Argue With Your Teenager

Dependence and alcohol abuse is only a problem for adults. In today's society, the age at which children begin to experiment with alcohol is much lower when our parents grew up.

Adolescents from the age of 12 and sometimes more young are to be drunk regularly. He need only look at nightclubs around your town to see the teenagers regularly drinking large quantities of alcohol and spend their time while intoxicated.

Adolescents, teens and young adults may be admitted to alcoholism centres and clinics for the treatment of alcoholism, if their alcohol problem is severe enough.

It is generally estimated alcohol is a disease. It is a disease that is incurable, progressive and fatal if not arrested. The development of alcoholism is heavily discussed: some believe that alcoholics are born with the disease and this external influence is not relevant in the progression of the disease.

Others believe that alcoholics are the result of a traumatic childhood, while others believe that the disease is caused by a combination of the two. However, it is difficult to argue that case is correct, the disease is progressive. It is rare that one tries to drink alcohol for the first time and immediately becomes a full blown alcoholic. The progression of the disease takes time.

However, the diagnosis of a young person as an alcoholic can be difficult. Teenagers usually undergo hormone changes and physical, as well as development and psychological development in place of their identities and their belief systems.

This means that during adolescence, a teenager is under significant stress, and it may be normal for them to test the limits and try out different behaviour, language and dress codes to try to find what works for them.

The difficulty is to diagnose healthy experimentation and what is addictive behaviors. Any alcohol in adolescence is considered abuse, as it is illegal for adolescents to be drunk.

Most teenagers feel a need for acceptance of their peers, but they begin to develop a sense of identity, so they start to "follow the herd" in terms of behaviour and opinion.

This means that young people can engage in addictive behaviors such as excessive alcohol intake, but may not necessarily be the alcoholics. Problem behaviours can be due to impulsivity, the search for thrills and defiance.

However, it is likely that if a young person is engaging drinking at inappropriate times and frequently, there is a serious problem, especially if the young person starts drinking at a very young age.

What are the teenage drinking effects on adolescents?

It seems that the main dangers of alcohol among adolescents are accidents. In the United States, almost 2000 minors (under 21) die each year in car crashes involving alcohol. He is also a factor of nearly half of all teens who die in violent circumstances. Alcohol regularly led to suicide attempts, unprotected sex and promiscuity and experimentation with drugs.

Teenage drinking may also go hand in hand with the other dependencies such as eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia and self mutilation (cut).

I you look at...

Many parents keep alert to any sign of problems with their teenagers, but when symptoms appear, they insist that their child is admitted to a centre of alcoholism. Sending of a young person who has drunk a few times in a centre of alcohol for treatment may do more harm than good.

Our society is one that is very tolerant of alcohol, and it is likely that an adolescent tried an alcoholic beverage or has friends who have. This is what only in severe cases of adolescent alcohol use should be considered potentially curable in rehabilitation of alcohol.

It is always advisable to contact a professional therapist, addictions Counsellor or psychiatrist for their opinion, and if they believe that the matter might merit treatment in a centre of alcoholism, then an evaluation with the adolescent therapy session can be organised.

A professional will be able to establish whether there is a dependence that is sufficiently serious for the rehabilitation of alcohol. Rehabilitation in a centre of alcoholism can be excellent help for alcoholics among teenagers who truly have the compulsion to drink excessively on a regular basis.

Do us recover provide expert and independent treatment advice to people struggling with alcoholism, including adolescents and their families. WeDoRecover sees alcoholism as a treatable disease, not a defect of character, working with the best practitioners of the alcohol in the United Kingdom, South Africa and Thailand to support customers in the achievement of the happy sobriety, satisfied and live a normal life again.

Your troubled teen is running with the wrong crowd and became alarming provocative and rebellious... once again. Messy hair, the dismal clothing and body piercings continue to be the standard. Given that your teen has "experienced" drugs and alcohol in the past, you are sure that he or she is to the same old tricks, even if he or she swear now things are different.

Some parents assume that their children continue to abuse of drugs or alcohol and finished to treat them as if they did something wrong then these assumptions could not be further from the truth. These erroneous assumptions eventually Stoke resentments instead of giving children the means to prove their reliability.

Your teen wants your trust and you want to give. Unfortunately, none of you knows how to do what the other wants.

When it comes to substance abuse, there is a relatively new way to separate the facts from fiction, and it becomes more and more popular that most people think. One of the reasons why you have perhaps heard it is because of its private and confidential. It provides the Foundation to restore confidence based on the truth. If a child wants to prove that he or she is free of drugs and relative need for the rather strong evidence that verbal assurances, a home drug testing program can be the answer.

Critics of this new tendency of screening drug House argue that the Act of testing teens for drugs is an irresponsible abuse of confidence and drives only a wedge between parents and their young children, who already have a tense relationship. However, who can argue against the relations based on facts from fiction, especially when the relationship of trust has already been destroyed?

