Argue With Your Teenager

Open communication between parents and their teenage children is essential. But it should be the kind of communication that is not judgmental or advice-oriented. Instead, it should encourage teens to talk more and, in doing so, reveal the way they see themselves and their place in the world. This approach allows you to gain valuable insight into the identity that is developing within your teenager.

Of course, you must still impose certain limits on your child, and communicate your expectations, but if this is done effectively earlier on, beginning at the age of three, it becomes less critical during adolescence. Still, it is not really possible to avoid all conflict with teens, so don't think your family is abnormal or "dysfunctional" if you find yourself in a position of being the family "cop" at times. That will still leave plenty of opportunities for the kind of communication that will give you a window onto your teen's developing identity.

If you had a typical adolescence, you probably remember one or both of your parents questioning your actions and decisions. Maybe this happened often, or maybe just occasionally. How did you react to it? If you didn't mind being questioned, chances are that your parents questioned you responsibly, and that you realize that they were right to do so, even if you didn't want to admit it. On the other hand, if you resented the questioning, closed down, or even blew up whenever it came to having a dialogue with your parents, chance are that your parents either asked the wrong questions or asked the right questions in the wrong way.

Teenagers love to argue-so much that you might come to think of this as an innate part of their development, just as infants gurgle and toddlers invent playmates. Teens like to question adults about their values, and they like to test limits. This does not necessarily mean that they do not respect the adults they question, or that they reject their values. On the contrary, it is probably a sign of healthy parent-teen relationship that this questioning is taking place. In an unhealthy relationship, the teen simply becomes alienated from the parent. There is no arguing, no testing, and no real communication of any kind.

Why do teenagers love to argue? First, they get a sense of themselves as independently functioning human beings. By arguing, they show that they are no longer children. Second, they use their argumentativeness to work out their own values and identity.

Are you having difficulty communicating with your troubled teen? Come and visit Eckerd Academy, we have therapeutic boarding schools for boys as well as boarding schools for troubled girls.

When did Smacking become a dirty word?

This is the biggest - and unkindest - myth propagated yet on our generation. A quick sharp smack on the hand has worked for generations and still works for people who are brave enough to do it.

I would argue that a quick comparison between previous generations that used the smack and the current generation quickly reveals the fallacy of that argument. Our parents' generation turned out with ethics, morals, manners and a commonsense approach to life whereas this current generation has, by and large, dubious moral values, few manners and a big sense of entitlement. Of course I am generalising. There are modern families out there doing a fabulous job of raising their children to be moral and polite - kudos to them!

But by and large, parents have been failed by all the advice given by modern 'experts'. The smacking myth has done the most harm for several reasons:

(1) It lead to parents not disciplining their children until children were old enough to understand what parents were explaining. In the old days, parents started training their children before they could walk and children already had a basic grounding in manners and obedience by the time they started school!
(2) parents started waffling instead of disciplining. They warn, threaten and reading, instead. The result of this approach was that children started to take their parents less seriously. This led to less respect and awe, vital ingredients in being successful parents of teens.
(3) parents discovered that timeouts and other methods were ineffectual and became very frustrated. The result of this was a lot more anger in the home and thus the potential for explosive situations went right up.

The Arguments Against Smacking

Organizations make big outcries on a regular basis about the need to outlaw physical discipline because of the link to child abuse and violence, but there is very little hard evidence to support their claim. The research they quote never looks at smacking in isolation, but instead groups it with all forms of punitive punishment, including whipping. It is hardly surprising that the results of such studies are negative.

Smacking leads to child abuse and fatalities if parents are dealing with other issues such as poor parenting skills, drugs, alcohol or other deep seated issues. For instance, recent Australian research has found that the typical child murderer is a young man in a de facto relationship with the victim's mother. These are not cases of normal parents losing control.

In fact, I would argue that modern parenting styles actually make it more likely that parents will be driven to anger and frustration and lash out. For instance, in the year after smacking was outlawed in Sweden, child abuse cases rose by nearly 50%. A 2003 UNICEF study report on abuse-related deaths showed that four of the five countries with the lowest child abuse death rates allowed smacking.

Normal well adjusted parents know where to draw the line. They are not trying to hurt their child when they discipline them. If we demystified smacking again and taught parents once again to use smacking as the 'first line of defence' instead of the last resort, they would be able to regain control of their family - and themselves - again. It would be seen again as a training tool instead of a punishment.

The case for smacking

A smack has remained popular for so many generations because it is tried and true. A parent has to react rapidement to successfully correct a child, and using a smack as discipline allows them to do so. No thinking about appropriate consequences, what did I do last time, did I use the same punishment for their sister, how long should it be for? Just a quick, immediate consequence that lets them know 'wrong choice'.

For when you remove smacking as a discipline tool, what are you left with? Talking and weak consequences. The fact that parents are still dealing out 'consequences' well into their children's teen years is proof that this approach doesn't work well.

A child who is disciplined consistently and calmly from an early age should have well and truly learned his boundaries and rules of behaviour by the time he is 12. A well disciplined child would not dream of being disrespectful to his parents because the rules of behaviour are deeply entrenched after 12 years of training.

Parents can't effectively manage teenagers with physical discipline or even consequences. The basis of their control has to come from the awe and respect children hold for their parents. This is a rare thing today because awe and respect comes from seeing parents in control of their emotions, seeing parents as authority figures who always know what to do, seeing parents as all-knowing and all-wise, seeing parents as the source of laughter, fun, care - and consistent discipline. Modern parenting advice has successfully torpedoed a lot of those opportunities for developing awe and respect.

So what is the solution?

If your child is still a toddler, it is very simple.
(1) Resolve to never lose your cool again when correcting your children. Become a good actor if you have to.
(2) Resolve to use smacking as a first resort, not the last. Tell a child to do something once and only once, whether he is 9 months old (obviously have appropriate expectations.) At 9 months, all you are trying to teach is usually ' No, don 't touch', etc.) or 9 years. Then calmly go over, repeat 'no' and smack their hand. The smack should only be strong enough to sting for about 3-5 seconds.
(3) Do not explain, argue or reason with your children. They've either heard it all before, anyway, or are too young to understand.
(4) Be consistent! This is a very important rule as it is fundamental to teaching your children their boundaries. If you decide you are going to warn once and then smack, always do that. If you don't want to use a smack, it is still vital to be consistent.

If your child is school aged or older:
(1) If your children are school aged or over, it is too late to introduce smacking as a discipline tool. However, many of the same rules apply. Choose a couple of consequences that will cause discomfort and be consistent. It is important to find consequences that will be uncomfortable enough to act as a deterrent; otherwise, the lesson will never be learnt.
(2) Write up a chart and group behaviours which will receive the same consequence. This is as much a reminder for you as your child.
(3) If your teen tries to argue with you or is disrespectful, send them to the toilet for a timeout. Sounds funny, I know, but it is effective because a) it removes them from the scene so neither of you can get upset, and b) it is so boring that they quickly calm down. Don't allow them to come out until they are calm, apologise and get on with the job given.

Whatever form of discipline you choose, remember that children need to perceive that their parents are in control of their own emotions and impulses. That means, self discipline is even more important than what method of discipline you choose to use.

Do you wish parenting wasn't so difficult? It doesn't have to be! There are 5 key principles that you just have to master in order to raise a well adjusted family with a minimum of stress. Read more articles on these principles at 5 Keys Parenting.

It is sad to think the young celebrities who have recently made headlines because of their drugs and the abuse of alcohol, the adverbial antics and lack of respect for the company. They tend to blame those around them and the system of justice because they faced imprisonment or ordered into rehabilitation. It seems fairly clear that these people have not been held accountable for their actions for so long that they have begun to believe that they have the right to do what he pleases.

I was part of discussions where some people accuse the adolescent or young adult of their choice then that other officials permissiveness that they gave their children since birth, parents. It is difficult to find where the problem because sometimes difficult adolescence are large houses large adolescents can come from troubled homes. And we know all the families with several children, of whom each is totally different from the other despite the environnement share. Some things are just a mystery! There are three attitudes have become very frequent in the last years of our society which I think have interfered with the development of what could be parent-child relationships in good health for some.

The first is that many parents want to be "friends" with their child or children. Over the years, some women have told me that they had a child because they felt loved, rejected or lonely and thought that a child would fill the needs that the adults do not have satisfied for them in the past. Other parents have the idea that a child is like a beautiful doll they can place it on a tray to admire and then back to dress and to show family and friends. Still others deal with their children and friends who want to not upset or lose.

