invited to discover more about the magnificent and great possibility for mankind. Here you can find what there is to focus on that lifts the world and all its people to greater levels of happiness and joy.

'Vision to Reality' is powerfully designed for people of all ages to make the distinction between the greater self and the identity self. The purpose is to enable you to know yourself as your higher self knows you. This simple but powerful and fun program allows you to release the barriers to experiencing your desires just in the process of life itself. To learn more about this life altering program please visit

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Letting Your Rebellious Son Do His Thing

Anyone raising a boy needs to remember the toddler years when the word "no" was frequently uttered by your toddler boy. It was a natural and even expected part of that developmental stage.

Saying "no" in words and actions is also a normal part of your son's developmental stages as he ages. The "no" you hear now might be louder or seem a bit angrier, but pushing the boundaries is as normal with your now-older son as it was when he first was toddling about.

Maybe you are thinking that your son is pushing too many limits, reveling in his rebelling. What do you do? I suggest you give him the freedom he needs to discover his personality, intervening into life-threatening behavior. Otherwise, take a parent-as-coach approach with your son as he sails through some tough waters.

Here are a few things to keep in mind with your rebellious son:

1. Choose your battles.

I write about this frequently, but sometimes parents need a reminder. In your own mind, know what the real and absolute limits are for your son's behavior. If everything he does is wrong, soon he will know that you have no idea what are your true boundaries for him. Learn to pass on the trivial things. Hair length, clothing and music choices are among the items that you should pass on. His tastes will change as he grows older. In his own good time, he will most likely abandon things that are really foolish.

Be aware, too, that your sons go through hormonal swings and changes just as your daughters do. Adjusting to his new hormone levels and how they effect his mind and body will lead to erratic behavior. It is part of growing up.

2. Interfere with life-threatening activities.

Keep a close eye on his activities and get involved when know he is engaged in life-threatening behavior. Shoplifting, prescription-drug abuse, carrying genuine weapons and improper use of an automobile are a few of the areas where you will need to intervene. You might be screamed at when you step into a critical situation. Remember that yelling alone cannot hurt you and his biology makes him ready for a shouting match up if you give him one. A good rule about arguing is to remember that the louder your son becomes, the lower your vocal volume should go.

3. Is his behavior a veiled attempt to communicate?

In a boy whose brain is still forming, who does not yet have the verbal skills of an adult, rebellious behavior may be a cover for another need. Is that annoyed, defiant boy in front of you using anger or lethargy to cover for his pain? Ask him if you any suspicions. Has a love interest spurned him? Are his friends mistreating him? Is he struggling with a physical issue such as acne, headaches, depression or physical developmental delay? Ask the questions and wait for the answer, which may take days. If he knows you are open to non-judgmental discussion, he will most likely come around. Keep the door open and be sure he knows you are ready to listen and help.

If you have honestly and patiently tried to speak to your son and he will not communicate with you, help him find a strong mentor who can listen without judgment. A good mentor will alert you when an issue needs your attention.

4. Don't be concerned about the opinion of others.

As a parent, you need to do what is right for your children in your particular situation and circumstances. While you might seek the counsel of your own trusted mentors, the opinions of your extended family, in-laws, friends and church leaders really are not important. Do not sacrifice the mental health of your son by responding to what "they" think.

Likewise, if your son has moved from simple rebellion (that is, it just makes you uncomfortable) to life-threatening behavior, seek out professional help. Any simple article on the Internet (including this one) should substitute for professional or medical assistance.

You are not alone in your frustration with your son. Parents throughout history have struggled with the fun and frustration of raising a boy. Do not take his rebellion personally but consider this part of his life as a discovery journey.

For more information about issues with your son, please see the website at

Sean Buvala has worked with hundreds of families in his work in non-profit organizations. He is also the author of the book, "DaddyTeller," where he teaches parents to better bond with their kids and pass on family values via storytelling. There are plenty of free training videos at the website.

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Lose weight as a lazy teenager

Believe it or having a lie in a Saturday and Sunday morning could keep the problems of weight in the Bay.

A recent study found that adolescents who are delayed weekend are less likely to suffer from weight problems.

Researchers at the Chinese University of Hong Kong wanted to know if catch up sleep weekend helped children overcome the problems of weight. They questioned 5000 parents on their children eat, weight, lifestyle and habits of sleep. They found that the dormie average hours was more than 9 hours, but some of the children received less than 8 hours. After that factoring within hours, who was sleeping at the end of the week, they found that children who did not catch up with their sleep were more likely to have the largest jump.