Mason Duchatschek interviewed thousands of parents, adolescents, members of the School Council, Councillors, principals and directors. He is the President of the www.TestMyTeen.com (mason@testmyteen.com) based in Fenton, Missouri.

When you are a parent of a wild teenager, it can be a challenge very and stressful experience, you will have to face, but many parents have to face. Wild teens are very independent and think that they will always be correct. They are specific risk takers and not realize what will be the consequences of doing something wrong. Now, why teens are wild is the peer pressure. It is in this world and do not stop. Each young person wants to fit in with the crowd of these days and be with the popular group. They want to be seen and known. Thus, generally if they follow the bad crowd they will still do everything just to fit and cool look. Some signs you may face when your teenager could turn wild:

-Cheat
-Fly
-Lie
-Smoking
-A celebration
-Argue with family members

Depression can be a major fall in the wild young person may feel. Depression in adolescents is very common and parents can't see. Type of treatment or counseling is a certain for this type of situation. Suffice it to say the symptoms when they appear. Lack of confidence can really cause a young person. If they think they are not pretty enough or they are weight or simply step intelligent enough to be really are in a bad way. They will also be lots of crying and stress. They must let their emotions some how. And the most frightening, it is suicide. It is very common in wild suicide adolescents. Therefore, when your teen starts you need to discover why as soon as you can. Often, the wild teenagers will end pregnant or with some type of STD. It is a world very afraid there and all do you, is that your teenager happy and safe.

When the adolescents to express they could show signs of sexual behaviour. For example, wearing very short shorts, or shirts show too, wear too much make-up, boys autour when parents are not home, etc.

Now, if you have tried all the advice you think that you can do, the other option that some parents take is boot camp. In boot camp, they learn about authority, discipline and exercises military and many physical training. This would certainly be a life for them change event and later on the road could you thank for it. There are different types of training camps, it is all for what you think would be best for your teen.

This is a situation very fear to face and you need to be bold and standing as a parent and what you need to do to your teen get back on track. It can be done. Are too many people and they make errors such as the rest of us and they also need second chance and and love.

Wendy Pan is an accomplished niche Web site developer and author. To learn more about wild teens [http://teengirlshealth.info/parenting-wild-teens-a-challenging-and-stressful-experience], please visit Teen Girls health [http://teengirlshealth.info] for discussions and current articles.

Do you want to see the best behavior in your children?

You want to understand more clearly?

You want everyone to "get all along.

Try the family reunion!

When the use of this valuable tool to strengthen family relationships, it is important to establish a clear vision of what you want to enjoy your meetings of families. Meetings are the structure, but not be so rigid that enjoyment is impossible. Family meetings can become chaotic, so be prepared for some rough debut. However, with perseverance, you will soon be on a course of great discovery.

As a foster parent, we had lots of fun with the meetings of families. We also had some blow ups, as children to fight and disagree, and we have all lost our patience sometimes. Remember, the meetings are a place of learning. The family meeting is a step, full of entertainment, emotions and debate. Hidden talents and sometimes negative personal issues may surface as children learn to listen, to communicate, to organize and to carry out. This tool to give a chance to work. As you all see grow and mature, you will enjoy meetings and might even ask how you never existed without them.

The measure of success

Success is measured in inches. First, expect a few sighs and moans, making it still plu fun to hear your children say things like "I am bringing up this family meeting.". or "can we talk about this at the next meeting" "." Can I be the "facilitator"? and even "may my friend Susie (Bill, Bob, Debra...)". Come to our family reunion? "Although this issue shows much interest your child in the process of... most often said" no! " "to the company. Family meetings are watered down when you have frequently invited. Keep the staff, private, special and mysterious meetings outside the family.

How to start the family reunion

Here are some basic principles of thinking that you develop your own style of family reunion:

Hold short meetings.

Have an agenda. Let children contribute to the items on the agenda of the day during the week prior to the date of the meeting.

Develop rules to place the issues of the day.

Too personal topics (rule of parents on this subject) are kept for private conversations.

Have a procedure of departure and end. Example: Start with a family singing, reciting a prayer, reciting the pledge, etc.. End with a similar approach and perhaps a brief summary and an overview of the next meeting.

Begin by activity type positive round-robin where everyone says something positive about the person on their left (for example) - keep one or two sentences. This can be an activity carried out in a variety of ways, be creative! The purpose is just to begin on a positive note. In addition, it is difficult to criticise someone when you said just something positive in their regard.

A fun interactive game in the meeting.

Let the children announcing them, narration, and as much of the direction of the meeting as possible. Let the little Joey 10 age say something like: "I will turn the time dad and MOM will speak Saturday picnic". The person ordering the meeting should have an overview to go in before the start of the meeting. Keep the flexible structure, but present.