Children rarely meet the deepest needs of the parent and even if they do, an unhealthy situation may result. When a parent imposes the need to be "friends" over the need for parent of the child in a responsible manner, the whole dynamic is affected. God placed the children for children's needs will be met by parents - not the other way around. Second, the youth of today seem to have a notion of "ours". They think that what belongs to the parent company is "ours". I remember a friend of my son who was sought for a car and argued: "but Dad, we are rich." His father response was "no son, I am rich." You're poor. »

When children think that they have to work for nothing, they are not motivated to develop skills, use creativity to make discretionary money for their "desires" or plan a career that will enhance their future. Several times, I see the anguish of parents with adult children still living at home because they do not believe that they need to develop independence in good health. Some have careers where they actually earn more than the parents enjoyed but "free support" not only for themselves but sometimes even for their partners and their children. Third, sometimes children have a sense of "right" where they think that the world owes not only life, but a luxurious way of life. Their mentality is that they deserve respect but that they do not have to give or to win it. If the application to simple household tasks they say that it is their house and parents do not have the right to ask to clean up. Teachers who give low marks for poor quality work are criticized by the child as being "incompetent" or "unfair". When they arrive in a courtroom for breaking the law, adolescents are dismayed the nerve of the police or the judge for the cause of the problems for them.

Often the parents ask advice on raising their troubled teens, and I tell them that it is perfectly acceptable and necessary to have and to enforce family rules that teach responsibility in a healthy manner. It will not harm a child to take a part-time job as long as it doesn't interfere with the work of the school (which is the primary child "job"). Seeking to be "friend" your child will interfere with your ability to parent properly and, as a child model, you will need to demonstrate consistency, maturity and responsibility that you want to emulate. Finally, if the child or the young person does not comply, take account of what is done when a country invades another. The first task is to "bomb supply. Allowances, cell phones and computers are not a "rite of passage" and can be removed to children or adolescents are not what is expected of them.

"" It is not easy to raise children and adolescents - especially if you did not previously or had training and is not an exact formula to ensure that a child "will reveal" well. However, there are techniques and guidelines that will help the task of raising healthy, responsible children.

If you are struggling in the area of parenting, talk with a psychologist might help to get things on track for you and your family. And remember, it is not the weakness to ask for help - it is a weakness not way to ask!

And now, I would like to invite you to claim your free instant access to a complementary list of 10 steps to make your life an adventure when you visit http://www.lindahancockspeaks.com

Dr. Linda Hancock, psychologist, registered and registered Social worker

When the marriage goes sour and divorce is the only solution, your children will be affected. However, there may be issues that affect youth more than young children. Adolescents are almost adult and already to form their own opinion on life, including family values. One of the most critical moments in their lives comes when their parents divorce. What problems face teenagers when their parents make the decision to obtain a divorce.

Your teen will want to take sides - you must realize that your teen is a young adult and can talk about why you get a divorce. You need to understand your teen that you tried to do everything to stay together. A young person can about a parent, and it is all very well if the other parent can see no remorse to the child.
Will become angry with your decision - if your marriage has finally reached the end then that probably you may already noticed a change in your attitude teenagers way prior to your decision to divorce.
Depression or withdrawal of two parents - you may notice your child being pressed all to avoid now two parents. This reaction that you may notice.
Start with the bad crowd - adolescents could begin to drag with different friends, of drugs or drink alcohol. Even some adolescents become extremely sexually active do not worry about who they do it with. Be aware of changes in mood and talk to your children, explaining that two will be happier.
Sometimes teenagers even more do their parents - that your teen may have a reaction is a complete different loving attitude. In some cases, teens can become more accountable, especially if younger children are involved.
Area of new housing and new - after the divorce, they may have faced new medium, such as a different House, even a different location. This is where you can help a parent by the divorce of planning during the summer months. Using this help your changes to child in their lives, while not in school, this can help to adapt to change also.
Above all, be at peace with your ADO - above all other things, you should make a truce with your spouse, to show your teen that this can be done quietly without fighting or arguing. Showing them that you are acting as for adults, the child will see that both parents will be happy and can move their lives.

Parents divorce can be one of the most traumatic moments in the life of your teen. Issues of divorce involving your children can also be helped by a professional advisor. Advisors can help your teen to this type of change in lives. For more information on the issues of the parents, visit adolescent Parenting today enumerated below.

Jerry Standefer is a parent who raised teenagers, his ambition was to help other parents who could need advice raise their teens. Jerry site visit Parenting today youth and sign up for his free report on rearing teenagers. His friend Norbert Georget wrote a book entitled "No-nonsense Parenting today the young person" which I highly recommend!

I understand that the Acronym for P.D.D. is already taken for Pervasive Developmental Disorders, but I believe it should have stood for Parental Dysfunction Disorder.  What IS Parental Dysfunction Disorder?  It's parenting with dysfunction which creates disobedience disorders in children.  You tell me if you think this is based on theory.

The parent who argues with their children, tells them what to do in angry tones and threatens them without teaching or explaining to the child why it's important, safe, or mature to obey have P.D.D.   This parenting method will bring rebellion into any child's heart and it will become a matter of who has more control in the teen years. 

Parents learn discipline from their parents so behaviors are passed down generationally and these behaviors are usually blind spots.  Those who do not learn better ways to parent will repeat the patterns in similar ways.  

Parents who insist that their child "isn't listening" need to understand one very important point; your child is listening to every word you say but they are not obeying you because your own rebellious spirit hasn't learned to obey.  It's like telling a child not to smoke while you have a cigarette butt hanging out of your mouth.  Teaching your child how to obey and how to make good choices starts by you teaching in a calm loving way what a choice is that leads to obedience.  

Perhaps you are getting spun up by reading this article because you believe kids are to be told what to do and should only be seen not heard.  That's one perspective, then there is the one of choice.  What is right for me may not be right for you, but the question is, what is right for your child?

Below are two examples of choices you can say calmly and lovingly before an argument breaks out and you can use these in any given situation: 

For Toddlers or older:  "You have a choice;  A - either you can obey me and come sit down to eat your food, or B - you can sit in a time out first and then come to the table.  Which would you prefer?"  Give them time to think and respond.  If they chose B, then follow through with the consequence according to their age (a 2-year-old would have a 2 minute time out, where a 10-year-old would have 10 minutes).  Develop a 'time out spot' in your home and keep bringing them back to that spot if they get up over and over.  Every time they get up their time must start all over again. When they finish the time required you ask them if they are sorry for disobeying and give them a hug.  Situation resolved.

For Teenagers:  "You have a choice;  A - You can come in by 11:00 pm tonight and we'll gladly help pay for your car insurance, or B - you can come in at 1 am but your car will remain in the driveway on cylinder blocks until you learn to abide by the 11:00 pm curfiew." Follow through with this if you have said you would do it.  Be a person of integrity so your child can be one also.

In these examples there is no arguing, no unloving yelling, no fearful threats being perpetrated against the child, and a choice was given for them to be accountable and responsible.  If they make the right decision, you acknowledge them with a hug, a pat on the back or verbally saying, "Nice job on making a good decision."  Acknowledge yourself for making the right choice to discipline with love.

Help them learn to think for themselves by giving them a choice so they learn to do the right thing before you go into combat.  Being consistent is key.  This becomes a win-win for everyone in the home.

Would you like to know more about parenting skills to preserve your relationships? Learn from Coaching Expert Kellie Frazier, CEO of Connecting LLC.

Receive free PDF's today by joining the on-line Connecting Community at http://www.kelliefrazier.com You will also have access to free conference calls to help answer your questions about connecting to others in ways you haven't before.

At every stage of development, children thrive when their parents listen to their ideas about what they want even if those ideas are very different from parents' wishes for their children. When you consider and take your child's perspective seriously, you are giving your child a gift of respecting their growing unique individual selves. This doesn't mean you have to agree or say yes, but you do need to express your understanding of what your child wishes. When you are able to consider that your child is not talking back, but may be asserting his developing self, you will be providing your child with the foundation for developing self confidence and self esteem. Differences create much less distance between parent and child when they are acknowledged and respected.

As I was thinking about a number of patients I see in psychotherapy whose parents had trouble distinguishing between talking back and self assertion, I recalled a television show I saw recently. In that show, a six year old sitting at the dinner table with her parents suddenly announced she was a vegetarian. At first, the parents dismissed her claims and tried to insist she eat the meat in front of her. She stubbornly refused. They argued with her a little and then they ultimately respected her wishes. In the next scene the grandparents came to babysit while the parents went out. Grandma brought her granddaughter's favorite meal which contained meat. The child stubbornly refused. Grandpa insisted. The child refused. Grandma insisted, more refusal. Grandpa said "You will sit at this table until you eat your dinner." Was the six year old talking back or asserting herself? The parents' eventual response to their daughter's announcement suggests they might answer that she was asserting herself. The grandparents, who ended up in a power struggle with their grandchild, would probably say she was talking back.

