"Teen curfews are made to be broken." That is what a group of teens told me when I posed this question to them: "What do you think about teen curfews?" So I pushed the inquiry a little more and asked them "What do you think your parents are thinking when you show up pass curfew? At this point, one feisty teen looked at me and said "My parents are over protective, and they need to realize that I'm older now." I knew that I had to pose the question in a way that these teens understood, so I knew I had to try a different approach.
So I asked the teens "What would you think if your best friend asked you to meet them at the mall at 6 pm, and 30 minutes later they were a no show"? They told me they would be worried, and that they would start to think something bad happened to them. I told them that worry is the one of the emotions that their own parents go though when their teens arrive after curfew. One of the teens told me that they never thought about it "that way".
And that where the problem lies, parents are failing in the ways to communicate with their teens. Teens rebel, its their nature, so when parents "command" that they be home at a certain time, what goes through a teens mind is "they can't tell me what to do, I'm almost grown." What parents have to learn is how to communicate with teens in words that they will respond to. Instead of telling a teen to be home by a certain time, parents should tell teens to be home by a certain time but if they are a few minutes late, to call so the parents will not worry.
A lot of parents will disagree with this and say that they will not tolerate their teen being 5 minutes late past their curfew, but this is where the battle starts: no flexibility. Not being flexible will lead to a lot of heated fighting, and arguing. Parents have to be willing to give up, and let go some of their parenting duties. Their little tweens are growing up. Parents will be thought of as confidants rather than someone to rebel against if they are flexible with their teens. Teen curfews are not made to be broken, they are made so parents won't worry. Learn how to make your teen see the difference.
Although it seems like you have come to a dead end regarding your teen, and your looking for ways to counter their disruptive behavior. Visit teenangermanagement.info for more news and articles [http://www.teenangermanagement.info/wordpress].
"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured"...Mark Twain
Marcus A. Leverett is a proud father and mentor to three lovely teenagers. He loves to read and write, is an avid cat lover, and a devoted Tennessee Titan fan.
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