The researchers concluded that additional hours in bed the weekend could be important to "reset" the child sleep patterns.

There are probably some out there that will support with this reports findings that the less time you spend wake up the less chance you have "raids on the refrigerator. But there are some scientific findings between sleep and your metabolism. The fewer hours that you sleep down your metabolism and you're inclined to eat more because you are awake for long hours.

So go easy on your young this weekend, that they could be good idea. But for those of you y are not so lucky to have children who are on (like mine) you partially fault them for your weight problems:.

If you want to learn more about how to achieve your weight loss goals, I invite you to visit now and check our extensive collection of advice from weight loss free, articles and advice and pick up a free copy of the "177 Easy ways to burn and reduce Calories."

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Married With Teenagers - Where Have All the Good Times Gone?

As with most new mothers, when my babies were babies, sex was a hard thing to fit in. The nursing, the crying, the pooping, the barfing, the nursing, the crying, the pooping, the barfing - it was a never-ending cycle of body and mind-usurping chaos. Add to this the burden of household chores and the responsibility of gainful employment, and one becomes the poster child for the movie "Night of the Living Dead".

Now, I've never actually fallen asleep during sex, but I've come pretty close. And I'm not sure I should mention this - I mean, it does seem to cross the line from acceptable to perverse - but I vaguely recall shoving a breast into my infant son's mouth while at the same time allowing my husband to "finish up" as it were. It was a last ditch effort to do two things: one, to stop the crying of a near hysterical baby, and two, to break a month long dry spell in the bedroom. What is it they say, desperate times call for desperate measures?

Sure, I've done the more traditional mother maneuvers as well, like I've traded romance for a good night's rest on many, many, many occasions. I've even stopped my husband mid-thrust to check if the baby was choking on his/her own saliva. Yes, I've mastered the art of putting my children before my husband, but as a mother, isn't that a prerequisite?

Despite it all however, as a couple, we managed to make it through the first few years of parenthood. And call me crazy, call me deliriously optimistic, but I thought that meant we were over the hump. Naively, I thought that meant our sex life was on the road to recovery forever and ever, amen. Certainly, we may have gotten back to normal (whatever that is) for a while - when our kids were between the ages of about four and twelve, when they went to bed early and actually slept through the night - but over the past few years, we have slowly slipped back into that pit of connubial frigidity. Regrettably, a life of solo showers and detached sleeping configurations has snuck up on us again.

In fact, when we do have sex now, we've taken to marking it on the calendar just to see how pathetic our situation really is. Yikes, it's once a week, twice if we're lucky. A couple of times, sex has even gotten pushed to once every fourteen days or so, and it is then that I can see the build up of semen clouding my husband's eyes. Masturbation, you say? Sorry, we don't have time for that either.

Nowadays, with the three kids aged fourteen, sixteen and eighteen, there is always something going on. When they were babies, it was feeding, diapers and colic. Now, it's relationships, school, sports, other extra curricular activities, and a shit load of hormones. If and when we do try to sneak away for a private moment, those demons of interference are on high alert. "Hey, where are you going? What are you doing?'

Just yesterday for instance, after a crazy month of only waving to each other in the halls, my husband and I decided enough was enough. At around 10:00 p.m., he called to me, "I'm going upstairs, dear..." which meant, "If you want my stump in your rump, you'd better get up here."

Enter our daughter fresh from the bathroom. Up to that point in the evening, we'd been watching television together and the show's not quite over. "Where are you going?" She is confused.

"I'm going upstairs."

"What for?"

"To spend some time with your father."

Like most fourteen-year-old girls, she's a little too precocious for her own good. "That's gross. Can't you guys at least wait until we are asleep?"

"What are you talking about?"

"We all know that you're going upstairs to have sex," she says smugly.

Too tired to argue, I reply, "But you guys NEVER go to sleep, so what other choice do we have?" I am angry now and something even more regrettable is about to come out of my mouth. I am about to pull the guilt card. "And if your father and I don't have sex, then we'll end up hating each other. And if we hate each other, then we might end up getting a divorce. You wouldn't want that, now would you?" Bad, bad mother, I know, but it was the truth. A marriage without sex - good sex - is no marriage at all, not as far as I'm concerned. As my grandmother used to say, "Sex is like air. It's not important unless you're not getting any."

So am I saying that we parents are doomed to a life without intimacy? No. Yes. Well maybe sometimes, though as long as we can share in this woebegone existence when it occurs, the "hardest job in the world" becomes slightly less torturous. Knowing you're not alone is half the battle, isn't it?

Copyright 2010 Amanda Fox

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