When our children say "no" to us, or when they ask us for things that we are inclined to say "no" to, we respond not only based on what our heads tell us. We have feelings about their differing wishes and perspectives. When our children assert themselves or oppose us in this way, it is useful to ask ourselves "what am I feeling and why am I feeling it?" We can then look at our feeling responses as information that can help guide our behavior. For example, the grandparents in the television show might have been feeling "how hurtful this child is, rejecting this meal that grandma made especially for her." They may have felt disrespected. It isn't unusual for adults to feel that they should be completely in charge of their children. When a parent feels disrespected, he is likely to feel hurt and angry. In such a feeling state, it would seem to make sense to immediately say "NO" to the child's wishes. But if we stop and look at our feelings, we could notice that we are hurt and angry and that we are expressing our feelings in the "NO". If we pay attention to our feelings before we go into action, we could be in a better position to think about what we want to do.

If grandpa could think about his granddaughter's wishes, he might be able to consider that she is trying on her own new way of being in the world. She is communicating "I am an individual who is different from my family." She is testing, "will I be allowed to be separate?" This perspective on the child's behavior is very different than viewing her as simply a talking back, ungrateful, stubborn child. The parents of this child also had negative feelings about the child's desire to be a vegetarian. They said "No" but they reconsidered. If we imagine what they might have been feeling, we could consider that they might have felt opposed and threatened. They are the parents and parents are in charge, aren't they? They might have felt confused by their child taking on such an assertive role and asking for something different from the family's usual behaviors. They may have felt burdened by the idea they would now have to cook a separate meal. Whatever they felt, they obviously thought about their response. Perhaps they recognized their daughter's attempt to become a more separate individuated self.

If we ask the question "what am I feeling when my child asserts herself against my parental opinions and authority?" we can often avoid power struggles and tensions with our children. We can ask ourselves questions like: "What makes what our child wants wrong or disrespectful?" "Are children always supposed to go along with what parents want?" "What is going on with my child that she is responding this way?" "Why is it better for my child to wear my choice of clothes?" "Am I trying to avoid feeling embarrassed by my child?" "Why should I force my child to go to the park, or on a play date or to a party when he doesn't want to go?" "Why should I insist my child go to sleep-away camp even if he says he is scared?"

There are no right and wrong answers to these questions. These questions help us to not simply react. It is the parent's job to determine which of his child's demands the parent should be in charge of. For example, if the child refuses to go to the park and the parent thinks it is best the child be active or have fresh air, the parent may decide this is not a decision that is up to the child. But it is always important when the child says "no" that you get more information. Suppose it turns out that the child who refuses to go to the playground is being bullied by the older kids. If the parent can get the child to tell them this information, it changes the situation. The parent can then find a different playground, or help the child with the bullying or find some other way to address the problem. If the parent talks with the child or tries to discover what the problem is for the child and finds no good reason for the child to stay at home, then the parent says "no". It is most important that the parent, when dealing with their child who is trying to separate and individuate, talk with their child, listen and consider what the child has to say.

As part of every child's normal development, after the infant emerges from the very special

closeness (symbiosis) with mother, the processes of separation and individuation begin. The process of individuation includes the child's exploration and experimentation with who he is and who he is becoming. As early as two or three, children begin to express their "no" emphatically and loudly. This is important in the development of self. For the young child, saying "no" is one of the earliest signs of individuation. It is a statement that I am separate from you and want something different. When the child can say "no" she is preparing her self to say "yes". Saying "yes" is an assertion of the developing self. "Yes" is an announcement of who I am (or who I am becoming) and what I want.

While the Individuation process is typically described as belonging to the early years of development, the process continues well into adulthood. It is often a surprise for the parents of adolescents to find they are dealing with the same issues with their 13 or 16 year old that they faced when their child was two or three. The opposition, the tantrums, the stubbornness of the three year old, frequently returns during the teen years. The fights, the silent anger, the "you just don't get it" feelings that adolescents express, are the continuation of the process of Individuation: the creation of the unique individual self.

Adolescents present parents with the same problems that younger children do as they continue discovering who they are and what they want. But because teenagers need to be given more room to experiment with their selves, parents have a more difficult job of determining where and when to set limits. With adolescents the issue is more complicated. The dilemma is that adolescents need to develop more control over their lives, but they are more at risk with the wide range of possibilities available to them. It is difficult for parents to figure out in what areas teenagers can be given more autonomy over their lives. No one would suggest parents give up limits around things like alcohol and drugs. But what do you do when you don't like your child's friend? How do you respond to curfews, borrowing the car, requests for birth control? If you want to avoid power struggles, you do the best you can to TALK and LISTEN to your adolescent. You also continue the process of examining what you are feeling about your child's demands and requests. For example, is your adolescent's friend making you uncomfortable because he is different from you and your family, or is this friend someone who you know is getting into trouble, sexually promiscuous, or getting into fights? It is always important to know what your feelings are before you figure out how you want to respond to your child. The important thing is to talk with your child and respond with more than a "NO" or "because I said so."

Helping our children to become self confident individuals requires that we talk with our children. We try to listen, hear and consider what our children are saying. This means that parents need to explore what children's "no's" are about. Why is the child saying no? What would the problem be for the child if she said yes? What would the problem be for the parent if he said yes to the child? When you work with your children to try and understand their point of view, they are more likely to be interested in hearing and considering your opinion. This talking will help your children to experience you as interested in them as individuals and they will be less likely to experience your ideas and decisions as arbitrary. This doesn't mean there will always be agreement between parent and child. The same way that couples ideally try and understand each other's points of view and put themselves in the other persons shoes, parents and children, and especially adolescents, have closer and more loving relationships when they develop the capacity to be curious about the other person's experience.

©Copyright 2011 by Beverly Amsel, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved

I have been a psychotherapist in private practice on the upper west side of Manhattan for over 25 years. I work with older adolescents and with adults individually and in couples therapy and marriage counseling. I work with a wide range of issues including, but not limited to, anxiety, depression, problems about intimacy and developing long-term relationships, separation anxiety, parenting, creative blocks, and family and work conflicts. I specialize in working with young adults who have difficulties transitioning into adulthood and with parents who struggle with the separation and individuation of their children

Although the idea of starting therapy can be scary, it can also be exciting. Therapy is a process of self discovery which can help you create the life and relationships that really work. It is a process where I help you to talk and learn about your thoughts and feelings. As we focus on the issues you bring to therapy, our talks will affect the ways in which you relate to the world and the impact the world has on you.

I don't see therapy as "one size fits all." As I get to know you, the theoretical approach or approaches I take will evolve from our work together. I recognize and respect how different we all are. This means I make a particular effort to work without judgment.

Telephone sessions are available for those people who travel or are not in New York.

You can learn more from my website: http://www.BeverlyAmselPhD.com

Software control parental is a tool useful, if applied to the right. Millions of single United States parents check their children online behaviour. In November 2004, a survey by the Pew Internet and American Life Project showed that:

54% of families with computers connected to the Internet be used filtering technologies to block potentially dangerous content or have a kind of monitoring of installed software.

Nearly three-quarters of teens said that their computer at home is located in a place such as living room, 64% of parents said that they set the rules on the time of their children online.

Can find anything on the Internet, and some of its content is not appropriate for children or adolescents similarly. Web content filtering is becoming common in American families, and there is no suggestion that it is reasonable. Restricting the time adolescents spend in front of the screen is a good idea, too - we look after the health of our children.

, But everyone who has a teenage son or daughter to apply his computer activity monitoring software should? Not only the navigation history checking, but every keystroke monitoring is your child? Must it be done? Please think a little.

My view is that the monitoring software is "strong medicine." Like any medicine, it has its own side effects, which can be worse than the disease. Any other drug, if overused, can do harm.

I am well aware on children threats may in cyberspace. We are all. Of course know you about these dangers, too. Predators attracting children away from home to rape and kill. Suspicious "friends" meets your child online - who knows who they are and what they could teach your son or daughter? What is he or she you chat on - and with whom? It never leaves the minds of parents overwhelmed working, never occupied.

But still - monitoring software is not a panacea, even if sometimes advertising attempts to prove the contrary. If you plan to install a program that records everything done on a computer, answer this question:

What exactly you want to achieve? Make your child to obey rules or to catch the flagrante delicto?

Most likely, the first. What is you have exhausted all other means? If Yes, try to answer the following question:

If you are not something, your teen know why?

Don't forget that most of the people generally say to a toddler if he plays with a knife. They try to explain - even to a little girl - why not. You are sure that your very-old-and-intelligent young person knows why he or she should not reveal phone numbers, address and other personal information?

Regards not visit sites fuck, your teen is much more likely to obey the rules if you say that you care not only for him (but of course do you), but also for the computer. So now you are not preach your almost-grown-up child, you recall the safety information.

Viruses, worms, Trojan horses - adolescents know these words, and they do not know where they are more likely to choose this shit. If your child know (although it is unlikely), explain. If you don't know, learn about it and explain.

Where to learn? In many places. For example, here are good sources of information. What, they are interesting and simple English:

[http://www.msn.staysafeonline.com/]

[http://www.staysafeonline.info/home-tips.html]
http://www.GetNetWise.