Serve light refreshments.

Deadlines.

Meeting of family "no".

NO SUITOR. Table of this subject, talking to individuals, then did you the situation when calm prevails.

No interrupting other comments. Wait your turn.

No appeal of telephone, or answering the door. Respect the meeting by putting the "world" waiting for an hour.

No extension on the meetings Beaver unless that everyone is in agreement.

Expect these life lessons:

Filing of certain issues teaches patience and that everything can be resolved in 30 minutes.

Respect for differences of opinion.

The search for positive results.

Resolution of problems.

Power of Persuasion.

Learning to say "no" to interruptions.

Establishment of priorities.

Sharing.

To communicate.

To listen.

Participation in a group.

Pending.

Compliance, compliance, compliance.

Appreciation.

Gratitude.

Be creative, coherent and positive. Seek information on the meetings of family and always be ready to change and improve. On the reverse, follow the routine of things that gives a sense of security and predictability for the others. To help with the differences in attention span, families can find useful to have 2 separate meetings – starting together, separate to the benefits of the age and the stage and consolidation and then at the end. Enjoy.

Note author: family gatherings can be particularly useful for adolescents. Even if initially, they may respond with the opposition, meetings of appeal to their desire to self-management and control. Read my other posts about the meeting of family and other http://www.partnershipinparenting.com parental situations

Marisue Alsobrook is a veteran of Foster parent and Adoption more of 17 years. As a trainer in the field of foster care and adoption, its staff of more than 250 children experience and adopt two, gave its workshops special insight that she has trained parents and social workers. Now retired from foster parents, she enjoys spending time with her husband of 30 years and 3 grown sons. It lies in the southwest of Florida and is currently working on a book called "Hearts in part" for more information, go to http://www.partnershipinparenting.com

Many parents, when their children are young, found a job to work at home. But as soon as children are all at school or old enough to fend for themselves, try to find work outside the home.

This may be an error. Family many experts believe parents must be home even more when the children are older, simply because they can get difficult. Sixteen years is much too old for child care and no doubt rechigneront to have something that resembles a baby sitter. But a year sixteen old can also do things when they are on their own that they would never consider if a parent at home.

Of course, you have rules. Is not friends at home after school. No friends or friends or drink or drugs or cruise of the things on the Internet made you rather not see. You may think you have the best kid on the block and never go against the rules. Think again. If the monitoring of each child made the parents of each rule, no there is no unwanted pregnancy or drug experimentation. Leaving only your home in adolescence, it is a huge concern for working parents. This is why working from home over the years can be the best thing you can do for your family. While the home and dads often consider the early years as the most important to be at home, more vehement will argue that it's really the home years young when parents should try to be. Because of the Internet, parents have more options then ever if they do not want to work from home. Many jobs will allow the parents of part-time telework, other jobs, allow parents to work from home full time. Lsie consulting, or starting a business at home is all options, parents may use when they want to be home when their children are.

Studies have shown that adolescents engage in behavior more risky between the hours of 3 and 6 h feel? Which is when teenagers are home alone, unattended and free to do some really bad choices. Non-supervised teenagers are almost three times more likely to skip classes, use of drugs and alcohol, smoke and engage in sexual activity. As parents more acknowledging the consequences to the House of youth, more are choosing to work from home at least part of the time. Small will be safe in the care of day or with the rulers. But adolescents are safer when Mommy or Daddy is home.

Theresa Wilkins is a specialist of the House. She is also an author who contributed to [http://www.jobsbasedfromhome.com] and [http://www.jobsbasedfromhome.info]

"All the world he" seems to be the popular excuse among teenagers since the night of times. Parents argue often counter with something like "if everyone did this dangerous act, do you want to?" Unfortunately, this is a losing battle in advance. Teens are commonly of peer pressure when the parents are not around. It is one of the reasons why many adolescents are engaging in sexual activity. They believe that it is necessary to follow the crowd to adapt or be accepted.

Everyone the fact is a myth

Fewer than half of teenagers are having sex. Those who are, everyone knows that they are and others say that they are in. The truth is that teachers and parents speak and many adolescents are listening. Adolescents are against the stereotype that they are irresponsible and reckless and choosing to wait and build a relationship with someone while establishing respect for themselves and for others. Regardless of whether each person you meet is that of sex, a young person, it is your job to decide if you are ready to accept the consequences that having sex can cause. An individual is preferable from the crowd.

Standing for what you believe

One of the blessings of living in a free country is that you have the right to think and believe as you want. When everyone tells you that you must do something, don't forget that you actually have the right to say no choice to go against the tide is one of the things that made many famous musicians, actresses and multi-milliardaires succeeded in their lives. If you have religious belief against sex or simply the impression that you are not ready, stand up for believe you in and set the example to other people.

