I think most parents would agree that parenting a teenager is a unique and complex job that offers both joy and frustration to their lives. If you add an behavior defiant or out of control teen to the mix, things get a little bit more difficult. Nevertheless, as their parent, you need to do what you can to help your teen make it through adolescence while still maintaining a happy, healthy relationship with you, his parent. The question then becomes "How do I do that?" My answer is general, and two-fold.
1. Continue to get guidance and learn new tips and techniques for dealing with your teenagers specific areas of difficulty.
2. Choose to possess the qualities of relentlessness and unconditional love in your parenting of them, no matter what. What I mean is decide today that you will never give up on them, on helping them, or on parenting them. If you do, whom else will they have?
As parents, our job is to not only raise our kids up to be happy, law-abiding, contributing members of society, but also to love them unconditionally through the process. No matter how much they test us, fight us, argue with, ignore us or rebel, we must be persistent as parents. There will always be those unmanageable days...the days when we are worn out, defeated, disappointed and overwhelmed, but every day ends and a new one follows. Keep that in mind. Time is not unnumbered. There is always an end to whatever season you are in with your child. Therefore, be unrelenting as a parent.
So how can you be relentless as a parent? Quite simply, keep working on your relationship with them, and in helping them develop positive healthy characteristics within themselves that will serve them well in this world. A few things that come to mind are to stay active and involved in their life. Show an interest in the things they like, weather you like it or not. Be genuine. You love them, so enter into their world and find out what it is that they really enjoy. And then find ways to participate in that with them. For example, maybe you can go to a music concert with them, or a sporting event of some type. Pursue them.
Another way to be relentless is to commit to constantly learning and growing in ways you can effectively parent them. None of us come into parenthood with an automatic perfect skill set to raise our children from start to finish. There is so much we do not know. And there are things we think we know, but obviously do not by the outcomes we are seeing. Being able to admit that and learn new ideas is really important. There is a lot of learning that we as parents end up doing. Being unrelenting means that when you are at a loss for what to do, that you do what it takes to get the help and the answers you need.
In conclusion, no matter how difficult your teenager is right now, keep pressing forward. Continue to love them unconditionally. They are your child. No matter how hard a situation gets, be willing to find the help you need. It is imperative that you remain willing to continue reaching out, to keep trying, and to keep learning. It is then, that you will remain close to your child, even through those rebellious teenage years.
Tina is a happily married WAHM of 4 boys, a freelance writer and advocate for families and parents. She enjoys seeing stressed out parents and broken relationships put back together. All children need their parents, whether they know it or not. And all parents can grow in their parenting skills, just as their children grow in their ability to challenge them.
Family life is great, and if things are difficult and unhappy at home, then you must find the help you need to restore things once again. Your family can be happy, but it may take some work to get there.
If you found her tips useful and want to read more in depth material about helping your out of control child or teenager then visit her here at: Out of Control Teenager or at: Difficult Defiant Kids
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