Look at these as well. Tastes differ, but your teenager might find it interesting:

[http://www.msn.staysafeonline.com/default2.htm]
http://www.safekids.com/

A simple search will bring you much more information. It will be very useful for you as well.

If you think that you should apply software monitoring anyway, consider this:

Think first if Tower son or a daughter discovers that you have been logging every keystroke? Be prepared to deal with it.

Monitoring of computer, it is the last resort. This means that the situation is out of control. Is it really?

Aexandra Gamanenko currently, Raytown Corporation LLC - an independent monitoring and software anti-monitoring of development of company that offers various solutions to the security of the information.

Learn more about these products, visit the website of the company http://www.softsecurity.com

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported that in 2009, approximately eight teens from the ages of sixteen to nineteen died every day due to injuries sustained in motor vehicle accidents. The CDC estimates that teenage drivers between the ages of sixteen and nineteen are four times more likely to crash than older drivers. With the institution of stricter seatbelt and drunk driving laws, teen crash fatalities dropped between the 1970s and 1990s, but the numbers remain unyieldingly high, with more than 5,000 teenage car accident deaths each year.

The CDC notes several other disturbing trends among teen drivers:

· Teens are more likely than any other age group to speed while maintaining only short distances between themselves and other vehicles, and this risky behavior increases if there are male teenagers in the car.

· Teens are likely to underestimate dangerous situations.

· In 2005, 10% of high school students stated that they rarely or never used their seat belt when riding with friends.

· Male high school students are more likely to rarely or never wear a seat belt than female high school students.

· In 2007, a national survey found that three out of every ten teenagers reported that within the prior month they rode with a driver who had been drinking.

· In 2005, among male adolescents who were involved in fatal accidents, 26% had been drinking previously and 37% were speeding at the time of the crash.

What, or who, is to blame for such tragic and shocking statistics? It is often argued that the teens themselves are to blame, and in many ways there is truth to that claim. The California Department of Motor Vehicles lists a few factors that heighten a teenage driver's risk of being involved in a serious or fatal crash:

· Lower risk perception and increased risk taking

· Lack of driving experience

· Passenger distraction

· Drug or alcohol influence

· Little ability to detect or recognize potential hazards

· Lack of skill when driving at night

· Greater tendency to ignore safety belt laws

Adolescent drivers are often unable to recognize changes in traffic and are easily distracted by friends, cell phones, and car stereos. They are impulsive and forgetful, which leads to poor decisions on the road. At times, teens become so caught up in the destination that they forget to protect themselves and their passengers during the journey. However, steps can be taken to prevent or reduce fatal collisions among teenage drivers. Experts agree that parental involvement is the number one safeguard against teen driving deaths.

The first step parents can take to protect their teens is to teach them safe driving techniques. One of the most important things to teach a teenager is the absolute necessity of wearing their seat belt every single time they are in a car. Countless deaths would have been avoided if the teen had been wearing a seat belt at the time of their accident. It is imperative that teens learn how to drive properly and pay attention to their surroundings. If they are not prepared to respond to potentially dangerous situations, they are at greater risk of being seriously injured in a crash. Parents should also be sure that they are setting a good example for their teens by following traffic laws and driving on the defensive.

Sadly, teens are 50% more likely to crash during their first month of unsupervised driving than they are after having a license for a year or more. Parents know that the vast majority of teenagers are easily distracted by their environments. Being as such, it can be very wise to ban your teen from using a cell phone, listening to the stereo, and transporting any passengers other than siblings. Eliminating all unnecessary distractions for six months to a year will help your novice driver create patterns of smart, observant driving, and possibly keep them from being another tragic statistic.

The California DMV found that teens are three times more likely to crash when driving after 9 pm. After a long day of school and recreational activities, a teenager is likely to be tired, hungry, and unfocused on the road and other drivers. An exhausted teen driving down a dark street or highway is a recipe for disaster. Setting a strict curfew for when your young driver must be home, and picking them up if they are out any time after that curfew, will help to protect them from their own inexperience and the inexperience of their peers.

Warning adolescents about the dangers of driving while intoxicated or under the influence of a controlled substance is critical. Parents must keep their teenagers from drinking and driving, which might be possible by taking your children to any parties or social events, and then picking them up afterward. The CDC reported that in 2008, 25% of teenage drivers who died in motor vehicle accidents had blood alcohol levels of 0.08 g/dl or higher. It is imperative that teenagers understand the dire consequences of driving under the influence.

Parents and teens alike must also remember that having a driver's license is not a right, but a privilege and a responsibility. If you set guidelines for your child's driving, be strong and consistently enforce the rules. Your teenager may complain and resent you, but by setting restrictions, you are decreasing the likelihood that the child you love will be seriously injured or killed in a car accident. Watching a teenager drive down the street alone for the first time can be emotional and frightening, but by establishing parameters, you may be able to prevent at least one teenage driving fatality, and help prove the statistics wrong.

At Fox, Goldblatt & Singer, you can find a car accident attorney who is dedicated to helping victims of car accidents deal with the aftermath of their collision and injury. The firm's team understands the devastation that motor vehicle crashes cause, and if an accident resulted in personal injury or the wrongful death of a loved one, you may be entitled to compensation. The injury law firm has protected the rights of clients since 1949, and a St. Louis personal injury attorney from the office may be able to help you receive the compensation you deserve.

There are many teenagers in the world today as they stroll around depression.  Often, depression is not recognized, but the behavior "acting". Your teen may be enter in fighting at school, argue with teachers or parents, ditching class, or simply refuse to go to school.  Girl's rebellious and aggressive is not often considered as being depressed, but it is a separate probabiity. So what causes our youth to be depressed?

There are four fundamental underlying feelings that can lead to depression in adolescence. I call the fearsome Quartet. It is anger, fear, guilt and loss.  One of them or any combination can change your child loving and cooperative in a beam to act and rebellious behaviour.

I think, however, that if the root of the depression is found, teenagers can spend their negative behaviours and become once more the person loving and cooperative, that you raised.  My therapist experience has shown this is true.  The difficult part is to get the young person to cooperate and to talk about what was going on.  Adolescents living in a dangerous, competitive and full of world today stress and need help. Understand what is wrong, it is an important part of healing.

When talking about anger teenagers (or adults, moreover) we find that the General anger is based on two legs, injured and fear. Fear that the second branch includes anxiety as a major factor.  Many adolescents carry much more anxiety that it is recognized by others, and they are afraid that someone will know.  The third component is the guilt, real or perceived. Adolescents may feel guilt for things that have nothing to do with them, including the fact of being born. And finally, the loss.  Adults will not know the adolescents loss of how to.  A young person loss of boyfriend or girlfriend results in loss of status with a lot of other problems and it is catastrophic.

When you are working with a young person, it was often difficult to disentangle all and for the basic issues that adolescents have so many questions.  They live in a world full of physical danger, drugs, weapons, violence, school performance, problems at home, crime reaching as early as middle school, sex, so that they are not ready and couple problems.

The above is a simplistic explanation of some of the things I've found in working with adolescents as a professional.  There is much more.  I hope that this will give you a start and help you begin to understand the teens in your life.

[http://www.teenagersandtheiremotions.com]

Quand commence de soi ? Plusieurs fois nous pensons qu'estime de soi l'commence dans nos enfants quand ils ont frappé leurs années de tween, sans se rendre compte qu'il commence vraiment à la naissance. Il est développé sous l'influence des attitudes parentales et les comportements dès naissance et ensuite continuer sur dans tous les développements de l'enfance.

Leur estime de soi est construit par avoir leurs besoins essentiels se sont réunis, y compris le besoin d'amour, de confort et de proximité. Comment les enfants sont traités par leurs parents ou leurs dispensateurs de soins définit l'étape pour comment leur estime de soi est développé. Jeunes bébés et les enfants qui se sentent aimées trouvent plus difficile de développer un sentiment d'estime de soi et puis transporter ceux se sentant sur en plus tard chez les enfants et sur dans leurs années d'adolescence.

Soutien comportement parental, y compris les encouragements et les éloges de réalisations, ainsi que l'internalisation de l'enfant des attitudes des parents vers la réussite et l'échec, sont des facteurs plus puissants dans le développement de l'estime de soi dans la petite enfance. Contraintes à la maison, comme les parents faisant valoir beaucoup, ou ne pas avoir à jouer avec et à interagir avec les amis, peuvent avoir un impact négatif sur l'estime de soi et estime de soi de l'enfant même à un âge très précoce.

Les enfants de l orsque ont une bonne qualité d'estime de soi qu'ils peuvent gérer des conflits, des pressions par les pairs et des amis, plus faciles. Enfants d'âge préscolaire apprennent leur estime de soi en étapes grâce à développer leurs sens de la confiance, l'indépendance, et initiative avec leurs parents et frères et sœurs, puis qui se déplace en interagissant avec les autres membres de la famille et leurs amis.

