Don't Argue When Dealing With Teenagers!

Even if they are looking for an argument or are being staunch about their request, do not fall into the trap of arguing with your teenager! Things will get out of control if we are not controlling ourselves and our parenting. And at the end of the day, whether we enjoy it or not, we are continually role-modelling good behaviour; the type of behaviour we want our children to emulate, especially later on when THEY become parents.

Ask that their perspective be a reasonable one! That after-all, is what they expect from us. We can not control the thoughts and actions of our troubled teens but we do have the right to expect a reasonable perspective with all our interaction. The skills they will require to develop this, they will learn as we guide and lead them with patience, love and mutual respect.

If their perspective is not reasonable and in fact is actually quite unreasonable, tell them you need time to think about what they have said because now we need to consider OUR perspective.

Do not lose your temper and start yelling when dealing with teenagers because more than likely your teenager is going to end up yelling back at you. Parenting teens requires us to be far more effective and responsible than that!

Look at getting back to them in the morning if communication between you is becoming strained. If we are struggling to control ourselves or if in fact we are actually instigating or encouraging the problem by being aggressive and defiant, it is imperative we remove ourselves from the situation and return when our emotions are under control. I'll even go so far as to say conversations with our teenagers will only get out of control if WE'RE not controlling ourselves.

Teens know how to push our buttons, although be aware that sometimes it's not intentional. Most teens in fact actually NEED us to be good examples and would be the first to be disappointed if we let them down with similar behaviour to their own; as unfair as that sounds! But they'll only push our buttons if we allow that to happen.

Remain calm as adults should do when having a difference of opinion with someone. This is the only way to settle any potentially volatile situation.

Our teens have enough pressure, frustration and communication issues at school and with their peers. Teenage-hood is fraught with stress (at school, with friends), melodrama and some unhealthy habits (poor diet, smoking, drugs and alcohol).

Make home a place where they know how things are and why! It's a place where there's a lot of love, support and rewards. Consistency and lots of fun will help get you through their teenage-hood.

We need to make our teen's life a whole lot better by showing them that we care a great deal about them, and providing a warm, loving respectful home. If we can try hard to minimize the stresses and anxiety in their lives, this will greatly contribute towards alleviating the home of unwanted tension and problems.

The less tension and problems in our teenager's life, the less reason they have to argue, struggle and fight with us. And that's got to be a good thing!

Gail Taitoko is an experienced school teacher of 20years, mother of 5 awesome adult children and currently teaches/manages a youth training programme for early high school leavers. Find some helpful tips on confidently parenting your teens at:


  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • RSS


Post a Comment