Argue With Your Teenager

When it comes to motivating teenagers there are concepts that can be applied to just about all of them. At the same time it is important to account for different personality traits. We are all pretty familiar with the long list of teenage stereotypes. For example you have the bookworm, the nerd, the attention getter, the jock, the cheerleader, the weird one, the rebellious one, the popular one, and on and on.

There are other characteristics which are equally important to consider in terms of the type of person your teenager happens to be. Those characteristics will determine the best approach in how to motivate teenagers displaying them.

The Self-Starter

The self-starter is probably among the most desirable types of individuals. They are responsible and they take their responsibilities very seriously. When you have teenagers with this characteristic, you do not have to tell them the same thing over and over again. They tend to be self disciplined and comfortable working alone.

This is the kind of student that will come home and immediately get to work on homework assignments without being asked to do so. Why? Because he knows he needs to get his studies done before being allowed to do anything else. Your job here is simple: just recognized his accomplishments.

However you know just as much as I do not everyone fits this mold.

The Easily Distracted

This individual often times tries to be very popular. He wants to have lots of friends and knows a lot of people. He may even enjoy being the center of attention. He is likely to have a very active mind, very interested in all kinds of things. That curiosity will take him from one thing to another very easily.

This teenager is the easily distracted. For the parent it means being prepared to constantly remind him of what he needs to be doing. He has not yet learned how to focus his attention on one thing and stay with it until completion. He may start out pretty well but if something catches his attention he may drop the current task completely to chase after the distraction.

This teenager will require a lot of time and patience to help him develop good habits. You may find in working with him his particular interest. It is likely that it is the one thing he can focus on. As you instruct your teenager you may point this out to him. It will give him a concrete visual picture of what you're trying to convey.

The Master of Procrastination

A teenager who puts things off may mean well and sincerely intend to do the work, but just not right now. He tells himself he'll get around to it.

For the parent it means providing a lesson on what happens when you keep putting things off. You might search your memory for a personal experience that you can share. If you don't have one of your own you can share an illustration of what happens in his world.

Point out the outcome of not completing a homework assignment, or studying for a test. Putting those kinds of things off until later can mean that they never get done, or are done poorly.

The Lazy

The lazy teenager is clearly the opposite of the self-starter. It is probable that there is a reason behind the laziness. You as a parent will have to do some detective work to determine what that is.

Lazy teenagers generally don't see the relevance or importance of what they are called upon to do. They may even ask the question "What is the point?" When it comes to how to motivate teenagers with this characteristic you must carefully help them understand the relevance.

A teenager may complain that a particular subject is worthless. He may exclaim "Who cares about chemistry? I won't use that when I get out of school." Rather than argue you might begin pointing out the relevance of things by presenting a small challenge.

Ask your teenager to explain and describe to you what would happen if you suddenly stop doing the things you do? He may respond "Well, I don't know." Then you can point out something that he can immediately relate to: eating.

Tell him that you just decided that you don't understand the importance or the relevance of buying groceries.

Explain to him what life would be like in the household if you were lazy and didn't buy things to eat. Point out how there would be no junk food, no snacks, no dinner, no breakfast - nothing!

Then point out if everyone in the world was lazy nothing would get done. Point out how the garbage would pile up, or how there would not be any video games because everyone is too lazy to make them. Tell him there would not be any electricity or automobiles or anything else that we enjoy if everyone was lazy. Then ask if he now understands what you're trying to say? He is likely to concede he understands.

Reassure him that you love him and that you're not going to stop buying groceries. Then encourage him to see the value of being diligent and not being lazy.

No matter what characteristic your teenagers exhibit, always love, respect and care for them when you interact. Their memory of you as parents will hold that fact years into the future.

About the Author

Are you failing your teenagers? You are if you are not doing this one key thing. Among the "common problems" Lawrence T. Scott has reviewed, reaching our teenagers is among his favorites. Parenting teenagers is a real challenge in today's world and you must do everything you can to prepare them. Find out how you're probably failing your teenagers right now when you Visit => http://www.lawrencetscott.com/why-report.html

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Do not operate punish its conferences, supporting, pleading, rewarding and shout - you tried. Rather than trying to find the right positive or negative intervention, consider a solution in a completely different context. Rather than attempting to apply outside motivation, try it elicit Interior. The best way to do so is by exploring and developing the divergence of your youth, the difference between their goals and their actual performance.

For non-motivated children, it is quite common for them to say one thing ("I want to get good grades to") and another (do not complete duties). It is this discrepancy that you want to explore. Parents in general it by becoming upset, screeching comments such as "How can you expect to do the same when you do any work at home?" How you never expect succeed? You'll never experiment for good grades being so lazy. "Although each of these statements may be true and clearly identify inconsistencies in their teens, they are not useful or motivating. Here are a few guidelines to effectively develop this divergence.

Be curious. Ask questions, but do not question. Your questions should indicate a fresh curiosity. Like most parents, your typical examination indicates that there is only one acceptable answer for you. Instead, you can be bewildered or confused by the difference rather than upset by it. For example, I am curious, you said that you wanted to do really well in school this semester, but I see that you made few duties. Is there something that I do not understand? "I am a little confused". Or "there appears to be a difference between what you say you want and what you're doing." "Is it a problem that blocks your progress?

Be gentle. Do not take a one - up, authoritarian, approach book. Rather, approach the conversation as if you know nothing and simply want to understand view of your adolescent. Keep your quiet voice. Do not impose your point of view on them.

Listen. Teens are very used to be spoken to but unused to be listened to. Just listen, the judgment of restraint and as clearly as you do your best understand are vital to the process of motivation. You may not agree with them; Keep your judgments to yourself. They are already well aware of your good advice and know what you want that they would be; to simply repeat is not useful.

Remember, acceptance facilitates change. Keep in mind that the motivation is more a question of relations, as a personal quality of your adolescent. The steps listed above are essential aspects of this relationship of motivation.

Dennis Bumgarner, ACSW, LCSW is a family adviser who consulted with their parents for more than 35 years. He is the creator of the video training "get the behavior you want your child" and the DVD "Kindness, courtesy and Respect" of parents for children. In addition, he is the author of "Motivate your Intelligent but unmotivated adolescent." He is in demand as a trainer for parents, schools and social service organizations and has provided hundreds of presentations of training across the country.