Estime de soi provient de sources différentes pour les enfants à différents stades de développement. Notre estime de soi est instillée en nous durant notre jeunesse. Il est très important de savoir si le sous courant dans la maison est essentiel ; comme être critiqué par les parents et les membres de la famille tend à déshabiller lentement l'enfant de leur sentiment de soi une valeur.

Estime de soi est décrit comme ayant un bon sentiment intérieur de soi. C'est la façon dont vous percevez vous-même et la valeur de votre auto. Lorsque cela correspond chez l'enfant, c'est ce qu'ils pensent et ressentent eux-mêmes et la façon dont ils se sentent qu'ils font des choses, c'est finalement ce qui est important pour eux et c'est la Fondation leur estime de soi repose sur.

Comme les enfants grandir et mûrissent leurs expériences se déplacement à l'extérieur de la maison immédiatement et passer à l'école et avec leurs pairs, il devient plus important dans ces domaines comment ils déterminent leur estime de soi. Les écoles ont également une influence énorme sur l'estime de soi à travers les attitudes qu'ils favorisent envers la concurrence et la diversité et la reconnaissance de la réussite dans les universitaires, les sports et les arts. À ce stade, l'acceptation sociale par groupe de pairs de l'enfant joue un rôle majeur dans le développement et le maintien d'estime de soi.

Les changements physiques et émotionnels qui surviennent à l'adolescence, surtout au début de l'adolescence, présentent de nouveaux défis à l'estime de soi de l'enfant. Ils sont confrontés à des changements physiques et hormones et ce moment adolescents passent par des changements importants dans leur vie et leur estime de soi peut ont tendance à être très fragile. C'est le moment où les adolescents exigent et ont besoin d'avoir une famille très favorable.

Raccord avec leurs pairs devient plus important que jamais de soi des adolescents et, au plus tard de l'adolescence, les relations avec le sexe opposé ou du même sexe peuvent devenir une source majeure de confiance ou de l'insécurité. Image du corps est un élément important dans l'estime de soi des adolescents, et ils sont très préoccupés par la façon dont leurs pairs les voient. Cela va pour les garçons et les filles, image du corps est très important et les adolescents ayant une haute estime de soi, comme la façon de regarder et accepter eux-mêmes la manière dont ils sont.

Les parents peuvent favoriser l'estime de soi par l'expression d'affection et soutien pour l'enfant et pour cela démarrer comme précédemment indiqué dans les premières années, aidera l'enfant des objectifs réalistes pour les réalisations plutôt que d'imposer des normes élevées d'unreachably. Les adolescents qui apprennent à fixer des objectifs dans leur vie ont leur estime de soi plus élevé que ceux qui ne le font pas. Pendant ce temps et même avant, enfants et adolescents peuvent être enseignées visualisation. C'est un excellent outil pour créer et développer l'estime de soi chez tous les individus et un outil de visualisation grand est vidéos carte de vision.

Adolescents peuvent également être encouragés à regarder les mots qu'ils utilisent pour décrire eux-mêmes, tels que s'ils disent constamment ils sont stupides ou qu'ils ne peuvent pas atteindre le succès ; ils doivent comprendre qu'est ce qui se passera. Donc, prenez l'habitude de dire des choses positives et utiliser cette attitude positive pour créer à leur avantage toute estime de soi. L'utilisation des affirmations est également un excellent moyen pour eux de commencer à utiliser la langue confirmant et ceux-ci sont également présentées dans les vidéos de la carte de vision.

Veillez et expliquer à votre adolescent que personne n'est parfait aux yeux de tout le monde, donc par essayer d'être parfaite vous peut juste être définissant vous-même à la déception et l'échec. Passer du temps en mettant l'accent sur les qualités d'eux que vous aimez et moins sur ceux qui te déplaît. Leur apprendre à croire en elles-mêmes complètement, et d'autres seront aussi croire et confiance en eux.

Darlene a étudié, pratiqué et mis en œuvre de nombreux chemins de croissance spirituelle et personnelle et offre maintenant ces attributs à ses clients par le biais de vidéos de carte de Vision. La mission de Darlene est à enseigner et à encourager les particuliers à trouver et à maintenir leur équilibre interne pour l'esprit, le corps, la connexion de l'esprit ; qui apporte la paix, la joie et la prospérité dans leur vie. Recevoir son f.ree attirer propriété vidéo boutique fougueux

If you are a parent, guardian, teacher or other responsible adult for the well-being, a teenager or a young adult you must know the main signs and symptoms of a person with a drug addiction problem. Professional studies have proven that the best guarantee of success in dealing with drug abuse is to get the aggressor in and rehabilitation cdrug as soon as possible. Substance abuse and dependence create a fairly standard set of indicators, particularly among young adults. When you discover the problem of drugs or alcohol, you can not waste discuss, supporting or pleading. You must call a drug rehabilitation Counsellor and get professional help. Drug rehabilitation may be the only salvation for this young.

One of the problems with someone who is dependent on drugs is that they are often the last to recognize their own symptoms of dependence and addiction and need for drug rehabilitation. They are often trying to pass their symptoms as something else – "it's just a cold", "I get the sniffles", "I slept good last night", "I have a headache" and so on. They are minimizing the problem themselves and you. They admit it without your assistance and Won't get manipulated without a drug rehabilitation program good.

There are several telltale signs of substance abuse among adolescents. Use of the parent is to draw a distinction between what is normal and what is a red flag that indicates a drug rehabilitation program is probably necessary. According to the National Drug Intelligence Center, sudden changes in personality, appearance, academic achievement and extracurricular activities may indicate the use of drugs among adolescents. A child previously have many and friendly may suddenly become a foreign emotionally unstable, hostile or violent. It's all red flags announcing: "call a rehabilitation Counsellor drugs now and let a professional help to sort this out.".

Rehab drug addiction teenager specialists say that children who abuse drugs may withdraw from family, dispose of old friends, abandon their usual activities and neglect their duties. You could see secret behavior, lie to cover the drug abuse, fly, ask for money, or sell property to support their habit.

Here is a list of signs of tell-tale that young people with drug problems may need drug rehab:

** Negative of change in their school work, missing school, or grades lower.

** Explosions in anger, mood swings, irritability, manic behaviour or overall attitude change.

** Increase in secret on the assets or activities; spend a lot of time alone in their room with the door closed.

** Express feelings of despair, depression and exhaustion.

** Deterioration of physical appearance and grooming.

** Sudden change in the choice of clothing - strange fascination styles that could highlight drug use, sunglasses or sleeve long shirts at times inappropriate.

** Subtle changes in conversations with friends, more discrete, with the "coded" language Or new friends you never heard before, especially known users or "smell".

** Use of incense, deodorant perfume that could hide smoke or chemical odours or room.

** Increase in borrowing money, property sale or missing elements of the House which could have been made and sold.

** Evidence of inhalation of products and accessories, such as lacquer, nail, correcting fluid, rags and paper bags and household current.

** Drops bottles ophthalmic appearing suddenly, that can be used to hide the eyes injected blood or dilated pupils.

** New use of the Mint mouthwash or breath that may be covering the smell of alcohol.

** Lack of drugs, including narcotics and stabilizers of the mood of your medical practice.

** Engage in conduct discreet or suspicious, as the manufacture of frequent travel in room bathroom, basement or other isolated areas where drug use may be intact.

If you see some of these signals in adolescents one or more of your care, a very serious discussion, no-nonsense is called. You need to get your questions answered honestly. If you have a doubt, immediately call an advisor of the alcohol and drug rehab program and get help professional and opinions you need.

Rod MacTaggart is a freelance writer that contributes articles on health.

Info@drugrehabreferral.com

http://www.drugrehabreferral.com

Teen boot camps or juvenile boot camps were designated for delinquent adolescents with behaviour and addiction problems. Here, they remain under surveillance for some time and are subject to a military-style discipline.

Several jurisdictions send first time and non-violent offending adolescents as a corrective action training camps. But today, even parents trying to cope with difficult children send to teen boot camps. Teen boot camps claim to the child by the strengthening of the structure and discipline

The fundamental principle of a teen boot camp is for a young rebel, subject to heavy mental and physical subjugation to become a better person. Inmates of these training camps in stark, disciplinary orders in your face with supervisors, which are like military sergeants and sanctions for any violation of the rules. There is also emphasis on physical exercise control and the spirit. Earlier, supervisors methods corporal in the camps, but they are now prohibited by law.

Teen boot camps work also by creating uniformity among its members. Teens who attend these camps are to give up their contacts with family and friends. They wear uniforms and some teens camps shave same heads of children to create more harmony between them. Juvenile boot camps, youth are not addressed by their names, so that person is given particular importance. The period during which a teenager going to a training camp is followed by a period of monitoring. This is usually a period mentoring, where minor problems are addressed, and solutions are drawn. During this period, some employment-training skills can be taught.

