How to keep the children of the effigy

Lying is something that comes naturally to children. It is our job as adults and parents learn that it is wrong. This article suggests advice on how to parent and ways to help keep your children to lie.

We searched and searched and cannot find a single adult who never told a lie as a child. In fact we cant' find adults who are now. Is not relevant to parents how thwarted when children have not mastered a virtue, they have not mastered themselves?

We do not make this point to justify a lie, but to show that the children are not defective or immoral. We need to face the child reasons lie until we can help you to renounce their need to lie. Usually children for the same reasons adults lie, they feel trapped, afraid of punishment or rejection, feel threatened or think lying will facilitate things for everyone.

Often lying is a sign of low self-esteem. People think that they need to be better because they do not know that they are quite good as they are.


1 Stop to ask questions of implementation in place that lie to invite. A question of setting is one that you already know the answer. "A clean your room." Instead say: "I noticed that you did not clean your room." "If you want to work on a plan to clean up?"

2 Focus on solutions to the problems instead of blame. "That we should". "to get the tasks" instead of, "did you do your chores."

3 Be honest yourself. Say, "which is not like me the truth." Most of us do not say the truth when we feel trapped, afraid or threatened in any way. Why do launch us some time ago now? Later I will be available if you would like to share with me what is happening for you. »

4 Respect the privacy of your children when they do not want to share with you.

Plan avoid the problems of the future

1 Child support believe that mistakes are opportunities to learn so they will not believe that they are wrong and must cover their mistakes.

2 Set the example by telling the truth. Share with your children time when it was difficult for you to tell the truth, but you decided that it was more important to live the consequences and to maintain your sense of self. Be sure it's honest sharing instead of a Conference.

3 Allow children know that they are loved unconditionally. Many children are because they are afraid that the truth will disappoint their parents. Show appreciation. "Thank you for telling the truth." I know it's difficult. I admire the way you are ready to deal only with the consequences and I know you can manipulate and learn from them. »

4 Stop trying to control children. Many children are so they can find who they are and do what they want to do. At the same time, they are trying to please their parents by making them think that they are doing what they are supposed to do.

Child life skills can learn

Children can learn that it is safe to say the truth in their family. Even when they forget that are reminded with gentleness and love. They learn that their parents worry about their fears and false beliefs and will help them overcome.
Parenting pointers

1 Many children lie to protect themselves against the judgment and criticism, because when believe adults say they are bad. Of course, they want to avoid this kind of pain.

2 Remember that your child is now is not that your child will be forever. If your child tells a lie, do respond to the behavior by calling your child a liar.

3 Focus on the establishment of proximity and trust in the relationship rather than on the problem of behaviour. It is generally the fastest way to reduce the behaviour that you find objectionable.

Makeup thoughts

My son was suspended from the school. This is its history, "I found cigarettes in my locker." I don't know how they will y. I am just putting in my Pocket taken key when a teacher took me to the Director. »

My thoughts went crazy for a few minutes. "He is lying about us." I am a failure as a mother. It goes to the ruin of his life. What people think? »

I felt quite upset, so my compass sense let me know that I was caught in my system of thought and that it was not clearly see things. I rejected my compass instead my thoughts for a minute and used thoughts more than argue with my inner wisdom.

"Yes, but it's different." It's really terrible circumstances on which I have no control. That how I can possibly see the differently? I am going to reprimand him severely, "Ground" at least one month, remove all privileges and be informed that he is ruined his life. »

Fortunately, I too had faith in my inner wisdom to the seriousness of these thoughts. I rejected my mad thought and the inspiration of my inner wisdom quickly resurfaced.

I can in the circumstances of a completely different and felt of understanding and compassion for the situation to my son. He entered just junior high school, where the pressure is huge to follow the crowd instead of following common sense.

When I got home I listened my inspiration and know what to do. Sitting with my son, put my arm autour him and said, "I bet it's hard to try to find a way to say no to your friends, you Won't be called a nerd or a party pooper.". He was expecting my usual madness and knew how to react to my mental health.

He tentatively said, "Yeah." I went. "And I bet the only reason that you would never lie to us is that you love us as long as you do not want to disappoint us." His eyes filled with tears, and he gave me a hug.

I responded with tears in my eyes that we had these wonderful feelings of mutual love. I reassured him, "If you think that you could never disappoint us enough to decrease our love, then we do not do a fairly good job you let know how much we love you, without condition.".

We can only guess what the result would have been had I followed my mad interact mind my son thought. My guess is that my insanity would inspired a rebellion instead of increased proximity.

Since 1979, Dr. Jane Nelsen has shown of the more than 2 million parents and educators how to use Positive Discipline at the end of the struggles of power and to build more positive and healthy relationships. She likes to teach effective and practical has been How many of parent.

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