Argue With Your Teenager

Separation and divorce affects the whole family, including children and teenagers. They can uncertain as to what the future of living with one parent at the time will mean to their lives. They don't know any different as having both parents present and with the uncertainty of the future might act out more than usual. The following article will look at some possible reactions of children and teenagers and how you can support them through this period.

The age of the child

The reactions vary depending on the child's age. Very young children, below the age of three, will most likely not understand the situation to its full extent. They will go along with what is happening but will be strongly affected by disharmony or verbal aggression being displayed when they are around.

Self-blame and guilt

Children between three and five can grasp what a separation means. They are often fearful of not having the other parent around and will ask continuous questions like: 'Where is daddy?' or 'Why is mummy no longer living with us?' These children, as well as older ones, often unconsciously feel guilty and put the blame onto themselves for their parent's disagreements, arguing or separation.

Acting out to draw attention

It is common knowledge that children act out to get attention. Children older than six and younger than twelve can react very strongly as they are trying to figure out what this means to them. They can become moody or aggressive towards siblings or be overly fearful and clingy themselves. Sometimes even before the parents have spoken to the children, they will ask them questions about the topic of separation, unconsciously letting their parents know that they are ready to know something is going on.

Effect on school and social surrounding

Older children and teenagers can display unusual behaviour or start experiencing academic difficulties at school. The shock of their parents changed relationship status will affect their ability to concentrate, their belief in what relationship means and for some totally dispel the myth of what they thought their parents symbolized on various levels.

Taking sides

Depending on the way the separation is communicated to the children, they might take sides. It is of utmost importance that parents maintain a common front and explain that 'we have come to this decision together'. It is tempting to blame to other person when you are feeling hurt. Asking your child to choose between your partner and yourself is not doing any favors to your growing children.

Remember: Make sure that you adapt the suggestions above to your child's temperament and nature. Always keep your child's best interest as your highest priority and trust your own heart in choosing the right way.

Want to know more? Have a look at my blog.

Nathalie Himmelrich is the founder of 'Reach for the Sky Therapy' on Sydney's Northern Beaches and specialises in 'relationship related issues'. She is working with individuals and couples using techniques ranging from Counselling, Neuro Linguistic Programming to Journey Therapy. She supports clients in their personal growth in a supportive and professional environment.

Visit my website: http://www.reachforthesky.com.au or visit my blog: http://reachforthesky.wordpress.com and sign up for our newsletter today.

Over the last 25 years or so being a single parent has become more usual and acceptable to society. It is no longer frowned upon, in fact now days it is quite the opposite. Many people are inspired by how they are able to look after their children alone. Over this period of time more support structures have been put in place that have help the single parent to raise their family.

Often the results of being a single parent are due to 3 main factors which are death of a spouse, divorce or a teenage pregnancy

When a child is born out of wedlock it does not in anyway affect the parental status as proven by the statistics.

Over the past 20 years surveys have shown the number of single parent family households has nearly doubled. A census in America shown that 59% of children are at one stage live with a single parent. These stats are only an estimate. Recent figures shown that there are close to 12 million single parents who are raising their family alone in the US. Adding to that figure is that children under the age of 18 will live with either their mom or dad. Just over 80% of children who live with a single mother.

The families that are headed by a single women are more vulnerable, this is because of a number of reasons. The main one being that the women's social position in society is still weaker than that of the men. Not only do single mothers have to deal with the gender based limitations of gaining employment but also have to cope with a demanding family. This can cause a lot of pressure if she is provided with no support from external sources.

There had been policy proposals that were put in place for single parents to receive social benefits but these have been controversial. According to liberal individualist, if people choose to have children, they are responsible to look after them.

The collectivist position which dominates continental Europe holds that children are other people's business as well. This position also believes that the interest of the children is far greater than any concerns about the morality of the parents.

With people always looking for ways to cut money they often forget about the child's needs. And I'm not talking about the parent here. Being a single parent more financial support should be provided. Making sure a child grows up with the most care should always come first.

Aside from these economic realities, single parents also have to face the reality that children who live with single parents or even with a parent and step-parent, experience disadvantages in terms of psychological functioning, behavioral problems, education, and health.

Children with single parents are one and a half times likely to drop out of school and work in their early teens and twenties than children who grew up with two parents. Children with single parents are also twice as likely to have a child before the age of 20 as those raised in two-parent family.

Many psychologists and child development workers argue however that these studies are oversimplified and outdated. Many factors are involved in the psychological development of a child raised in a single parent home. Cooperation between divorced parents and quality of attention given to the child are examples.