The effects of teen boot camps in the minds of young teens are a controversial issue. Experts believe that the training camps do nothing to improve the youth; in fact, they are harmful. According to them, the effects of the training camps are very temporary and forgotten once the completed camp. Also young people who live under the domination for a period of time becomes more rebellious later in life.

Experts also argue that boot camps for teenagers not reduce recidivism in trends. Offenders who are placed in teen boot camps may return once more to their original behavior once they are.

Even economically speaking, correctional teen boot camps are not feasible to the Government. Although the time spent by an offender juvenile boot camp can be less than at the prison, the operating costs of the training camps that also apply to offenders is fairly high.

Boot Camps provides detailed information on training camps, Marine boot camps, marine boot camps, boot army camps and more. Training camps is the sister of Troubled Teens Website.

The latest issue of Scientific American Mind has a great article about the teen brain, challenging many of our current thoughts about our young adolescents. Many recent studies support the notion that teenagers' brains are somehow inept at dealing with challenges in the same way as adults, and that this underlies their often reckless behavior. I have written posts in the past summarizing some of this work.

The Myth of the Teen Brain

In his article, The Myth of the Teen Brain, Robert Epstein makes a compelling argument that the majority of these previous studies are all wet. Epstein is a psychologist who has studied this issue for many years, across hundreds of cultures.

He cites one study of 186 pre-industrial societies in which teens spend most of their time with adults and have few of the problem behaviors that we Americans associate with adolescence. In fact, the majority of these societies don't even have a word for adolescence - teens are not distinguished from adults.

The Battle between Hormones and Culture

Treating teens like adults makes a lot of sense from a biological perspective. Like it or not, teens are of reproductive age. If they lived a few hundred years ago, they would likely be parenting children of their own. If their brains were really 'programmed' for recklessness then it's unlikely that the human race would have survived. It is only the rules of our society that have made teen parenthood abnormal. This is, of course, not to condone teen pregnancy but to realize that the problem stems from man-made cultural issues, not from nature-made biological ones.

The Consequences of Restricting Behavior

Another statistic that Epstein points out is that American teens have 10 times as many restrictions as adults and twice as many restrictions as incarcerated felons! He points out that prior to 1800 there were really no laws restricting teen behavior; by 1900 there were about 20; and by the year 2000, there were over 140 laws defining what teens can and cannot do.

This, Epstein argues, is the real problem. He claims that we artificially extend teens childhood by treating them like children. We are also placing them in situations where they primarily only socialize with each other - when we should be socializing them to be adults.

He claims that all of the previous studies showing that teens' brains are 'inferior' to adults' brains is because the behaviors we impose on them make their brains different - and not that their brain differences cause their behaviors.

Anyone that went to college with someone who was a raised in a restricted environment knows how rebellious they can be. At the risk of offending readers, my Catholic School friends were the wildest kids around. Too strict or restrictive of an up-bringing pushes many teens to go hard the other way. Dr. Epstein suggests that our over-restrictive society may be behind tragedies like Littleton and Virginia Tech.

The question then, is 'Are all the restrictions on teens necessary in today's society or have we gone too far?' Do all the rules make matters better or worse?

Protection or Exposure?

Many Europeans laugh at us Americans for our protective attitudes, especially around alcohol and sex. We think little of exposing teens to violence on TV and in video games, but we cringe at letting them see a sex scene. What's worse, growing up to have sex or shooting someone?

Also in Europe, teens are exposed to alcohol for a couple of years before legally learning to drive. They don't have the taboo associated with a glass of beer or wine and don't have as many problems associated with alcohol abuse. In America, we make sure that they already have their car keys in hand when they go out for their first legal drinking binge. Seems a little backward to me.

Lighten Up?

There are good arguments on both sides of the debate. As parents, we need to take a hard look at the rules we impose on our own teens. Of course, we need to stay within the laws of our country. But we can ask ourselves if all our household rules are for their own long-term good. Do our rules protect them at the expense of delaying their abilities to become independent and think for themselves? Will you feel comfortable with your teen's ability to handle adversity when they step out of the protection of your home? Maybe if we stop treating them like children they will stop acting like them.

Copyright (c) 2007 The Brain Code LLC

Train your Brain for total Brain Fitness. The Brain Code is the key to unlock your maximum potential. Dr. Simon Evans puts together the right ingredients in right amount to create the recipe for success. Visit us at http://www.thebraincode.com

Lying is something that comes naturally to children. It is our job as adults and parents learn that it is wrong. This article suggests advice on how to parent and ways to help keep your children to lie.

We searched and searched and cannot find a single adult who never told a lie as a child. In fact we cant' find adults who are now. Is not relevant to parents how thwarted when children have not mastered a virtue, they have not mastered themselves?

We do not make this point to justify a lie, but to show that the children are not defective or immoral. We need to face the child reasons lie until we can help you to renounce their need to lie. Usually children for the same reasons adults lie, they feel trapped, afraid of punishment or rejection, feel threatened or think lying will facilitate things for everyone.

Often lying is a sign of low self-esteem. People think that they need to be better because they do not know that they are quite good as they are.

Suggestions

1 Stop to ask questions of implementation in place that lie to invite. A question of setting is one that you already know the answer. "A clean your room." Instead say: "I noticed that you did not clean your room." "If you want to work on a plan to clean up?"

2 Focus on solutions to the problems instead of blame. "That we should". "to get the tasks" instead of, "did you do your chores."

3 Be honest yourself. Say, "which is not like me the truth." Most of us do not say the truth when we feel trapped, afraid or threatened in any way. Why do launch us some time ago now? Later I will be available if you would like to share with me what is happening for you. »

4 Respect the privacy of your children when they do not want to share with you.

Plan avoid the problems of the future

1 Child support believe that mistakes are opportunities to learn so they will not believe that they are wrong and must cover their mistakes.

2 Set the example by telling the truth. Share with your children time when it was difficult for you to tell the truth, but you decided that it was more important to live the consequences and to maintain your sense of self. Be sure it's honest sharing instead of a Conference.

3 Allow children know that they are loved unconditionally. Many children are because they are afraid that the truth will disappoint their parents. Show appreciation. "Thank you for telling the truth." I know it's difficult. I admire the way you are ready to deal only with the consequences and I know you can manipulate and learn from them. »

4 Stop trying to control children. Many children are so they can find who they are and do what they want to do. At the same time, they are trying to please their parents by making them think that they are doing what they are supposed to do.

Child life skills can learn

Children can learn that it is safe to say the truth in their family. Even when they forget that are reminded with gentleness and love. They learn that their parents worry about their fears and false beliefs and will help them overcome.
Parenting pointers

1 Many children lie to protect themselves against the judgment and criticism, because when believe adults say they are bad. Of course, they want to avoid this kind of pain.

2 Remember that your child is now is not that your child will be forever. If your child tells a lie, do respond to the behavior by calling your child a liar.

3 Focus on the establishment of proximity and trust in the relationship rather than on the problem of behaviour. It is generally the fastest way to reduce the behaviour that you find objectionable.

Makeup thoughts

My son was suspended from the school. This is its history, "I found cigarettes in my locker." I don't know how they will y. I am just putting in my Pocket taken key when a teacher took me to the Director. »

My thoughts went crazy for a few minutes. "He is lying about us." I am a failure as a mother. It goes to the ruin of his life. What people think? »

I felt quite upset, so my compass sense let me know that I was caught in my system of thought and that it was not clearly see things. I rejected my compass instead my thoughts for a minute and used thoughts more than argue with my inner wisdom.

"Yes, but it's different." It's really terrible circumstances on which I have no control. That how I can possibly see the differently? I am going to reprimand him severely, "Ground" at least one month, remove all privileges and be informed that he is ruined his life. »

Fortunately, I too had faith in my inner wisdom to the seriousness of these thoughts. I rejected my mad thought and the inspiration of my inner wisdom quickly resurfaced.

I can in the circumstances of a completely different and felt of understanding and compassion for the situation to my son. He entered just junior high school, where the pressure is huge to follow the crowd instead of following common sense.

When I got home I listened my inspiration and know what to do. Sitting with my son, put my arm autour him and said, "I bet it's hard to try to find a way to say no to your friends, you Won't be called a nerd or a party pooper.". He was expecting my usual madness and knew how to react to my mental health.

He tentatively said, "Yeah." I went. "And I bet the only reason that you would never lie to us is that you love us as long as you do not want to disappoint us." His eyes filled with tears, and he gave me a hug.

I responded with tears in my eyes that we had these wonderful feelings of mutual love. I reassured him, "If you think that you could never disappoint us enough to decrease our love, then we do not do a fairly good job you let know how much we love you, without condition.".

We can only guess what the result would have been had I followed my mad interact mind my son thought. My guess is that my insanity would inspired a rebellion instead of increased proximity.

