Argue With Your Teenager

This is a question that plagues many parents who are concerned that their child might be using drugs. The concept of drug testing a child seems completely taboo. Given the current climate for drug use, parents have every right to be concerned about their children. Parents are entrusted with raising and protecting their children until they are 18 and can legally make their own decision. I would argue that parents not only have the right, but the responsibility to do everything in their power to either prevent a child from using drugs or detect and deter them from continued drug use.

If you suspected that your child was doing drugs, wouldn't you want to know for sure? If your child was doing drugs, as a parent, you should want to help them. And for those out there who are paranoid parents, finding out that your child does not do drugs may give you a much needed sense of relief. But if you don't know what's going on in the life of your child, there is not much you can do to either help or encourage them.

I do not want to get too far into a psychological evaluation of the life of a teenager, and how it relates to drug use. However, peer pressure plays a large role in drug experimentation. 45% of Canadians have admitted to using drugs at some point in their life. That means that at one time or another, nearly half the population has engaged in illegal drug activity. When all of your friends are using drugs, it becomes increasingly hard to stand your ground and say no to drug use. After all, the mindset is that, one time is no big deal, or no one will ever find out.

As a parent, you can offer your child an "easy out", from a difficult situation. When their friends ask your child to do drugs, they can say "no, my parents test me". Sometimes, that extra excuse is enough for a teen, who would have ordinarily caved into peer pressure, to stay strong. I would recommend having an open and honest relationship with your child about drugs and the influence in their day to day life. Allow your child to ask questions that might be uncomfortable, without the fear that they'll get in trouble.

If you were to drug test your child and discover that yes, they have been doing drugs you know have the knowledge to proceed further. Have a discussion with your child about the results of the test. If you feel like your child needs help with a substance abuse problem, there are several reputable organizations, waiting to help, such as AADAC. (see the link on side bar)

Drug testing should not been seen as a violation of child's right to privacy. Rather, it should be seen as a parenting tool in the fight against drugs. It seems to me, that society has become so paranoid with intruding on kids right to privacy, or hurting their feelings, that basic common sense has gone out the door. Parents don't want to confront their teens on issues because they do not want to upset them, or perhaps they don't want to deal with truth, when it comes out. Either way, it's time for parents to step up to the plate. Teen drug use is at an all time high, but so is parental apathy. Coincidence? You decide.

Rachel Rae
Director of Marketing
SureHire Inc.
http://www.surehire.ca
T: 1-866-944-4473

#105, 7611 Sparrow Dr.
Leduc, AB T9E 0H3

Technology has vastly improved over the ages. People are constantly inventing new and improved technology, that some of us can't even dream to know how to use. Our children on the other hand, are already experts on everything to do with technology. Growing up in this era has made them extremely tech savvy, and they have a grater understanding of the topic then we ourselves do. That's why it makes no sense that the South Australian Attorney-General John Rauare and other members of government are meeting to discuss the possibility that parents should have complete access into their children's Facebook accounts. They are arguing that "[If] the world all of us live in day-to-day requires rules to stop people doing things which are hurtful or dangerous to other people then it stands to reason that the virtual world needs some form of policing," he said. "People need to understand that in some particular circumstances this (online publication) can actually jeopardise a police investigation or perhaps equally harmfully can place the family of a victim or a victim themselves in an extremely embarrassing or dangerous situation."

Mr John Rauare has a point, but like most of us does not fully understand this technology and how much our kids understand of it either. Kids now days are aware of the risks when signing up for social networking sites such as Facebook, MySpace and twitter. They already have the knowledge needed to understand that once you post something it can never be removed. We need to stop worrying about what our children and teens get up to on these social networking sites, and actually check them out for ourselves. Parents have this obsession in their minds that their children are going to be attacked by 'pedophiles' or are going to be brutally cyber bullied but this is not the case. If you actually took the time to speak to children, more than half hadn't experienced either of these incidents. Children are aware and mature enough not to get caught in these dilemmas and do not need a parent to watch over their online activity. Even if we did give our parents access to their child's account it doesn't necessarily mean they would actually follow through. Research has showed that while 64% of parents are concerned about their child's safety online 65% don't use parental controls and 62% allow their kids to use the internet unsupervised.1 So if given the chance to monitor their children's cyber safety do you think parents would actually do it?
Another flaw with this argument is the issue of privacy. I conducted a survey of 28 teens aged 12-15 and found that 15 of them would be extremely upset if their parents had access to their accounts.2 It robs them of their privacy online if their parents can see all their messages to friends, view all their photos, see who they're friends with and view everything that goes on in their online lives. Why should we have to go so far as to 'spy' on our children, just because we may be concerned about their safety? Why haven't we thought to just ask our children if we can view their Facebook page instead of going into their personal business? No child especially in their teenage years wants their parents to see all their private conversations. If your child was talking to their friend you would go up to them afterwards and ask them to tell you exactly what they were talking about! It's the same with their Facebook's pages. It's their way of keeping in touch just like teens in the 70's and 80's used to talk for hours on the phone with their friends. When you put the facts out like this it seems quite astonishing that parents would want to know this much about their children's lives.
Parents that are concerned about their children's safety should educate their children on how to deal with these situations, and encourage them to talk to their parents and teachers about any problems they have. You should be able to talk openly with your child about anything, but if you go along and invade their business, it has the same effect of just reading a personal diary or listening in on phone call. Children will feel the need to hide things from their parents which is not a healthy relationship to have. So a message to all parents is, talk to your children, understand and educate them about the dangers but respect their privacy. Maybe then the government won't have to go to these extreme, unfair and ultimately wrong measures.
1. Research done by Microsoft Australia "For Safety's Sake" (PDF)
2. Survey conducted using survey monkey http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/PNGPDYD

Parents should have the final word when it comes to their child's cell phone usage. I have started using the Parental Controls service offered by my wireless company and I have to say it is more than worth the $5 per month that they are charging me!

No more arguing over when to put the phone away. No more worrying about him staying up late talking to his friends (at least that's who I thought he was talking to). Non-stop texting was a daily hot topic at my house. Not anymore. It's hard enough to raise teenagers without the added aggravation of cell phone rules. What I thought was going to be an easy way for me to get in touch with him, became a way for everyone else to reach him also.

Who would have thought I could get rid of all of our phone problems with one easy solution? I signed up for the parental controls offered by my wireless carrier and now I don't have to worry. His phone is now set to block all incoming calls and messages after 10pm and it does not stop blocking calls until 7am. During the school year, it was also blocked while he was at school. In addition, I set it up so that certain numbers are never blocked (mom, dad, sister, grandma, etc.). His usage is no longer an issue much to my relief!

What he does not know is that I get a text message and a daily email report showing me which phone numbers tried to call him during the blocked period of time. I also use a service that allows me to search a cell phone number and find out who owns it. This has come in handy quite often. If it is someone that I am not comfortable with him talking to, I just add that number to the "always blocked" list. You might be surprised who your child is talking to. With all of the technology available to our children, you just never know. It only takes me a few minutes and it's definitely worth my peace of mind.

Check with your wireless carrier and find out if they offer parental controls. It is WELL worth the $5 per month that I am paying. One teenage problem down.... 99 to go!

For more information on monitoring or controlling your child's usage and cell phone number searches, feel free to visit my blog at: http://cellphonedetective.blogspot.com

You can also get a free preliminary report on any phone number when you search from my site.