Dealing with peer pressure

There are two solutions base to deal with peer pressure. The first is to build a hard skin and be known as the boy or the girl who does not follow the crowd. Maybe you will be called names and maybe people will be offensive because you choose to make better decisions. The good news is the middle school and high school is not forever and the real world will provide much bigger fish to fry. The second option is of course to find new friends. A real friend would not harass or try your do not yield to peer pressure. While sex is a big problem for them, there not to be for you. If you give a temptation because of the peer pressure it only a matter of time before you give to others.

Robert Mccormack has written articles online for nearly 2 years now. Not only this author specialize in Teen issues: peer pressure and sex, you can also check the latest website on: search for Duns number - used snow plows

Making Teen Discipline Work For You

Many of us may find ourselves triggered into old patterns of arguing and conflict when faced with a teen who is in full flight of giving you the cold shoulder or what I call ' chucking has 'wobbly'. We may even find ourselves saying things to them that our parents said and which we hated hearing when we were teens.

Disciplining teens - sounds like a potential battle of control of wills and at times a yell fest. If you are feeling exhausted by the constant push you feel in your relationship with your daughter - consider focusing on the following in order to turn things around: a) building an environment of respect, b) negotiation around reasonable behaviour and, c) praise when good behaviour is demonstrated in your daughter's journey into adulthood.

Research has found that there are 4 types of parenting using dimensions of affection and control (or love and authority) which produce different outcomes for teenagers. What has been most productive have been parents who have consistently stood strongly in their love as well as in their authority. This can be a fine balance and can challenge our ability to find the right degrees of each and at the appropriate times. How to have the fierceness of a lioness, the cool detachment of a yogi and the humour of Bob Hope. It's not going to be one thing but choosing different ways of being at different times in order to keep an engaged relationship and keep your cool.

The two fundamental principles in teen discipline:

1 Being are - this is a principle that is true right through out child rearing and is particularly true with teens who will be testing the boundaries every inch of the way. They get frustrated when a behaviour is acceptable one day and not acceptable the next.
o Are you clear in yourself around the boundaries in your home?
o Have you made these transparent with your daughter? Is she aware of what would happen if a boundary was crossed?
o Do they need updating? Rules and boundaries will need to change as your daughter gets older.
It is a good idea to involve her in the rules and ask her to consider consequences if they're broken. She will feel heard by you and it gets away from a 'lecturing' style of parenting.
o Realistic and consistent consequences are part of her school and community
o Creating rules and boundaries at home with consequences, then responding appropriately in a consistent way creates an environment of security and management for your teen girl.

2 Listening - the prefrontal cortex at the front of the brain is about compassion, reasoning and empathy. It is still developing in teens and develops through experience. Through learnt behaviour from modelling and role models. Stand for being listened to and model respect through listening to your teen. Even when disagreeing, it is important to allow your daughter time to express her feelings and thoughts. Modelling 'clean arguing' and developing guidelines around appropriate behaviours around conflict is important for her in all her relationships. Again consistency is important here and you leading by example.

What To Look Out For When Setting A Punishment.

3 Pick up and respond to inappropriate behaviour early. Try not punish in anger - when we punish in anger or frustration it's probably a sign that we may have worn out our patience or have let things go on for far too long. A burst of sudden anger can have a dramatic effect but will ultimately create blocks in communication. Teens will often shut down around parents revert to who always getting angry and yelling. You can lose respect and may simply create a teen that mimics your behaviour to siblings or back at you. Consistency is important here so that your teen ideally starts to manage and monitor her own behaviour. If you feel your heat rising try stepping away from the situation to cool down and recover emotionally.

4 Make your punishment under - It should be reflective of the wrongdoing. For example, if your daughter arrived late from an agreed time limiting her night's out temporarily would be appropriate. A social event may be missed if school work hasn can't been completed in order to complete the work. Most teens respond to punishments that are covered as fair.

5 Hold an expectation for good behaviour - Whilst you are trying to understand that your teen daughter may be on a hormonal roller coaster with major emotional and psychological changes it doesn't mean she can behave in a mean or nasty way. Include behavioural expectations need be related to what is right and a foundation created around shared values.

6 Reasoning is a powerful tool with your daughter given that there is a very big part of her that wants to be taken seriously, valued and heard. Reasoning may not always seem to sink in immediately or have an immediate visible effect but the long-term effects will be more evident and positive.

7. Try and remember that you are the parent, yes, a loving parent. But NOT a friend (of course, a friendly parent), but, not her friend. Your daughter will usually have plenty of her own friends. She will need the safety and security of boundaries and guidance you offer her as a parent. This may include at times supporting her around saying 'no' to her friends and at times being the 'bad guy' simply because at times the answer will be 'no.' This is important as it's modeling how to say 'no' when she will inevitably have to be in that position herself. Teens who view their parents as authority figures and providers are more likely to be close to them in adulthood. We know you were once a teen and relating some of your experiences can be a really valuable way of working through some challenges. Standing in your authority creates a safe container for her to occasionally push against, feel her own boundaries and grow in.