Since 1979, Dr. Jane Nelsen has shown of the more than 2 million parents and educators how to use Positive Discipline at the end of the struggles of power and to build more positive and healthy relationships. She likes to teach effective and practical has been How many of parent.

What a pleasure to meet a respectful child! Raising a respectful child is one of the three Rs (responsibility, respect, and resiliency) that are part of a parent's job description.

"No, my do it. Get away." That's normal for a three-year-old to say. But it's disrespectful for a thirteen-year-old to say, "I don't have to do that if I don't want to."

A child can disrespect herself: "I'm so stupid" or "Nobody wants to eat lunch with me at school; I guess I'll just need to eat by myself."

Respect is a learned behavior, and the learning curve is full of obstacles. We'll look at three in particular: (1) it's a human tendency to look out for oneself first and ignore another person's needs; (2) it's tough to encourage a child's independence and at the same time look out for another person's needs; and (3) it's easy for children to handle mistakes too harshly and disrespect themselves. Let's briefly cover how to deal with these roadblocks.

Looking out for oneself first. If you don't think this is a human tendency, spend an hour with a toddler. If children don't progress past this attitude, respect for others will not develop. But don't skip validating your child's needs and feelings as you teach respect for others. Telling your child he should be disappointed or mad when a teacher's been mean is essential. After that, the second step works better: teaching your child how to deal respectfully with his teacher.

When your thirteen-year-old argues, take the time to hear her point, support parts or all of what she says, and sometimes change your mind-in favor of what your child says. Most parents skip step one (supporting a child's feelings) and go directly to step two: teaching respectful behavior. Don't make that mistake.

Balancing independence with looking out for other people's needs. Alex yells at the principal, saying it's not fair that he got an after-school suspension when his friends did the same thing and got off scot-free. That's independent thinking, but the comments are disrespectful. Alex's parents have done a good job helping Alex to know and respect his needs, but the delivery needs some work. How to balance independence and respect for others is a tough skill to teach, but it can be done with enough practice.

Handling mistakes too harshly. As a teenager, Erin spends too much time doing perfect homework and sometimes does not try activities because she can't do them perfectly. Four-year-old Taylor has a temper tantrum every time he can't find a puzzle piece or can't get a Lego piece to fit right. These children have learned that mistakes make them feel bad about themselves, rather than using mistakes to learn and improve.

Parents need to decrease this excessive internal harshness by focusing on and supporting the child's feelings that are causing the problem. Let's say Erin tells her parents she doesn't want to disappoint them by getting Bs or Cs. Now the parents know the source of the pressure and can reduce the grade expectation. Don't expect this internal harshness to go away overnight, however. It'll take several weeks to see the results of this approach of feelings first, correcting behavior second.

Here's the take-home lesson: Establish your child's self-respect, and teaching respect for others will be a lot easier.

Gary M Unruh MSW LCSW has counseled more than 2500 children and their families for over forty years. Read about his breakthrough parenting approach, Unleashing Parental Love, in his award winning 2010 book, Unleashing the Power of Parental Love: 4 Steps to Raising Respectful and Self-Confident Kids.

Visit his website for more information (media section included): http://unleashingparentallove.com/

Family road trips are a great and often inexpensive way to spend vacation time with your children. However, they can also be immensely aggravating for the entire family when your children start to get bored and restless. As an avid road warrior and a parent of three young children, I've been through numerous ups-and-downs while traveling by car. As a result, I've mentally developed a lot of "lessons learned" when it comes to hitting the highway. Here are a few of my tips for helping parents and kids survive - and enjoy - a great road trip.

1. Break up longer trips into small sections. If you can limit your time on the road to 5-6 hours a day, you can save yourself a lot of stress. Getting to your first stop will also give you and your children some time for play and relaxation. Many children can't sit in a car for hours on end, then go straight to bed in a strange hotel room. So try to stop before you are too tired, so that everyone call relax and have fun before bedtime.

2. If you will be stopping for the night before your final destination, pack the bare minimum for a single night in a separate bag from your main luggage. This way, there's less to carry into the hotel, and also less stuff to climb over while you're in your room. When we travel, we pack a pair of pjs and a single change of clothes for each child and minimal toiletries (their toothbrushes are important to remember!) in a duffel bag. It's much easier to deal with for a single overnight hotel stay than bringing in a large bag with our entire wardrobe for the trip.

3. If your children argue over a particular seat (or row of seats in the minivan), set up a schedule in advance so that everyone considers their time in the special seat to be equal and fair to everyone else's time. It can save a lot of arguing over who sits where after each stop you make.

4. If there is more than one adult and extra room in the back, sit with your children for at least part of the trip. They may feel that they don't get enough attention from Mom and Dad if you're both in the front seat, having a conversation that doesn't include them.

5. Stop at rest areas whenever possible, not just for a bathroom break, but also for snacks. If the weather is good, it's also a great chance to let kids stretch their legs and get rid of the restless energy from sitting all day. Bring along a soccer ball or frisbee and let them play near a picnic area for a bit. It helps stretch cramped muscles, relieve stress through recreation, and simply breaks the monotony of being in the car.

6. Cultivate a knowledge of great road trip games. Some examples are finding license plates from every state, looking for all the letters of the alphabet (in order!) on road signs, and looking for fun shapes in clouds. You can find a huge selection of car games for kids by doing a simple online search, and if you add one or two new game ideas to each trip, you'll keep the selection fresh and more exciting for your kids.

7. Make a sing-along CD of the kids' favorite songs, and have a family karaoke-style sing-along as you head down the road. Include age-appropriate CDs made for kids, but try and find some that you can enjoy too. One great line to consider is "Kidz Bop", which features remakes of well-known pop songs with children singing along. We also have made a CD of songs that our family likes to "perform" on the Band Hero video games.

8. Get each child an age-appropriate activity book and pens/pencils/crayons. Coloring books are great for toddlers, older children may like multi-game books, and teenagers often enjoy crossword puzzles or Sudoku (at least, if they're trapped in a car without a phone or game console)! With smaller children, it's a good idea to limit their time with crayons and pencils though; don't let them get so bored that they start drawing on the inside of your car!

9. Get a portable DVD player if your vehicle doesn't already have one. Bring along a few of their favorites, but also pick up a new movie from the store or the local video rental place. Try NetFlix if you travel often; you can keep your selections as long as you want, so you don't have to worry about due dates and overdue fees. You can also check out DVDs from many public libraries for free.

10. Pack low-sugar snacks to keep hunger at bay without causing a sugar rush and the inevitable crash. Small bags of baby carrots, apple slices, or air-popped porpcorn ease a rumbling tummy. Healthy snacks are also important if your children tend to snack when they are bored rather than just hungry.

Susan Petracco is an avid travel deals hunter, parent of three, and frequent family road-warrior.

Have you tried exhaustively to regain control of your out-of-control teen? Does it seem like the harder you try, the more your kid acts-out.

Do you find that your child seems to be in charge (the tail wagging the dog)?

Does he have an "attitude" ALL the time?

Is he resentful about something and holds a grudge?

Are you worried about your kid:

* Having unprotected sex?

* Hanging with the wrong crowd?

* Experimenting with drugs or alcohol?

Has your teen:

* Lied to you?

* Stolen?

* Skipped school?

* Destroyed property?

* Run away?

* Had legal problems?

* Refused to follow your rules

Does this sound familiar? "I've tried everything under the sun with my kid -- but nothing works!" "I have taken him to a counselor, but nothing much has changed."

Or, have you been hesitating to seek counseling because you want to try everything else first? Well, there IS an alternative that you probably have not tried or even heard of; the use of a proven self-help program!

Self-therapy kits (STKs) are now available for parents like you, who want a fix that is scientific, tested, within your control and implemented in your own home! However, there are many types of STKs available.

How do you know which one to choose? Check the brochure CAREFULLY.

Select an STK that teaches advanced parenting strategies that are scientifically proven. Also, pick one that is designed to work immediately, rather than months or years down the road.

Look for one that includes proven easy-to-understand techniques that are NEW and NOT run-of-the-mill! Forget those that contain the re-hashed content that you've been reading about forever.

After all, conventional techniques don't work with unconventional teenagers.

> Does your child...

* have a bad temper

* argue with you and others

* refuse to obey your rules

* defy you

* blame others for his misbehavior?

> Is he:

* touchy and easily annoyed

* angry, resentful?

If so, hundreds of STKs are available! But pick one that is state-of-the-art, guaranteed and risk-free. After all, you already have more than enough problems! You don't need any more.

Counseling doesn't work because your teen doesn't want it, so he won't talk. However, you don't need to go through another year of torture with a rebellious, foul-mouthed kid.

Review several STK brochures, but only test those that have been designed by someone who has years of experience. You can get programs in DVD, audio, video, CD, workbook and e-book formats.

Select one that is composed of several formats; you will learn faster.

If possible, get one which includes...

...Live audio of a parent-teen curriculum in action.