No child in a single parent family is by default doomed for a maladjusted life. Single parents must model self-respect and self-nurturing to the children and establish a support system for the family.

Single parent surveys seem to suggest that children who live with a single parent will tend to not perform as will in their academic studies and will also receive less mental stimulation than those who live in two parent households. Personally I think the survey is false.

The best single parent advice on dealing with bringing your kids up alone would be not to be scared of asking for help from family and friends. Whether it be for babysitting or a hand in grocery shopping. I can understand that some single parents may not have this but do not let the pressure of parenthood get to you to much. There are lots of people and information out there that will help in providing advice on what you need. Single parents deserve our respect for being able to raise their child without a partner and should receive help in any form that they need.

If you are a single parent who would like to get more involved in the dating again then visit single parent personals [http://www.singleparentcenter.net/freesingleparentonlinedatingpersonals.html]. Another good resource we recommend for single parent dating is single parent dating services [http://www.singleparentcenter.net/freesingleparentonlinedatingservices.html].

The prevalence of drugs in our society can make very difficult parenting. Parents must set clear guidelines on alcohol and drugs for their children and apply them consistently. However, despite the efforts of parents, children will be often form their own opinions about drug use. Simply talk to your children and explaining your point of view are not enough seriously affect their decisions - good timing, tone and choice of words are crucial to guide the choice of your youth. Most of the children will always be their own opinion, but the good parental advice will help them to make healthy decisions educated about drugs and alcohol.

Parenting more common approaches to teenage drug use are:

1. No tolerance

Zero tolerance is one of the most popular drugs policies in the schools of the United States, the law enforcement and policy. Not surprisingly, parents in America also frequently promote this approach. However, these strict rules cause many adolescents to rebel. This is particularly true in cases where parents are claims exaggerated the dangers of drug use attempts to frighten their children away never try their.

These policies were not successful in preventing the consumption of drugs and drug addiction in the streets and in schools; You can even expect difficulties and reaction if you use on your teenagers. According to the Vice-President of the Cambridge School Board, the threat of sanctions is particularly ineffective to change or prevent adolescent behaviour. However, there is a fine line between tolerance zero and firm boundaries, in good health. Varus this line is crucial for parents raising children who are making decisions informed, rational drug.

2. The moderation and tolerance

Some parents - mostly those who have used drugs with abandon when they were young - tolerate the use of drugs and alcohol to their children up to a point. They often feel that allowing their children to acquire experience first-hand with these substances is a way more healthy to learn more about them to avoid simply total. However, many experts in addiction and other health professionals argue that "light" drugs tobacco and marijuana can lead to the use of substances such as cocaine and heroin "difficult".

These parents may also want to avoid the rebellion of the adolescents whose limits are too tight. They are reasoning that authorized moderate use is best possible drug and rebel abuses. In some cases, parents who tolerate the use of drugs may simply try to keep calm things at home by appeasing their desires children.

3 Guidance and understanding

As many parents trying to control the behaviour of their children, most of the teenagers will make their own opinion on the use of drugs. Parents can only positively influence their children - or negative - not control. In fact, attempts to control or strictly regulate the behaviour of adolescents typically the effect inverse and aggravate the.

In most families, the best way to deal with the disturbing prevalence of drugs in society is honesty. Parents should not exaggerate the dangers or try to scare their children away never try drugs. Despite rebel stereotypes, adolescents tend to make such honesty and transparency; the truth to your children can make a huge impact. They can always try drugs at some point, but they are less likely to become normal or drug-dependent users when they have the right information.

However, if you or your teen is struggling with drug addiction, use the links below for a free consultation. Learn how you can get some of the best treatment of drug dependence in the country. Your application is confidential and free of obligation. Drug addiction is a serious disease, to not wait - today get help.

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Do you feel that you may have an out of control teen? Is your teenager strong-willed, rebellious, disrespectful and defiant towards most everyone and everything? Are you at a loss for what you can do to stop this out of control behavior? Defiance is common in most teenagers. Most of the time they are just trying to establish their independence. While being independent is a good thing, defiance is not.

As a teenager my friends and I were considered out of control teens, so I remember how they feels. My parents didn't understand me or what I was going through. I now know that I was very normal and my parents did not realize that I was just fighting for my independence. My experiences have dramatically influenced how I now parent my own children.