8 Address the behaviour not the girl - You might be feeling like your teen is testing your boundaries all the time. It's really important to have the capacity to hang in there, be the bigger person (the adult), put aside your hurt and frustration at times and make sure she knows you love her despite what she does. Importantly, that you love her enough not to let her develop behaviours that may be harmful to herself or anyone else. Direct your complaints and comments at the behaviour, not the girl. Try to keep your complaints short and to the point, it will ensure you have an engaged teen. (this tip applies to spouses and family and friends in general)

With problematic behaviour try and avoid name calling, and put downy language like: "you're lazy" or "that was stupid." Focus on the behaviour that created the problem such as not studying or not asking for needed help. Make sure she gets some positive strokes. E.g. let her know that you're confident she can change things around and are going to work with her to make sure the behaviour improves.

11 Give your daughter space to fail or mess up. This is part of her psychological growth and development in real life skills for the future. Often failures are wonderful opportunities for learning and deepening strength of character. Again, avoid the lecturing purpose help her reflect on what she might do differently.

Please do write to me if you have any questions about this.
and good luck
May the force be with you
Shushann

Shushann Movsessian MAppSc.(Soc Ecol), Dip.Teach, clinical member CAPA
Counsellor, Coach, Trainer
P.O. Box 83 Waverley NSW 2024
Mobile: 0410 324 134
http://www.letstalkgrowingup.com.au

If you're like me, you put off getting your child a cell phone for as long as you could. Especially if you have teenage daughters and know how much time they spend on the phone. You can see yourself taking out a second mortgage just to pay the cell phone bill.

Of course, when they start going out and hanging out with friends, not to mention dating, there arise numerous scenarios wherein a cell phone might come in very handy. Thinking back to my own younger days and some of the situations I found myself in, having instant access to my parents would have been a very good thing.

One of the more recent debates concerning cell phone usage is whether or not teens should be allowed to carry their phones or iPads or whatever the latest incarnation is to school with them. There are certainly pros and cons to the subject.

Obviously the most beneficial use of a cell phone is for instant access to a parent in the event of an emergency. If a child becomes sick or needs to leave school for some other reason, it eliminates several steps that were previously needed to get in touch with the responsible parties.

Likewise if a child misses their bus home or if they become stranded somewhere. Some newer phones come equipped with GPS devices making it easy for parents to locate their children at any time.

In more extreme cases, such as recent events involving school shootings and other violence, cell phones were instrumental in helping police and other rescuers locate students hiding out in classrooms and closets.

Of course any technology can be used for nefarious purposes. Students have been known to take advantage of cell phone internet access to find test answers and use texting to communicate those answers to their friends. Such devices can also be used to facilitate the newer problem known as cyber bullying, where hurtful and offensive comments are sent to or posted about certain students. There have been documented cases of students committing suicide or other drastic acts based on problems with messages or texts sent through cell phone usage.

In addition, texting or net surfing can become a distraction from what is being done in class.

The newest and more disturbing trend in texting is known as sexting, where students send suggestive or even sexually explicit pictures of themselves to boyfriends or girlfriends. The problem is obvious enough, but amplified to the extreme once these pictures get out and are distributed (which they always inevitably will be). Teens need to be told several times over, that they should not put anything online that they are not prepared for the entire world to see. Once it is online, consider it gone. You will never get it back and it will always be on somebody's hard drive somewhere.

Cell phones may also inadvertently make children the targets of violent attacks, especially if their phone is one of the more expensive models. Being assaulted and robbed of such items is nothing new, and parents should think twice about sending their kids to school with the Cadillac phone when the Chevy version might be a better choice.

Of course some schools and states take the decision out of the parents' hands by banning cell phones altogether. This may seem like an extreme reaction to many, but this author would argue that previous generations grew up just fine without the benefit of cell phones in the classroom. In fact, it could be argued that as a result we had a healthier level of social interaction as a result of not being tied to Facebook and actually having to converse face to face.

On the other hand, as a parent with a child who has suffered from serious medical issues, I can also see the added benefit of the child having the ability to instantly communicate, especially at times where going through school channels to get access to a phone would prove problematic.

So which point of view is the right one? That is up to you to decide, based on your knowledge of your child, their behavior, and their level of responsibility. Handled the right way, technology is our friend. Handled the wrong way, it can become a serious problem. Make the determination that is right for you and your family.

For more on the subject, check out the following online debate.

Billy D. Ritchie
Director Of Content
Leadsbyfone, LLC
Billy is a freelance writer and Director of Content for Leadsbyfone LLC. Visit him online at his blog.