...Power Point Presentations, a manual, audio and perhaps videos about your kid's specific issues.

...A regularly updated website.

....A Parent Forum -- so that you can get quick support and advice from others who are facing the same difficulties.

...A newsletter which provides a continuing stream of the latest parenting resources

..On-the-spot access to an expert via phone, email, or chat room who you can contact for help.

...Last, but not least, a 100% Money Back Guarantee, (which you are unlikely to get from ANY counselor, anywhere)!

Consumer FAQs:

Q: Should I use a self-therapy kit (STK) before consulting a therapist?

A: I think its best to start with the kit. After all, after successfully completing it, you may not need counseling or medication.

Q: What if I want to consult a counselor anyway? Can I use the kit as well?

A: Using an STK while engaging in treatment will likely boost both the speed and quality of your recovery exponentially!

Q: Where do I find STKs?

A: On the internet. Search for "self-help" "self-improvement," "anxiety, depression self-help." Study the brochures and make sure the content is cutting-edge and that there is an unconditional guarantee.

Q: What about the guarantee?

A: Be sure there is an unconditional guarantee. Just follow the simple directions to claim it. Its easy and fast.

Q: What are the credentials of those who author these kits?

A: They are designed by both mental health professionals and first-rate non-professional experts who have personal experience in solving the problem for themselves; after all, there is no better testimonial than ones own personal success!

The key: Read any brochure carefully to be certain that its contents will boost the quality and shorten the time of your recovery.

ONLY select an STK that is guaranteed and is subject to a full refund. Happily, there is no need to be at your "wit's end" any longer.

After selecting an STK with the above characteristics, the problems in your home should be dramatically reduced. When using an STK, you will become elated at how easy it is to use parenting strategies that really work!

Test-out a well-designed parent-teen STK now, before it is too late!

Dr Shery earned his doctorate in counseling at the University of Southern Calif. He is a practicing psychotherapist and an author with over 30 years experience; he provides groundbreaking Self-Therapy Kits that he uses with his own patients. They are absolutely guaranteed to eliminate anxiety, anger and agitation; if not satisfied, you get an unconditional refund. Learn more about these New Self-Therapy Kits

It can be very difficult and stressful when two parents are not getting along or are not in agreement about how to parent. This becomes more challenging with teenagers because they will quickly understand what is going on and will make every effort to use it to their advantage. In addition, it can be very hurtful for teenagers to witness their parents not getting along.

As you know, parenting can be very challenging and even more challenging when parents are not on the same page about rules, consequences and parenting in general. Even more challenging is when two parents are not getting along at all due to separation, divorce or other stressors in the relationship. Generally in these situations, emotions are high and parents are hurt, angry, frustrated, sad or any number of other difficult emotions. Despite how difficult such situations are, it is critical that parents do not let their children witness their conflicts. I cannot tell you the number of children who I have seen for therapy who are emotionally damaged and extremely confused because their parents constantly argue and say negative, rude and disrespectful things about one another. I am not suggesting that it is easy to keep all of these emotions to oneself, however, these emotions should be shared with other adults or professionals and not with one's children.

Some tips for parenting if you are a parent in this situation:

1. Speaking with the other parent: if you know that you become easily emotionally charged when speaking with your child's other parent then it is important that you have these conversations when not in the presence of your child. It is never in a teenagers best interest to witness situations where parents become negative, yell, say negative things or become verbally abusive towards one another. The damage from this can last years and can even impact your child's ability to form healthy, trusting relationships as an adult.

2. Feeling like the other parent is undermining what you are trying to do: often times in these situations a dynamic gets set up where there is a "good parent" and a "bad parent". Generally the "good parent" lets their teenager do what they want and does not have a lot of rules or consequences while the "bad parent" attempts to maintain rules and structure for their teenager. In these situations, it is really important that both parents figure out a way to come to SOME agreement about rules and expectations. Sometimes this can be done through a third party (therapist, friend, etc) but it is critical that it get done. When doing this, pick the things that really matter and allow yourself to let some other things go. For example: it would be important for parents to agree that their teen must be getting passing grades or else there will be consequences while it may be okay for parents to not agree on how neat their teenager needs to keep their room in each of their homes if they are living separately.

3. Feeling like your teenager should know what the other parent is doing or did: parents often feel like it is important for their teenager to know that the other parent only visits with them because they are mandated to do so or that they are not paying what they are supposed to be paying each month. In some situations, parents feel like they need to tell their teenager all the awful things that the other parent did to them. In these situations, who is really benefiting from your telling your teenager these things? Usually, it is the parent who is benefiting because they are reacting to strong, negative emotions they are feeling. What I have found over the years is that in the end, teenagers and young adults know what is going on and ultimately know which parent is consistent and which one is not. In addition, I have found that teenagers become very resentful of parents who bad mouth one another (even if what is being said is true) because it causes them a lot of confusion and feelings of betrayal by both parents. Teenagers will figure this out over time and will be much better off if they see that their two parents are able to be civil and respectful of one another while in their presence.

Of course if you ever truly believe someone is doing something that harmful, illegal or significantly damaging to your child you should take immediate steps to make sure your child is safe. The above described parenting situations can be very difficult and emotionally draining and sometimes last for a prolonged period of time. If you are a parent experiencing such difficulties in parenting consistently with your child's other parent, it is important that you get support for yourself so that you can both take care of yourself and be strong for your child.

© 2009 Elite Life Coaching

For more information on Life Coaching or coaching for parents please visit [http://elite-life-coaching.com] or email Karen@elite-life-coaching.com.

My name is Karen Vincent. I am a Certified Life Coach as well as a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker with a Masters Degree from Boston University. I have worked with teenagers / adolescents and their parents for the last 15 years in a variety of settings, including outpatient therapy, specialized schools, and in the home.

I have developed and conducted numerous parenting classes and support workshops specific to parents of teens. I have also created and presented training for professional staff including teachers, therapists and counselors who work with adolescents in Massachusetts, Connecticut and in New York City.

In my work, I partner with parents (usually through phone calls) who are experiencing difficulties in connecting with their teenage children and who are struggling to manage social, emotional or behavioral issues which arise during the teenage years. Through working with me, parents are able to:

• work through any self doubt they are having about their parenting

• develop action plans for addressing their areas of concern

• develop new ways of parenting their teens effectively

• discover new ways of connecting effectively with their teens

• eliminate sleepless nights and worries while Restoring Peace of Mind During the Teenage Years

Please call for a free Coaching Consultation: 774-245-7775

Jamie gets so upset when kids tease her about her freckles. Lucas doesn't read well, and he comes home crying about how the kids make fun of him. Isn't there some way to help my child deal successfully with these down times? It's so painful to see my child hurting.

Good news! You can teach children resiliency - how to be comfortable in their own skin and successfully survive failures and being different. It's one of the 3 Rs of the unleashing parental love parenting approach: respect, responsibility, and resiliency. Here are three components of resiliency you need to teach.

1. Make failure a positive experience. Some days kids seem to make mistakes every time they turn around. And it's not natural for parents to be positive when mistakes happen: "Your room is such a mess; you are so irresponsible." But you can make failure a positive experience by saying instead, "Let's find a way to clean your room that works for you so that you do it by yourself without being asked." This is how you get your child to stick with failure until success happens. The rule of thumb: Make conquering failure successful through positive experiences. Count on it being hard at first, but with practice you'll get the knack of it.

2. Know (accept) thyself. The ancient Greeks were on to something. Knowing and accepting oneself is the foundation of resilience. Teaching resiliency often feels insurmountable, but when parents use the following simple focus, everything works a lot better: Help your child know and accept his or her feelings, the energy source that makes your child tick. Don't focus on what your child does by telling him you're sick and tired of his arguing. Instead focus on the core (feelings) of who your child is: "You must really befrustrated with my not understanding you. I'll be quiet while you tell me what you feel." Listen and validate all of your child's feelings, then problem-solve. Resiliency is all about your child getting to know and accept "who I am" on the inside.

3. Being different is okay. Being different comes in two forms: our physical features and what we think and feel about something. When your child's being teased about being overweight, you want her to respond positively: "I am a little overweight, but everyone's different. It's not a big deal, and I'm exercising to handle it." And your teenager needs to feel comfortable expressing differing points of view (respectfully) with you. How do you pull this off? Use this proven approach: Continually validate your child's inside thoughts and feelings, which will help your child know and accept him- or herself (the second part of resiliency). Feeling comfortable with what's inside (feelings and thoughts) makes it easier to deal with outside problems.

Follow these guidelines and watch your child's resiliency take root.

Gary M Unruh MSW LCSW has counseled more than 2500 children and their families for over forty years. Read about his breakthrough parenting approach, Unleashing Parental Love, in his award winning 2010 book, Unleashing the Power of Parental Love: 4 Steps to Raising Respectful and Self-Confident Kids. Visit his website for more information (media section included): http://unleashingparentallove.com/