Out of control teens can be helped. Some of the ways that you may be able to help include family or individual counseling, showing an interest in your child's activities, Talk about your expectations with your child. Remember to pick your battles. Don't judge everything your teen does. Look for the important things, and don't get upset and focus on the unimportant matters. It is very important let your child know that you are supportive and want to help.

There are signs that might indicate you have out of control teens on your hands. If your child is constantly losing their temper, regularly arguing with adults, Refusing to follow rules or comply with requests. Showing spitefulness and vindictiveness or is easily angered.

There are so many different reasons children become struggling out of control teens. There might be Conflict in the family or they may have witnessed family violence. They may have friends who abuse substances or engage in delinquent behavior. They may have a family history of mental disorders, addiction or problem behavior, or they may have experience a trauma in early childhood.

Parents often turn to the law for help with out of control teens. This approach usually back fires, and parents are left facing even bigger problems. The law is not a solution for out of control or troubled kids. Laws are made to punish, not to understand and help. Punishment only adds fuel to the fire. They have no concern for normal human behavior or raging hormones.

Out of control teens often say they want nothing to do with their parents. This is usually very far from the truth. Troubled teenagers often confide in there counselors that they don't get to spend enough time with their parents. Parents and their children need one-on-one time. Children require guidance and assistance and this remains imperative as they grow older. You need to identify what you are missing in your teen's life?

Educate yourself on out of control teens. Be willing to adapt your parenting style to what might possibly work better. Be willing to listen to someone who may be able to help. Remember, you can't control your teenager, but you can be a positive and powerful influence in their life. Do your part, be involved and show them the way.

Raising kids is harder than ever these days. Everyone needs a little help every now and then. Learn effective parenting tools so you can help your out of control teens solve their own problems and improve their behavior.

Who am I?

* You have a right to be YOU, you don't have to be a size 8 or have the perfect hair... You are beautiful in a way that know other person can be.

* You are here for YOUR JOURNEY, no one else's but YOURS!

Respecting Others

* Everyone such as yourself is on their own personal journey... respect that

* Respect other Cultures: Australia is now Multi-cultural, other nationalities can be seen everyday. We should be proud they chose our country to live, but also we don't know why they left their homeland. Maybe their country is not safe or they escaped poverty. Look at other countries and see how they live, and understand how lucky Australia is. We can go to the shop without dodging bullets, we have fresh water and we have government support.

* What someone else thinks of you is none of your business. REALLY who CARES!

* We are ALL unique. Accept others that may be different and hope they respect us in return.

The Journey

If I didn't travel this journey I wouldn't be the person I am today. Each time something doesn't work out I believe it wasn't meant happen this way. And I need to take another direction or path... This mightn't work for you but it does for me.

Look at life as YOUR Journey... - Kimi Alcott

Arguing and Anger

Don't get into arguments, they are a waste of time and energy. Anger is an internal killing machine. Anger does more damage to you than anyone else. Why do this to yourself? MOVE ON.

The Future

You can do whatever You want to do, be what You want to be, but You have to take the First Step.

* Talk to someone

* Contact services

* Move forward

* Do it for YOU

* Take Your Journey

http://enoughisenoughau.blogspot.com/2010/03/some-tips-for-teenagers-dealing-with.html

You will be surprised to hear that very few teenagers actually like to argue with their parents. It makes your teen feel unimportant and misunderstood.

Some teens will walk away from an argument throwing "You just don't understand!" your way, while others stubbornly keep trying to get you to hear what they are saying - and parent and teen wind up in a heated argument.

Arguments drive people apart, and you and your teen are no exception.

Why is it so easy to argue with a teenager?

Lack of expression - Due to the teen's lack of communication skills, their questions are easily perceived as criticism by parents - and we get defensive.

Desire to be independent - Teens want to be independent and have some input and control over their lives. They want to be able to make small decisions on their own, without the parent telling them how and when.

Curiosity - Teens are starting to get interested in life and what goes on around them. In their awkward way, they are attempting to get at the reason for our actions. They form opinions and wonder if our way is the only way.

Inflexibility - If your teen feels he is being controlled or pressured, he will either resort to stubbornly ignoring you and what you are saying, or he will argue.

In fact, your teen could get so focused on getting his way or to have his opinion heard, that nothing else will matter to him. For instance, repeatedly asking your teen to do his homework could result in him not doing his homework at all - and your teen will not consider how this will affect his grades.

A few simple steps to avoid this type of stubborn opposition:

Give your teen responsibility. Instead of arguing with your teen about homework, monitor his or her grades. Your teen may do surprisingly well. If not, you have a basis to sit down with your teen and discuss a plan on how to improve his or her grades.