Getting into the back-to-school routine can be hard for everyone in the house. In the morning, parents are faced with groggy kids who won't get out of bed and get ready for school no matter how much you nag, bribe and scold. Homework time can be even worse, with nightly fights and accusations echoing off the walls of your home. So how can you get your child to be more motivated? The important thing to remember is this: your child is motivated-they're just motivated to resist you. Keep reading to find out how you can turn this negative motivation into a positive one.

Q: When a child becomes unmotivated and won't get out of bed, do homework or participate in activities, what is he trying to tell the parent through this behavior?

When we're talking about kids not getting out of bed, not doing their homework or school assignments or not wanting to get involved in family activities, it's important for parents to realize that there is motivation in the child. But the motivation is to resist. The motivation is to do things their way, not yours, and to retain power.

When people feel powerless, they try to feel powerful by withholding. A child or teenager who feels very powerless will stay in bed, not go to school, avoid homework, sit on the couch and withhold overall involvement because it gives them a sense of being in control. To the parent, the behavior looks completely out of control. But the child sees it as the only way to have power over what's going on around him.

The child who uses resistance to control lacks both social skills and problem solving skills. It's important to define the difference between the two. Social skills are how to talk to other people, how to be friendly, how to feel comfortable inside your own skin and how to deal with people's kindness. Problem solving skills are the skills that help kids figure out what people want from them, how to give it, how to deal with other people's behavior, expectations and demands. Problem solving skills are needed to help a child handle being criticized in class. Many times the real reason kids don't want to do their homework is because they're simply lazy about the work or they don't want to be criticized in class and held accountable for their work.

I want to be clear about this point: everyone is motivated. The question is, motivated to do what? If a child looks like he's not motivated, you have to look at what he's accomplishing and assume that this is what he's motivated to do. So part of the solution is getting him to be motivated to do something else. To assume that the child is unmotivated is an ineffective way of looking at it. He is motivated. He's simply motivated to do nothing. In this case, doing nothing means resisting and holding back to exercise control over you.

You'll see it when you ask your child a question and he doesn't answer, but you know he heard you. What's that all about? That's a child withholding an answer to feel powerful. When he says, "I don't have to answer you if I don't want to," you see it as a lack of motivation. He sees it as a way to win control over you.

Q: As parents, we tend to respond to this unmotivated behavior by coaxing, arguing and screaming at the child. Or you just give up and do the child's tasks for him because you don't see another way. It doesn't work, but it's all you can do, it seems.

Very often these kids are motivated by a power struggle. They find different ways to have that struggle with their parents. The job of the parents in this case is to find other ways for the child to solve the problem that's inherent in the power struggle. But if parents don't have those other ways, then they just get locked into the power struggle.

If you're fighting day after day with a kid who won't get out of bed, you're never going to solve that problem. Because even if he gets out of bed, then he won't brush his teeth. And even if he brushes his teeth he won't comb his hair. Or he won't wear clean clothes or he won't do his homework. If continually resisting is how a child tries to solve the problem of authority, then parents will have a hard time until they teach the child how to solve that problem appropriately.

The first step in teaching kids the problem solving skills they need is to understand how they think and realize that these kids are not helpless victims. They're simply trying to solve problems, but the way they're solving them is ineffective, inefficient and distorted. You have to deal with this distorted attempt for control in a systemic way. To give a simplistic solution like taking away his phone or taking away his TV does not deal with the problem. It won't work. You have to look at the whole comprehensive picture.

Q: So how can parents deal with this behavior more effectively, without screaming, arguing or "overdoing" for the child?

I think parents should avoid giving the behavior power. When you yell at your child for lack of motivation, you're giving the resisting behavior power. I understand that parents get frustrated and yell. The point I want to make here is that it won't solve the problem. If you're yelling or arguing with this child over these issues, you're giving him more power in the struggle, and you don't want to do that. Leave the choices really clear for the child. Use "I" words. "I want you to get up out of bed and get ready for school." "I want you to do your homework now." Then leave the bedroom. If the kid doesn't do it, then there should be consequences. There should be accountability. If the kid says, "I don't care about the consequences," ignore it. Telling you he doesn't care gives him a sense of being in control and a sense of power.

I would give consequences, and I don't care if the kid doesn't like it. If you don't get out of bed, you shouldn't be doing anything else. You shouldn't get to play video games. You shouldn't spend four hours in front of the TV. If you're too sick to go to school, you shouldn't be going out of the house. Those limits should be set and followed through.

I would always tell parents in my office that you have to have the courage to let him experience the natural consequences of his behavior. It takes a lot of courage to step back and say, "Okay, you're not going to do your homework, and you're going to get the grades that reflect that." But in these cases, it can help to let the child experience the natural consequences of resistance. You don't let the kid watch TV. You say, "Homework time is from six to eight. And if you don't want do your homework in that time, that's fine. But you can't go on the computer, you can't play games and you can't watch TV. If you choose in that time period not to do your homework, that'll be your choice. And if you fail, that'll be your choice."

Along with the plan to let him experience the natural consequences of his decision, build in rewards for success, if he does make the right decision. If my son failed a test, there was no punishment. But if he passed, there was a reward. It was very simple. We rewarded A's and B's. We didn't take anything away for C; we just didn't reward it. So my son strived to have A's all the time. So with kids who resist, it's important to have a rewards system as well as a consequence system.

Remember, natural consequences are an important part of life. That's why we have speeding tickets. A speeding ticket is a natural consequence. If you go too fast, the policeman stops you and gives you a ticket. He doesn't follow you home to make sure you don't speed anymore. He lets you go. It's your job to stop and take responsibility. If you don't, you're going to get another ticket fifteen minutes later. Natural consequences help people take responsibility, and they can be used to help kids take responsibility for things like going to school, participating in class and doing homework.

So when you're interacting with a kid who appears unmotivated, remember that screaming, bargaining and doing things for him will not work. When you're looking at this child, you have to remember, he is motivated. He's just motivated to do something different than what you want him to do. He's motivated to resist you. So the more power you put into it, the stronger his resistance gets. We don't argue with kids because when we argue with them, we give them power. Focus on making that behavior powerless and give the consequences that you can give so that there's accountability.

For three decades, behavioral therapist James Lehman, MSW, has worked with troubled teens and children with behavior problems. He has developed a practical, real-life approach to managing children and adolescents that teaches them how to solve social problems without hiding behind a facade of defiant, disrespectful, or obnoxious behavior. He has taught his approach to parents, teachers, state agencies and treatment centers in private practice and now through The Total Transformation® Program.

The Total Transformation Program® is a comprehensive step-by-step, multi-media, child behavior modification program for child behavior problems like oppositional defiant disorder and children anger issues.

As counsel for the two alcohol awareness and minor in possession (MIP) classes I often asked my younger students drink how much peer or using illegal drugs. Would it surprise you that my adolescent students believe more than 90% of their peers have used alcohol or other drugs in 30 days? It is the average of all the classes that I teach.

It could be argued that we hang around those most like us and that my students had at least one problem of alcohol or other drugs that their friends and their colleagues do so. The foundation of this thought goes further than you think.

What is your Perception?

Regardless of what age you take a moment to reflect on all those you interact with, including collaborators, members of your church or other social congregation, even the parents of your son baseball team. If you are a teenager, reflect not only your peers, but all adults with which you interact. Make sure that you include teachers, coaches, friends of your parents, aunts, uncles and cousins (even younger).

On what percentage of these people you know drinking alcohol or drugs? What percentage do you think use these substances? More that probably the first group, those who you know, is a group smaller than you think.

Adolescents are wide of the mark!

A recent survey among eighth-grade students showed that they estimated that 15% of their peers had an alcoholic beverage last month, when only 10% reported to have soaked in this period. Ninth graders were even more off the coast of the mark with them believing that 50% of their peers had consumed a drink alcoholic during the 30 days when only 20% reported that they did.

The darker perspective among the ninth graders is perhaps that they estimated that 40% of their peers had used marijuana in the course of the month. The number of reports to have used marijuana in the 30 days was 10%.

Are the reality of Perceptions?

Which is certainly not a question of rhetoric. Perceptions are beliefs and convictions are powerful. While the perception is not reality, they help create and redefine the reality and what is right and wrong.

These perceptions can have powerful effects. Focus groups have shown that belief adolescents drink "all their peers" can triple the rate of alcohol consumption in a given place. As the impression that almost everyone drinks became ubiquitous, adolescents and society became more tolerant of its consumption.

This is exactly why we need stronger campaigns against the consumption of alcohol among teenagers. We cannot let the notion that drinking teen is going to happen we may as well accept the standard. In addition to public campaigns, there is alcohol awareness classes that can help redirect your thoughts on alcohol use in a lit light.

Parents of Neptune, the children of March

Another perception, which is in reality is that a misperception is the belief of the parents that they were clearly outlined their position on alcohol. In a recent survey, 95% of parents responded that they had clearly defined their relationship with the expectations of the use of alcohol. In fact, the survey revealed that only the ¾ of teen understood what was expected of them relating to the use of the alcohol.

There is no doubt that parents and teens may be miles apart in perceptions and beliefs. The key is to maintain a constant flow of dialogue with your child. Make sure they know that you do not tolerate alcohol. After your parenting plan is for you.

Remember, alcohol is a drug and its use should be strictly controlled. If you or someone you know is suffering from an alcohol problem please ask for help. The groups online.

Mike Miller is the Director of education to the class of alcohol online, a website specialized on the online alcohol awareness classes and minor in possession classes.