Allow your teen to make decisions on matters you know he can handle. At the same time, let him know that you are ready and available if he needs help. Involving your teen in decisions about him does not take away a parent's power, but it shows your teen that you accept him as an individual and are ready to give him a chance.

Assign tasks, but step back and let your teen handle the details. There is a very good chance your teen will do the task differently than you would. For some parents it will not be easy at all to let the teen try it a different way when you know what works, but allow your teen to experiment.

Either you and your teenager will find that there is another way to come to the same result, or your teen will have to admit, after several wasted hours, that your way is the right way after all.

Some tips to avoid getting into heated arguments:

Don't allow your teen to get loud - Your teen needs to learn that not everybody has to think alike and that it is possible to discuss matters peacefully even if you don't share the same opinion.

You are in charge - Parents can end a conversation at any time and continue as soon as you both calmed down. Don't allow your teen to get rude.

Control your emotions - What your teen is saying might make absolutely no sense, lack any logic, or may be impossible. Don't let your emotions take over; stay calm, focused, and discuss facts.

Listen and ask questions - Restate what your teen is saying or asking to make sure you both are still on the same page. Find out where his or her opinion is coming from.

Once your teen feels that you are paying attention to what he or she is saying, whether you are validating it or not, they will no longer feel the need to argue in order to get their point across.

It also teaches your teen that he or she can indeed work with you through important life decisions. You will be surprised how quickly you will see a difference in the way you and your teen interact.

Christina Botto, author of Help Me With My Teenager - A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents that Workshas been involved with helping parents and teenagers resolve complicated issues for more than 14 years, observing and developing parenting strategies.

This article is available for reprint with author's resource box intact and all links live and clickable. Copyright is reserved by author.

Parenting your teenager doesn't have to be frustrating - visit Parenting A Teenager, where parents can find Christina's articles and book, news for Education K-12 and College, LIVE Counseling, and a variety of other tools and resources for parents of teenagers.

Even if they are looking for an argument or are being staunch about their request, do not fall into the trap of arguing with your teenager! Things will get out of control if we are not controlling ourselves and our parenting. And at the end of the day, whether we enjoy it or not, we are continually role-modelling good behaviour; the type of behaviour we want our children to emulate, especially later on when THEY become parents.

Ask that their perspective be a reasonable one! That after-all, is what they expect from us. We can not control the thoughts and actions of our troubled teens but we do have the right to expect a reasonable perspective with all our interaction. The skills they will require to develop this, they will learn as we guide and lead them with patience, love and mutual respect.

If their perspective is not reasonable and in fact is actually quite unreasonable, tell them you need time to think about what they have said because now we need to consider OUR perspective.

Do not lose your temper and start yelling when dealing with teenagers because more than likely your teenager is going to end up yelling back at you. Parenting teens requires us to be far more effective and responsible than that!

Look at getting back to them in the morning if communication between you is becoming strained. If we are struggling to control ourselves or if in fact we are actually instigating or encouraging the problem by being aggressive and defiant, it is imperative we remove ourselves from the situation and return when our emotions are under control. I'll even go so far as to say conversations with our teenagers will only get out of control if WE'RE not controlling ourselves.

Teens know how to push our buttons, although be aware that sometimes it's not intentional. Most teens in fact actually NEED us to be good examples and would be the first to be disappointed if we let them down with similar behaviour to their own; as unfair as that sounds! But they'll only push our buttons if we allow that to happen.

Remain calm as adults should do when having a difference of opinion with someone. This is the only way to settle any potentially volatile situation.

Our teens have enough pressure, frustration and communication issues at school and with their peers. Teenage-hood is fraught with stress (at school, with friends), melodrama and some unhealthy habits (poor diet, smoking, drugs and alcohol).

Make home a place where they know how things are and why! It's a place where there's a lot of love, support and rewards. Consistency and lots of fun will help get you through their teenage-hood.

We need to make our teen's life a whole lot better by showing them that we care a great deal about them, and providing a warm, loving respectful home. If we can try hard to minimize the stresses and anxiety in their lives, this will greatly contribute towards alleviating the home of unwanted tension and problems.

The less tension and problems in our teenager's life, the less reason they have to argue, struggle and fight with us. And that's got to be a good thing!

Gail Taitoko is an experienced school teacher of 20years, mother of 5 awesome adult children and currently teaches/manages a youth training programme for early high school leavers. Find some helpful tips on confidently parenting your teens at:

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