Even the best chef can become overwhelmed trying to please fussy eaters. Mothers know it's hard to please everyone at the dinner table, especially children. Kids can be the toughest food critics of all. In fact, small children may refuse to try a new food based solely on its appearance, smell or texture, never mind what it feels like sliding from the taste buds down into the tummy. Dinner time can become more like a "war zone" where parent battles the child who is rebelling; "I'm not eating this!"

Vegetables especially can be a hard sell. Vegetables are important for a child's nutrition too because of the nutrients, vitamins and protein. So if you live with a reluctant vegetarian who stands about 3 feet and can repeat the word "YUCK"  6 times fast, using the intonation of a 6 foot tenor star, there is still no need to worry because there are several sources and creative ways to insure your child is getting enough protein.

First, learn the facts about the important role of protein in your child's development. Teach your child the nutritional facts as well, so he/she will understand they need to take care of their important "machinery" that is growing daily and needs to take in the proper fuel. Over time, they will learn the importance of eating a healthy diet that includes vegetables. Be consistent and keep reminding them of the nutritional benefits of eating healthy foods. 

So, What Are the Facts?

According to Baylor College of Medicine, healthy children between the ages of 1-3 need 0.55 grams of protein per pound of body weight. The RDA's for older kids are 0.5 grams of protein per pound for 5 and 6 year olds, 0.45 grams for children around the ages of 8 and 13, and 0.4 grams for teenage boys 18 and younger. Once girls and boys are over age 18, they require the same amount as adults.

Sources of protein are found in dairy products, grain and vegetables as well as animal products. But again, what if you live with a fussy eater who won't go for these protein sources?

Protica Research Provides another Alternative

Protica Inc developed a protein drink called Profect. Profect liquid protein comes in a variety of all natural flavors that would entice most finicky 3foot tenor singers.  Its great tasting flavors include Blue Raspberry Swirl, Grapefruit-Mango, Citrus Berry, Cool Melon Splash, Passion Fruit, Orange Pineapple, Ruby Melon Twist, and Fuzzy Peach Nectar. Your little food critic won't even know it's good for him but appreciate the great taste. You will appreciate the protein benefits of supplementing your child's diet with Profect liquid protein.  

Why Protein Shakes are good for children

Children are constantly on the move. A child's growing body requires protein to support his body organs as well as providing additional energy for burning off those bicycle rides around the neighborhood. Protein is critical for building their immune systems, controlling metabolism, repair of muscle and tissue growth, as well as providing energy when carbohydrates are not available. A protein drink, like Profect, is a delicious addition or supplement for your child's growing body and healthy lifestyle. 

A fussy eater may be hard to please, but it's possible to implement substitutes and alternatives to provide good nutrition. One way to be sure your child or teen gets enough protein in his diet is to introduce him to protein drinks or shakes. Proasis or Profect is a delicious all natural drink that tastes great, is good for you and provides protein for your diet. For pleasing your teenager or your three foot tenor, Profect or Proasis is a great choice for helping you sing a happy tune when feeding the fussy members of your family.

Coming Back from Anorexia: A Case Study

Madison started worrying about her weight at twelve, tearing pictures of models out of magazines and plastering them on her walls at home. She started skipping meals the following year after a comment about her burgeoning figure in a bathing suit. Maddie was briefly bulimic, but found that she really could not stand to throw up after a binge. Her parents, both busy professionals, often did not notice that Madison did not go into the kitchen if she could avoid it and that she rarely was seen with food at all. By the end of the winter, the then fourteen year old weighed in at 65 pounds on a 5'6" frame. Even in the summer days, she kept to baggy sweat pants and heavy tops, always complaining of being too cold.

The family finally noticed when they rented a cabin for the week. After arguing and fighting with her to do so, Madison put on shorts and a tank top to come out by the water's edge. Her parents were shocked by her appearance and took her to the doctor when they returned home.

While she promised to listen to her counselor and follow the plans that were set up for her by the doctor, Madison slipped up several times. However, after collapsing and being hospitalized with an irregular heartbeat, she is focusing on getting healthy and strong once again.

She eats small meals, each between 100 and 400 calories apiece, so that her body can get used to having food to process once again. One of the things she has added to her daily routine is a protein supplement called Profect, from Protica, which gives her 25 grams of protein per 100 calorie serving. She is slowly regaining some of the weight that she lost and will continue to see her counselor once a week until she gets to and maintains 100 pounds.

Madison no longer sits around and stares at the stick thin magazine models, choosing to find more positive role models in her life.

About Protica Research

Founded in 2001, Protica, Inc. is a nutritional research firm specializing in the development of protein-rich, capsulized foods (dense nutrition in compact liquid and food forms). Protica manufactures Profect protein beverage, IsoMetric, Fruitasia and more than 100 other brands in its GMP-certified, 250,000 square foot facility.

You can learn more about Protica at http://www.protica.com

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